Katie J is on her way

Finagling Friday

2012-01-27T09:37:00.000-08:00

Yay, it's Friday!! As a working gal I live for Fridays.

I got on the scale this morning and it was back down to 250 so I am going to take it. I was able to eat within my normal calories yesterday and drank lots of water so that helped too I am sure.

I went to the meeting as planned. I won't give you all the details but let's just say it was one of the toughest conversations that I have ever had. One thing my mom mentioned to me was "How proud of me" she was. I think every child longs to hear that no matter how old they are. I told her it was the way I was brought up and that she would do the same for me. The next plan of action is to look at some locations for her to rehab at. It is not a permanent situation which made me feel a lot better.

After I got home last night I was hungry so I decided to make some eggs with spinach. I love the combo of spinach and eggs. I had purchased some egg substitute as I had never tried it before. I just wanted to see how different it was from real eggs. It seemed like they took a little longer to cook but the taste was good so now I know I can use them as an option. Plus, it lasts a long time. The one I bought is good until March!

It is supposed to be in the upper 60s and even low 70s in some places this weekend. I would really like to hop on Phoebe (my pink beach cruiser) and ride the trails. I need to do some grocery shopping as well. Hope you all have a great weekend! Be kind to yourself. Until next time...

Life, Lipstick and Lbs.

2012-01-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

I had an okay night last night. I ate leftovers for dinner which was fine but then I broke into the cereal again. Ughh... It was straight up stress eating and self-sabotaging. Needless to say I am up on the scale. I'm at 252 which is 2 lbs. gained since two weeks ago. It could have been so much worse so I will thank my lucky stars and move on. Food is NOT the answer Katie...

Tonight I have an appt. with my mom, the social worker and another gal to determine what our next step will be for mom's living arrangements. Mom is doing better which is great news. She was so cute when I talked to her yesterday. She said "I am so thankful you are here to help me because you are so smart and have such a good memory plus your pretty!" This is not going to be easy but it needs to be done so there is no weaseling out of it. The appt. is at 6:00 p.m. tonight.

I have a Loreal lipstick that I absolutely love. Of course, it was discontinued some time ago and I have bought a few off of eBay but it is virtually impossible to get it now. I did see one for $24.95 but I don't want to pay that much. I was able to find a pretty close match yesterday and was thrilled. I have bought countless lipsticks that just weren't the right color. I think it would be fantastic if they could come up with a way to color match lipsticks like they do paints at Home Depot. You just bring in a sample of your fave color and they could replicate it for you at a reasonable price. You could even have different formulas to suit your needs. Wishful thinking I guess but a girl can dream right? Until next time...

P.S. Did you enter the giveaway? I will announce a winner on Monday.

Souper You (Giveaway) and Stuff

2012-01-25T09:23:00.000-08:00

Disclosure: The Progresso^® Souper You^® prize pack, information, coupon, and giveaway have been provided by Progresso through MyBlogSpark.

I am pleased that MyBlogSpark contacted me to do another Progresso "Souper You" giveaway. Progresso has 40 flavors that are 100 cals or less so you should be able to find one that appeals to you. They graciously provided me with a gift pack that I can pass on to one of you which includes: (2) VIP Coupons for Progresso Soup AND (1) copy of "The Biggest Loser" 30 Day Jump Start DVD .

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment on this post telling me which flavor you would most likely eat and make part of your weight loss regimen. For an additional entry, you can Tweet about this giveaway. Don´t forget to use the hashtag #MyBlogSpark and mention Progresso on your posting. You can also like Progresso on Facebook for an additional entry. I will chose a random winner on Monday, January 30th, 2012. This giveaway is open to US Residents only.

So last night for dinner, I made chicken with BBQ sauce and mashed potatoes. I wanted to try a method of removing the skin that I had seen on an email from my friend Sally (Hi Sal!) to see if it in fact worked. Well, it did! Now, mashed potatoes are not my fave way of eating potatoes and I actually prefer the skin on but this was an interesting experience nonetheless. Here is the video in case you wanted to watch. Some of you will recognize the actress and some of you might not. Until next time...

Biceps and Beaming

2012-01-24T10:01:00.000-08:00

I had a good night last night. I had a gentlemen friend come over for dinner. It is so much better to cook for someone other then for just yourself. I made pork chops, spinach, broccoli rice and apple sauce. It was good and apparently R liked it a lot because he had seconds. I used the Panko breading which is the greatest stuff. It makes even dull meals exciting. I use it on fish and poultry alike.

Well, as I planned, I broke out the Resistance bands and did some basic exercises. I used the yellow one which is the 3-6 lbs. My biceps are sore this morning but it feels good! I will work with that one and then scale up from there. Apparently the attachment goes on the door knob from what I can tell. The instructions are in a micro font and the picture that is displayed as a sample is also micro. I will google it today and find out how it works. Meanwhile, I can still use them just as they are but it will be good to add a variety of exercises. I encourage you to pick one up. They really are effective and an inexpensive way to get some resistance training in.

I am really enjoying spending time with my friend R. We went to Jr. High and High school together. We started talking last summer and have kept in touch ever since. He is a nice distraction in the chaos of my life for sure. He is handsome, smart, funny, caring and sweet. He is very supportive of me and is rooting me on all the way. It is a great feeling having someone in your corner, you know what I mean? Anyways, it will be interesting to see what the future holds. Until next time...

P.S. Please stop by Hyla's blog, Hourglass Red. She has lost 100 lbs!

Binged and Bands

2012-01-23T08:56:00.000-08:00

Hope you had a good weekend. Mine was decent. I got a lot done around the apt. on Saturday. I had a little trouble getting myself motivated so I decided to do the timer method. I set the timer for 15 mins. and started working on the room, sorting clothes, dusting, putting clothes away etc. When the timer went off, I allowed myself to watch a Bravo show for a little while and then set the timer again. It works for me so I will keep doing it as needed.

I did do some stress eating on Saturday night with cereal. I had three bowls in a couple of hours. Then it was toasted almonds and glazed walnuts. While the items are a bit healthier then what I used to binge on, it was still a binge nonetheless. Sunday, I went to visit my mom and bring her some clothes. She was having a bad day so it was a little upsetting. After I left her, I went to the bar and watched the 49er game. They were serving spaghetti which I don't eat so I just had salad and bread. I drank a few beers and then called it a night. I did not stay to the end of the game. On the way home, I decided to get Taco Bell which I have not had in at least a year if not longer. I had a bean burrito and nachos with no meat. Needless to say I am belly aching this morning. It is going to be at least another year before I go to Taco Bell again... blerghhh...

My plan for tonight is to stay home and do some resistance training since I got my flexcords in the mail today. It even has a hook you can put in the doorway which hopefully I can hook up on my own. I am only 5'2" but I do have a foot stool though so I can reach in cabinets and top shelves so I think it will be okay. Until next time...

Train - Drive By

2012-01-22T08:00:00.000-08:00

Drive By

On the other side of a street I knew
Stood a girl that looked like you
I guess that's deja vu
But I thought this can't be true
Cause you moved to west L.A or New York or Santa Fe
Or where ever to get away from me

Oh but that one night
Was more than just right
I didn't leave you cause I was all through
Oh I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell
Because I really fell for you

Oh I swear to ya
I'll be there for ya
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a 2-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
The way you do me
Oh I swear to ya
I'll be there for ya
This is not a drive by

On the other side of a downward spiral
My love for you went viral
And I loved you every mile you drove away
But now here you are again
So let's skip the "how you been"
And get down to the "more than friends" at last

Oh but that one night was still the highlight
I didn't need you until I came to
And I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell
Because I really fell for you

Oh I swear to ya
I'll be there for ya
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a 2-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
The way you do me
Oh I swear to ya
I'll be there for ya
This is not a drive by

Please believe that when I leave
There's nothing up my sleeve but love for you
And a little time to get my head together too

On the other side of a street I knew
Stood a girl that looked like you
I guess that's deja vu
But I thought this can't be true
Cause...

Oh I swear to ya
I'll be there for ya
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a 2-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
The way you do me
Oh I swear to ya
I'll be there for ya
This is not a drive by

P.S. Train is a local group and this song is off of their upcoming album

Anna Nalick - Breathe

2012-01-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

Breathe

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you'd only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

Back to Business

2012-01-20T09:14:00.000-08:00

I had a good visit with my mom. I brought her some clothes and brought her laundry home with me. I want to thank you for all the comments and support on that subject. I know they probably are not the easiest posts to read but it is my reality and it helps to have a venue to put those emotions/feelings.

After I got home from our visit, I wanted to do some resistance training while I watched Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice and realized that I no longer have my resistance bands. I gave Dave a set thinking I had another one but low and behold I did not so I went on Amazon and found these. They retail for $79.99 usually but I got them for $24.95! Woot! Woot! They will arrive on Monday.

From their website: Enjoy a dynamic full-body workout anywhere, anytime, with this Flexcords resistance band set. An affordable alternative to a home gym, the Flexcords set comes with six total resistance bands, each with a different tension. The bands--one yellow (3 to 6 pounds), one orange (7 to 12 pounds), one green (12 to 18 pounds), one red (18 to 28 pounds), one blue (28 to 40 pounds), and one white (40 to 55 pounds)--give you complete control of your workout. Simply choose the tension that's best suited to your exercise routine, and then alter the resistance when you switch exercises.

I really want to get back to business with losing weight and getting healthier. I am grateful that these life occurrences have not thrown me into a tailspin with my eating but I have not been getting any notable exercise and that needs to change PRONTO. I feel like I have been in a holding pattern for months and I need to break through this. Exercising would be not only physically beneficial but mentally as well. It is not like I don't have the time to do it. I am worth the time and effort!

Have a great weekend! Until next time...

P.S. I will be posting some giveaways soon so stay tuned!

Reprieve and Realizations

2012-01-19T09:41:00.000-08:00

I have decided to give myself a reprieve with my weigh in today. I am up on the scale a few lbs. but I think most of it has to do with my pee pill predicament. I know I did not consume that many excess calories.

I did not go to see my mom last night as planned but I did speak to her on the phone. I asked her if she still wanted to go home after her release. I felt like a martyr pushing for her to be able to go home based on her wishes. Well, last night she admitted that she can no longer be at home and take care of herself. It was one of the hardest conversations ever but I told her I was proud of her for being honest and letting me know how she felt. It was a huge relief because everyone else was suggesting it but I wanted to respect her wishes and fight for her. I have learned SO many lessons while going through this and one of the biggies is about being honest with yourself and others about your needs.

It is not going to be an easy transition. My mom lives in the house I grew up in and it will be super hard but I don't think we will need to sell the house right away. The brunt of the responsibility falls on me because I am local and I am her Power of Attorney plus my brother lives in Colorado. Like I told my mom's neighbor, Louise, this is all character building. Until next time...

Pee Pill Predicament

2012-01-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

Had a decent night last night. I made myself chicken that I marinated in Italian dressing. Turned out yummy. I did get laundry in so I have clean work clothes now. I did fall asleep with them in the dryer so I fluffed them up this morning and I was good to go.

I take a pill for High Blood Pressure called Hyrdochlorothiazide. I was taking two other BP meds that I was able to ditch because of the weight loss. Well, I ran out of them so it has been 5 days since I took any. I did get them in the mail yesterday so I am back on them this morning. I did get on the scale to assess where I am at and I am up a few pounds because I have not taken them. It could explain why I am having leg cramps as well. Well, needless to say, I will be making lots of trips to the loo today. I have really tried to be more diligent about my water intake too. I have met my water quota (64 ozs) for the last few days so that is a big improvement. More on that soon...

Tonight I am going to see my mom at MO. They have a support group/meeting that they encourage the family to attend. I have not seen her since she was admitted on Saturday and while I feel a little guilty about it, she has not been alone at all because she has had visitors daily. I just needed some time to sort my thoughts/feelings on this whole situation. I want to respect her wishes but everyone seems to have another plan/opinion on the subject. BIG sigh...

I think I may have a cold. It could be allergies acting up too but I definitely have a stuffy head. I was washing my hands last night and I remembered an old friend of mine, who was a dental hygienist, telling me that you should sing Happy Birthday twice as the appropriate amount of time to get rid of germs. I honestly don't think I wait that long while washing my hands but it would be an easy enough adjustment so I will try remembering to do so. A simple enough step to help avoid cold and flu germs. Until next time...

Head Above Water

2012-01-17T09:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday went okay. My mom called me and asked me to come and get her which was heartbreaking. I know this is the best thing for her and I wanted to do this before (in Sept.) but it still does not make it any easier. She also thinks I am mad at her for some reason. I told her I wasn't at all. I could not get it together (mentally) to go and see her yesterday. My cousin went twice and my mom's neighbor went also so she was not alone. Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. It really does help and it means a lot.

I ended up eating salad for dinner. It was the Fresh Express Asian Salad. I added a few dried cranberries to jazz it up and it was delish. I did take out some chicken for myself tonight and I also got a package of Just for One from Green Giant which are handy and pretty darn tasty. They are 0 points on Weight Watchers. This is what is stated on the website: Portable, single-serve vegetables are ready in minutes in the microwave. Great for lunch on the go, a quick afternoon snack, or individual tastes and needs. Available in a variety of delicious low-fat, low-calorie sauces and seasonings, and endorsed by Weight Watchers®.

I still did not do any laundry! I just couldn't get myself to do it last night. It is sorted though so I will do it tonight for sure. I am wearing pants that are 4 sizes too big but I sit at a desk so no one really sees them. I held onto this particular pair to have as comparison when I get to my goal weight.

I'm just trying to keep my chin up and get through this. Having a support system like I do is really helpful. I am still trying to adjust to being by myself and processing the changes from Dave moving out. I told my mom's neighbor (I have known her 43 years) that all this stuff is character building! Until next time...

P.S. I finally started writing on my "other" blog. It is all about my adoption story. It is called Finding Renee Marie Renee Marie was the name I was given by my biological mother.

Down and Delegated

2012-01-16T09:43:00.000-08:00

Hope you all had a nice weekend. Eating was hit and miss for me. I haven't gotten on the scale over the last few days but the pants I am wearing today for work are looser then the last time I wore them so that is a good thing. I was actually kind of worried they would be snug and it was the last pair hanging in the closet. I did not do any laundry this weekend so I have to do it tonight. Guess I got pretty spoiled having Dave do my laundry for the last 6 years.

For some reason, my hips and legs are aching. It is something I have never felt before. I thought it might be related to my recent sciatica so I have been treating it as such. Hopefully it will just go away on its own with the proper treatment. I spent the majority of the day yesterday with my heating pad and my legs elevated.

My brother and I took my mom to the hospital on Friday afternoon and they determined she had a UTI which can cause confusion and anxiety. Who knew huh? Not sure how long she has had that going on but she also had one back in October before she came home from the care facility. Then on Saturday, my brother decided she needed to be admitted to the satellite hospital where they handle behavioral health. Apparently, he thought it was urgent so they transported her by ambulance poor thing. She is already doing better which is great news. However, she may have to stay there for a few months. The reality of that has not quite sunk in yet. The last time we went through this (1999) it was for a few weeks not months. They have very limited visiting hours but fairly flexible phone hours. I can only visit from 6:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. I am still in shock, honestly. She is safe and is getting the help she needs which is what matters. Until next time...

Tag - You're It!

2012-01-15T08:00:00.002-08:00

I have been tagged by Leigh C over at Poonapalooza. She is a sweetheart and if you have not read her blog then by all means, hop on over there. This was a fairly time consuming task but hopefully we get to learn more about each other...

So here are the rules:

You must post 11 random things yourself.
Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post.
Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this.’ blah blah blah, you legitimately have to tag 11 peeps!

**Not that there is too much you don't already know about me but here goes...

I have never driven a stick shift and don't know how
I did not learn how to cook until my early 30s
I have never been married and have no children and at least where kids are concerned, I will never give birth to one. I am not opposed to adopting or being a step mom if the situation presented itself.
Three out of the four cars I have ever owned where white. I like white cars
My favorite fruit is strawberries
I don't consider myself a writer but I have always had A LOT to say
I have an AA and a BS in Business/Marketing
I don't like gravy
I don't like my food to touch
I have 6 watches but I rarely wear them
I used to have my right nipple pierced about 8-9 years ago. I took it out a few weeks after because I was going to travel with my mom and I did not want her to see it. I tried to put it back in after a week and it wouldn't. There is still a hole there.

Leigh posed these questions to the people she tagged.

What was your favourite food when you were a child? Shish Kabobs
What is one of your favourite quotes? Have a little faith!
What is your favorite body part? My chi-chis
If you could stay a certain age forever, what age would it be and why? 35 because you know so much more about the world at that age but can still get away with doing youthful activities.
If you could chose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? Oprah
If you could meet anyone living or dead, who would it be? I would like to meet Oprah
What celebrity do you get mistaken for? Like that happens... bwahahahahahaha
What would you name the autobiography of your life? Ups and Downs - The Tales of Katie J
What was the first thing you bought with your own money? The record album, Grease
What was the last experience that made you a better person? I am learning to be more patient dealing with my mother.
What was the last movie, tv show or book that made you cry or tear up? Extreme Home Makeover on Friday night.

My questions that my tagged recipients need to answer

How old where you when you had your first kiss?
Do you prefer cats or dogs?
What is your best physical feature?
What part of your personality do you like the best?
Did you go to college?
What is your favorite food?
Have you ever been out of the country?
Do you have siblings?
If you have siblings, how many?
What is your favorite vegetable?
Do you have a green thumb?

So the people I am tagging are:

Maren at From Cow to Wow
Becca at 290 and Down We Go
Suzi at Spunkysuzi
Draz at It's Me, Drazil and Sheniqua
Simone at In[Fat]uation
Sarah at On My Weigh to Happiness
Michelle at Getting Healthy One Step at a Time
Mary at A Small Loss
Sable at Squat Like a Lady
Kristi at Losing, Loving and Living in TX
Conne at Fat to Fit Mommy

Friggatriskaidekaphobia

2012-01-13T09:39:00.000-08:00

Are you Friggatriskaidekaphobic? What is it you ask? An estimated 17 to 21 million people in the US are affected by a fear of this day. Some people are so paralyzed by fear that they avoid their normal routines in doing business, taking flights or even getting out of bed. It is the fear of Friday the 13th. I never have been too fearful of Friday the 13th. Now, full moons are a different story but that is a whole other post.

Thank you for the comments on yesterday's post. I still struggle with posting such personal business but it helps me immensely to see it in writing to help me sort my thoughts. I also love the feedback and different perspectives you guys have when you comment and if by my posting this helps someone going through something similar then that is another bonus.

The sciatica is acting up again too. Yipee skipee huh? I am at work and brought my Advil with me. I am walking sideways and it looks pretty silly but oh well. It is the only way I can get around right now. I will try to take it easy this weekend but not sure if I will have the opportunity. It remains to be seen. Until next time...

Prepped and Ready

2012-01-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

I swear it feels like it should be Friday but alas, we have one more day. Since Thursday's are my weigh day, I will get that out of the way. I stayed the same this week, 250. Honestly, I am just thankful I did not gain with the excess snacking that happened this week. I went to the grocery store last night and spent $180 and I am well prepared to cook even if it is just for myself. No peanut butter, chips or crackers made it in the cart either. I just can't be trusted with those items so out of sight, out of mind, right?

As I was writing this post, I got a call from my mom. I was at work and she needed me to come to herhouse and help her with showering. I have never seen my mom naked. We were brought to be modest and even with all her surgeries (breast cancer and heart bypass) I had avoided it until today. She is suffering from depression and is overwhelmed by everything. She reached out to my brother yesterday and he is coming here (lives in Colorado) for the weekend. He is offering to help but he has offered before and has not come through. He can offer his opinions and help but when he leaves it goes back to her and I. He is of the mindset that she can no longer be at home (with the caregiver) and we should consider putting her in a facility. I do not agree. I have been through this before and once she gets over the depression hurdles then she will be okay at home. It is not going to be an easy task but I will fight for her no matter what and try to remain calm and collected about it. I must separate my issues with him and do what is right for her. I am going to make some calls to her doctors and see what our options are. BIG sigh... Until next time...

Flaking Out

2012-01-11T09:19:00.000-08:00

I am in a better head space today. Amazing what a good night of sleep will do for you. I felt like I was in a fog all day yesterday. If you have been here for any amount of time, you can see my dysfunctional patterns. I have grandiose plans to do all sorts of wonderful things and then when it comes down to it, I lack implementation. I do acknowledge that I do that so that is the first step. I need to retrain my brain to follow through on what I set out to do. For example, buying the Personal Training, setting up the appointment and then canceling before I am supposed to go. WTH?!?! I was looking forward to it and then I chickened out. I will call and schedule something for next week but sheesh!

Last night I got home from work and basically grazed until I went to sleep. I have not gone grocery shopping for awhile so I was just eating what was available like cereal, yogurt, cheese and crackers. Not a sustainable dinner for sure. I am going to go tonight FOR SURE. I really do miss being able to cook for someone but that is no reason not to prepare decent meals for myself. It's not as if I don't have the time to do it. I am worth it.

Have you ever seen the show on A&E called Intervention? It is a pretty heavy duty show but I do enjoy it. The other day, there was a young lady who was a meth addict and while she was going through rehab, there was a message written on a whiteboard that said "You are not defined by your mistakes" That statement has stuck in my head ever since. I am really trying to let go of my past transgressions and just focus on my future and I keep repeating that statement to myself. It seems to be working so far. Until next time...

P.S. I was tagged in a post from Leigh and will post my response on Saturday :-)

Liars, Cheats and Thieves

2012-01-10T09:10:00.000-08:00

Instead of going home like I was planning on, I went and had dinner with my mom. Her caregiver got food poisoning and did not come in yesterday. We went to the Fish Market and it felt like eons since we had been there. We both had Shrimp Louie's for dinner. She ate heartily which was good. Sometimes it is hard to get her to eat. I got home and watched RHOA and RHOBH. I got a little snacky so I opened up a bag of chips that was in the cupboard. Did I not learn my lesson from Saturday??? Well, I threw them in the garbage and smashed them to smithereens so I am no longer tempted. I will not be buying chips anymore(actually Dave bought them) Blechhh...

To fill in some of the newer readers, My biological father, Bruce, passed away December 26, 2010. I had met him only one time in October. Since the internment in February, I have been waiting to receive his personal effects, which included a watch and some other miscellaneous items. I was working with a gentlemen by the name of Peter W. who was a deputy for the District Attorney's office. Well... I stopped getting communications from him and started to wonder what was going on but could not get any answers. To make a really long story shorter, Peter is being brought up on criminal charges for theft on people's estates that he was working on! They raided his home and the home of another deputy and found 100s of boxes of stolen goods. Some of the estates were worth millions of dollars. I was told this by the City's legal counsel who was very sincere and was honest with me about what happened. There are other items of Bruce's in their warehouse which I will have access to but the watch is considered evidence and it may take months for it to be located and distributed. What a bunch of hooie huh? All I want is something tangible of his to show he existed. I am his only offspring and only heir. Not that he had money or anything but it is pretty cut and dry really. Until next time...

Katie Killed Her Keurig

2012-01-09T09:30:00.000-08:00

How are you all doing today? I am hanging in there. My weekend was okay but kinda stressful. First off, Saturday I ended up binging out on potato chips and feeling belly sick on Sunday morning.

Then, I went to make a cup of coffee and my Keurig was flashing lights. This is the 2nd one I have purchased. The first one I gave away on Freecycle and ran out and bought a new one right away. Well, I decided to call their customer service line and told them what was going on and they had me do a few tests and decided that they would send me a new one free of charge in 3-7 days! Yay! All I have to do is send them back a part postage paid and that is it!

I spent the majority of the day with my mom. Her caregiver has changed her schedule to every other weekend off. We went to breakfast and Michael's to get some flowers for my dad's grave. (They are having a buy one get one free sale on silk flowers btw) We got some blue hydrangeas for January and red roses for Valentine's day. I did not plan on staying with her the whole day but she was very nervous and shaky so I stayed until the early evening. It is hard to see her so fragile. I called her 3 times after I got home to make sure she ate and took her meds.

Nothing scheduled for tonight. I am hoping to do some laundry and exercise and then go to bed early. I did not sleep all that well last night (which is unusual) so I am extra tired today. To give you an example, my friend came over on Saturday morning and rang the doorbell 5 times and also knocked and I did not hear it. The CPAP machine puts me in major REM sleep so I am completely zonked. I do wake up rested but it's kinda scary to be that asleep that you don't hear knocking or doorbells. Until next time...

Five Fine Fragrances

2012-01-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

I love to smell nice which probably sounds like an oxymoron because I am also a smoker but I have always had an affinity for fine fragrances since I was a young girl. I thought I would share with you my top 5 fragrances of all time.

1. Angel by Thierry Mugler

Angel is my absolute favorite perfume. It is long lasting and smells just divine. It contains bergamot, tropical fruits, vanilla, caramel and patchouli. It is ironic that it has patchouli because I seriously can't stand it but it is not at all evident as far as I can tell.

2. Kills Love Softly by Ed Hardy

My second favorite is Kills Love Softly. A color explosion of fruits opens the scent including tropical mango, wild strawberry and ruby red grapefruit. Vintage floral with a rock n' roll edge brings a dark sexiness including black freesia. This contrast of floral merges into a background of hot skin musk and warm soulful amber. It is a delicious and very addictive fragrance statement.

3. Be Delicious by DKNY

This is a newer acquisition and I think it is more spring like but I have been using it all year round. Described as notes of American Apple, Cucumber, Grapefruit, Candid Magnolia, Tuberose, White Muguet, Rose, Violet, Sandalwood, Tender Skin Accord, Blonde Woods, White Amber.

4. Cashmere Mist by Donna Karan

I bought this fragrance on the cruise ship last summer. Since it was Duty Free, it was a lot cheaper then retail. I had spotted it the year before on the 1st Alaska cruise and saved up my money to buy it. It is described as fresh floral jasmine, sandalwood & vanilla

5. Viva La Juicy by Juicy Couture

This was actually an impulse buy but I totally dig it. I was standing in line at Kohl's and saw it on the display. It caught my eye from the pink box :-) Described as honeysuckle, gardenia, jasmine, praline, amber, caramel vanilla, sandalwood

Most of these fragrances retail for $65 or more depending. Places like Ross, Marshall's or TJ Maxx offer them at a reduced cost.

Until next time...

Fried Friday

2012-01-06T09:37:00.000-08:00

Whew! We made it to Friday! Even though it was a short week it did not feel that way at all. We got some very sad news yesterday (can't elaborate) and it made for a pretty somber evening. It affected my hunger too so I just nibbled on some lunch meat and cheese and then celery and peanut butter for evening snack.

I ended up going to bed at 8:30 p.m. and was able to finish A Place of Yes. What a great book! I am too fried to give you a review of it so I will hold off until I can do it properly. I started reading Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp I personally attended two different weight loss camps in my teens so I think I will totally be able to identify with her experiences. I need to write a post about the second WLC I went to where I met Carnie Wilson and her cousin, Jonah. Fun times...

No big plans for the weekend. Part of me just wants to hibernate until Monday but that is not an option. I will see my mom on Saturday most likely. She needs a new fridge and dishwasher and is overwhelmed at the task of picking one out and purchasing it. She is the shopping Master so it is surprising that she is hesitating at all but times have changed apparently. She is trying a new medication so hopefully that will provide some clarity for her. Hope you guys have a great weekend! Until next time...

Rip Off the Band-aid

2012-01-05T08:42:00.000-08:00

Hope you are all doing okay on this fine Thursday morning. Nothing notable about yesterday on the food front. We made tacos out of the leftover roast I made in the crock pot the other day. I was so tired that I decided to go to bed at 8:30 p.m. I was up at 5:30 but stayed in bed since it was so cold. I did get on the scale this morning since it is Thursday and I am the same as last week, 250.

Dave had been staying at my apt for a few days since his friend where he was staying was out of town. While I enjoy his company, it was emotionally taxing. I mentally prepared myself but it still was not easy. It is like saying goodbye to a best friend and not knowing when you will see them again. I have not had a lot of time to be by myself yet so now that the holidays are over, things should settle down. I'm still a little raw on the emotional front but time will heal.

Everyone has their own scale habits. Some people weigh daily, some weekly and then others weigh monthly or don't do the scale thing at all. What has enabled me to maintain my weight loss (-67) so far is by keeping tabs on my weight and getting on the scale daily or every couple of days. When I first started blogging, I was obsessive about it. I would get up in the middle of the night to pee and weigh myself and then again when I got up for work. It was bad. I finally found the groove that works for me. I do think it is important to keep tabs on your weight because it can spiral out of control pretty quickly. IMHO, It is better to rip off the band-aid instead avoiding it. I spent too many years in denial about my weight and gaining and I WILL NOT go back there again. Until next time...

Sensitive Skin and Stuff

2012-01-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

Last night was pretty uneventful. I did not get in any activity to speak of. I made Salmon for dinner which is always dynamite. Unfortunately, I got snacky after dinner and ate too many calories. I need to start eating my snacks during the day. When I was losing the most weight, I was eating 3 meals and at least two snacks. Not eating snacks is making me famished by the time dinner rolls around.

With all of my lovely skin issues, I also have rosacea. My cheeks are almost always rosy and it bugs me a lot. People make well meaning comments (oh, your cheeks are so rosy!) but it makes me cringe. I do use makeup to cover it but sometimes the makeup can cause irritation. Well, Neutrogena came out with a new product called Ultra Gentle Soothing Lotion.

From their website: Neutrogena® Ultra Gentle Soothing Lotion with SPF 15 is a gentle daily moisturizer formulated for even the most sensitive skin. It's clinically proven to instantly soothe and calm skin, visibly reducing redness and irritation. This uniquely developed formula with Chamomile and Feverfew makes skin less sensitive after just one week by strengthening skin's moisture barrier. Skin is left smoother, more supple, and healthier looking with daily use. Broad spectrum UVA/UVB sunscreen protects the skin against the sun's damaging rays. With an allergy tested fragrance uniquely developed for sensitive skin, skin is left feeling calmer, softer and smoother.

According to the ad, my skin should improve within one week so I am going to test it. I used it for the 1st time this morning. It went on smooth and did not burn like some other moisturizers do. It does have a nice fragrance which some reviews said they did not like but I think it is fine. I am really hoping that it works and I will report back in a week on how it went. Until next time...

One-Three-Twelve

2012-01-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, everyone! Hope you had a safe and sane New Year's! I had a 3 day weekend since the 1st was on Sunday so I took advantage of the time off and used it wisely. It was great getting things off of my to-do list.

I went to sleep at 9:30 p.m. on New Years Eve lol. I was not in the mood to party and there wasn't anyone for me to kiss so it was just fine with me. Honestly, it felt great to be awake and not hungover starting the new year.

I planted my poinsettia on Sunday. Did you know that they can grow up to 16 feet tall? Helen said in Africa they are actually trees! Whoa! I hope it grows into a nice shrub because the spot I put it really needs some color.

I spent a lot of time in these which kept me warm and cozy. My utility bill was almost $200 which is highly unusual but I have had the heat cranking lately so time to bundle up and put slippers/sockies.

Here are all my Christmas decos packed up and ready to put away. I purged a lot of decos this year and gave them away so there is a lot less then when I started. Everything looks so plain now that it's all put away.

I played on the Wii for awhile too. I ditched all the players that I no longer needed and then added one for my friend Karla. She is coming over tomorrow to play so I wanted her to have her character already set up.

Last night I made a roast in the crock pot and it came out delish! I just used a can of French Onion soup, added seasonings and cooked it for 4-5 hours. Had it with garlic mashed potatoes and a salad. Yummy and I can use the leftovers for tacos or something else.

I also got my eyebrows threaded and a pedicure. The color on my toes is Get A Grip by Orly which is like a deep purple. I would have taken a picture but my toes are no longer cute...

Dave stayed the weekend again but he will be leaving tomorrow. We actually had a heart to heart talk and really came to peace with some of our issues. I do enjoy his company and having someone to cook for but I am looking forward to have the place to myself again. Until next time...

Hiding Hidradenitis

2011-12-31T08:00:00.000-08:00

**Contains medical issues/terms - Do not read if you are squeamish**

Have you ever heard of Hidradenitis Suppurativa? I had not heard the term until recently. What is it you ask?

Hidradenitis suppurativa is a chronic, scarring disease process that occurs due to obstruction of hair follicles and secondary infection plua inflammation of certain sweat glands, particularly those under the arms or within the anal/genital region. The disease is characterized by the development of recurrent, boil-like nodular lesions and deep pockets of infection that may eventually rupture through the skin. Healing of affected areas is typically associated with progressive scarring (fibrosis). The specific underlying cause of hidradenitis suppurativa is unknown. They anticipate that there are 10s of 1,000s of people who have globally it but don't report it because they're embarassed because of it.

I have been suffering with this for about 20 years but never knew what it was called. Seeing as I already have one rare skin disease, why not throw another one me! The difference with this one and the NLD is that the HS is easier to hide based on where it is located. In my 20s, I was diagnosed with PCOS and there is a higher likelihood if you have HS because of it. Also obesity and smoking contribute to having it.

I am self conscious of sleeveless tops because my flabby upper arms but also the hidradenitis suppurativa. Even though I don't have any active sores currently, there is scarring and pitting. The other place I get them (and just got rid of one) is the groin area. It reoccurs in the same spots when they occur and I do have some scar tissue from it. Obviously, I can cover/hide it but I still know it is there plus if I were to get intimiate with someone I might have to explain it which would be mortifying to say the least. In the past if this situation came up I would feign a headache or something to avoid the intimacy because of it.

My objective in sharing this with you is that there are many side effects of obesity that you can't see and that if you have it, to be aware that there are many others who suffer from it to but don't talk about it. I have never shared it with a doctor since I have had it. You guys are the first people I have ever told. Now that I have put it out there, it takes some of the stigma away for me. Fortunately with weight loss, the recoccurance of HS is lessened but it may still exist. So even when I get to goal, I will still have the NLD and the scars from HS but I will be healthier all around. Until next time...

Final Friday

2011-12-30T09:21:00.000-08:00

Wohoo! I am thrilled beyond belief that it is Friday! It has been an emotional but character building week for sure. I really appreciate the feedback on yesterday's post. It made me realize how absurd that whole situation was and that I am glad I won't have to worry or deal with the "neighbors" anymore. I am ending the year knowing that I stood up for myself and what I believe in and that makes me proud of myself, not just about them but some others as well that I felt were taking advantage of my generosity.

I looked back in my blog and it looks like I have lost 12 lbs. this whole year. Not a stellar year on the weight loss front, that's for sure. I did get on the scale this morning and I was 249 so the 2 lb. gain is going away. Whew! The biggest lessons I am walking away with from this year is knowing what it is going to be like (maintenance) for the rest of my life and that GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION. I may be totally dating myself but I feel like a weeble. Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!! Also, working on self-esteem and the mental aspects of WL is crucial for success.

Danielle gave me this frame since it screamed my name while she was shopping - LOL! I have the bare wall too from Dave removing his family pictures, etc. I decided that I am going to put pictures in it but also I want to put some of my favorite quotes from Pinterest. I will show you when I am done. Feels good to have a crafty project to work on. I miss doing my crafts. Definitely will be doing much more next year.

Nothing exciting planned for the weekend. Dave needs a place to stay for the weekend so he'll be around. I want to put Christmas decorations away (with his help) and finish A Place of Yes which turned out to be an excellent book. I will elaborate more once I finish. Hope you all have a safe and sane New Year's. Happy 2012 everyone! Until next time...

Ranty Rambling

2011-12-29T09:26:00.000-08:00

First off, I got on the scale this morning and I am 250 so I am up 2 lbs. They say the average American gains 7-10 lbs. during the holidays. I know in years past I did and then some but being a little bit mindful of what is going in my pie hole saved me the heartache. Hopefully, I will kick those 2 lbs. to the curb this week.

I finally scheduled an appt with Riley the Personal Trainer at 24 hour Fitness. I bought them at the end of August and just now am I able to use them due to the fall at the hospital and the sciatica. I will be meeting with him on January 10th. I am looking forward to having a plan to work on.

Yesterday, I called the County of San Mateo regarding Bruce's watch and personal effects and apparently they LOST them. He died on December 26, 2010 and I still have not received anything from them. The person I was working with left the department and apparently it was abruptly because they did not transfer his open cases to anyone. All I want is to have something tangible of his that says he existed. Does that make sense? I was upset when Katherine (my new contact) told me she could not find them and I actually cried. She was very apologetic and said she would do everything she could to find it. It upsets me that I have done my due diligence and that this is not resolved over a YEAR later. I will give her a little more time and then I will be contacting the District Attorney and possible the SF Examiner to get some action.

Last night, I went to my neighbors to get some of my belongings that they borrowed from me including two large reference books, 2 Wii Games and a Wii Remote Plus. Needless to say it was a little awkward but I was glad I did it because of the value of the items. They do owe me money ($40) but I am kissing that goodbye. At first I was a little hurt about this situation but in all honesty, I am better off. They are major drinkers and the wife actually slapped me across the face the other day and did not even recall she did it. I have not had anyone hit me since I was a freshman in high school! Her teenage son actually stuck up for me and said that I did not do anything wrong and that maybe she should stop drinking so much. She has some health issues too and she is basically drinking herself into a grave and I feel sorry for the kids but it is no longer my issue to worry about. I wish them well and hope they make some changes in there life for the sake of the children. Lessons learned for sure. Until next time...

All Is Calm

2011-12-28T09:16:00.000-08:00

I tried a new meal last night and it was a success! It was Tonkatsu which consists of thinly sliced pork chops and Panko bread crumbs. I do not fry my foods (I don't know how!) so I put them in the oven. It only took about 20-25 mins to get to 170 degrees. They were crunchy and flavorful and the Katsu sauce topped it perfectly. I would say that it tastes like a sweet barbecue sauce. I served it with spinach and it was a great meal. Dave was apprehensive about it but he liked it. I do miss cooking for him...

This is that stash of goodies that are hanging out in our break room. Since I work with Management, we get inundated by gifts from the teachers and Headmasters. Honestly, they aren't even tempting me. When I eat candy, I feel like crap so it is not worth it to me. Although, if it were cookies or baked goods, it would be a different story but I am done eating excess goodies.

It's been pretty darn quiet this week at work. The kids are out until the 3rd for winter break but we do not observe the same schedule as they do. The traffic has been really light too which is a nice treat. Today my extended family is getting together and I will not be attending since I have to work. My cousin picked my mom up and will take her there and back. It's the only time we get to see our San Diego peeps but there was no way I was going to ask for the time off in light of all the time I have missed over the last few months. I really would like to go to San Diego to see my friend Kari and my family but I need to save up for it. Until next time...

Christmas Passed

2011-12-27T08:51:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a nice holiday if you were celebrating anything. Mine was pretty low key for the most part. Dave stayed the weekend because his friend he's been staying with was out of town. It was nice to have him there. We went to his family get-together on Christmas Eve and I indulged more then normal but did way better then what I used to do.

On Christmas day, my mom and I went to see We Bought A Zoo. It was a cute movie! Maggie Elizabeth Jones, the young actress that plays Rosie Mee, stole the show. She is just adorable! The entire theater was packed, not a seat in the house. Afterwards, we went to Coco's and they were busier then I have ever seen and we had to wait awhile. I had a bacon cheeseburger for dinner. Did not eat any fries because they were undercooked but it was just as well.

I had yesterday off so I slept in and worked on some projects around my apt. I tried the vinegar on my shower doors and holy cow did it work well! (Karla recommended 2 parts vinegar and 1 part hot water in a spray bottle) The downside is definitely the smell but I lit candles and sprayed Febreeze and it went away eventually.

I did get on the scale this morning to assess the damages and I am up a few pounds but I am not too worried. I am back on it today and drinking lots of water and will be getting activities in this week as well so I am hopeful to at least have a maintain this week. Until next time...

Gotye- Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra)

2011-12-26T14:11:00.000-08:00

This is a new song that I have been listening too. He is Australian and I thought it was Sting at first.

Somebody That I Used To Know

Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

Told myself that you were right for me

But felt so lonely in your company

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believing it was always something that I'd done

And I don't wanna live that way

Reading into every word you say

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye:]

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

And you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Somebody

(I used to know)

Somebody

(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)

Carol of the Bells

2011-12-25T09:20:00.000-08:00

Performed by Celtic Woman

Hark! how the bells

sweet silver bells

All seem to say

throw cares away.

Christmas is here

bringing good cheer

To young and old

meek and the bold

Ding, dong, ding, dong

that is their song,

With joyful ring

all caroling

One seems to hear

words of good cheer

From everywhere

filling the air

O, how they pound

raising the sound

Oer hill and dale

telling their tale

Gaily they ring

while people sing

Songs of good cheer

christmas is here!

Merry, merry, merry, merry christmas!

On, on they send

on without end

Their joyful tone

to every home

Hark! how the bells

sweet silver bells

All seem to say

throw cares away.

Christmas is here

bringing good cheer

To young and old

meek and the bold

Ding, dong, ding, dong

that is their song

With joyful ring

all caroling.

One seems to hear

words of good cheer

From everywhere

filling the air

O, how they pound

raising the sound

Oer hill and dale

telling their tale

Gaily they ring

while people sing

Songs of good cheer

Christmas is here!

Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas!

On, on they send

on without end

Their joyful tone

to every home.

On, on they send

on without end

Their joyful tone

to every home.

Winter Solstice

2011-12-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

Happy first day of Winter! Winter officially started at 9:30 p.m. in California and 12:30 a.m. on the east coast. Today is the shortest day of the year.

I got on the scale, since it is Thursday and low and behold the scale said 248. That is the lowest I have gotten on this weight loss adventure so anything after this is all new territory. I have been trying to avoid all the chocolate and goodies that have been hanging around and I guess my diligence paid off. Losing at Christmastime is a MAJOR bonus. Best. Gift. Ever.

This afternoon is our company luncheon at Maggiano's and I am wearing the blouse my mom bought for me. Here is a glimpse of what it looks like. I even put eye shadow on this morning which I almost never do but I had time. I channeled my friend Karla who is the eye makeup master and it came out nicely! Maybe I can get someone to take a full picture but we'll see.

I had an interesting experience with this blouse. First of all, I have never worn satin (except for jammies) so that is a new feeling. I also had never ironed it and it needed it. My mom had a Rowenta steamer/iron that she had never used so I used that. I ironed it and then tried the steaming and it worked really well! Who knew... I so rarely iron anything but there are just certain items that it need it so I definitely will be using it again. Until next time...

Random Acts of Kindness

2011-12-21T09:25:00.000-08:00

I did go to Danielle's as planned. She had some projects she needed help with so we worked on those and then went to Su's Mongolian for dinner. It is the type of place where you pick out all your ingredients and they cook it for you. It is always good because you get to make exactly how you like it.

Yesterday on the news I heard a story about a local man who went into a Kmart and paid off 63 layaway accounts to the tune of $10,000. He did not provide his name and just said he wanted to make everybody happy for Christmas. I think that is a wonderfull story. It was a grand gesture obviously but it has spurred others to do the same here in the Bay Area. There are so many families/people that are struggling at this time of year and the commercialism of the holiday has not made it any easier. Yesterday there was a guy at the store where I stopped and he had run out of gas. He did not ask me for money but I could tell he needed it so I handed him $5 and said Merry Christmas. We all can do one little gesture of random kindness and it doesn't even need to be monetary.

I did have a recent situation where my kindness was misconstrued and it was very hurtful. I had no ulterior motives or ill intent but it was perceived that way. It was very strange as no one has reacted to me that way before. It has been resolved now but I am hesitant to do anything for them in the future. My motto is accept graciously and say thank you. Until next time...

Water and Walls

2011-12-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

Had a normal day yesterday. I went to my neighbors and hung out most of the evening. I had a few bites of chicken and rice but that was about it for dinner. I need to get better about preparing dinners. Breakfast and lunch are not a problem most of the time.

I have mentioned a number of times how hard the water is where I live. It leaves horrible calcium deposits on the glass shower doors. I have tried almost every product under the sun to get rid of it. Recently, the magic eraser seemed to help but my girlfriend, Karla, suggested using vinegar. She manages multiple properties here in the area so she would know! I have not tried it yet but I will definitely let you know. I have used it in coffee pots so it totally makes sense to me. I googled and found this website which has 131 uses for vinegar which also suggested it.

Since Dave moved out, I had a wall that was empty from where his family pictures were. Over the weekend, I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and got some pictures to fill the space. All my decor is beachy so in keeping with that theme, these are what I picked. I put them on each side of the bed above the nightstands. The ones that were there will move to the other wall.

Tonight I may go over to Danielle's and help her with some projects and she offered to make dinner. We'll see how the day goes if she is still up for it. Until next time...

500 Followers!

2011-12-19T09:12:00.000-08:00

Hope you all had a nice weekend! Mine was pretty darn good. I did not go to Karaoke on Friday. I have been sneezing up a storm and my throat was sore too so I just stayed home and took it easy. Saturday, I went shopping with my mom for a blouse to wear to our lunch on Thursday for work. We went to ~~The Fat Ladies Store~~ The Avenue. Everything in the store was 40% off so the blouse and necklace were $35.00 total. Can't beat that huh? Here is a sneak peek. It needs to be pressed so I will have to dust off my iron lol! We had a nice visit and it was one of the first times that it was just us two in quite awhile.

Eating was sparse but okay. Yesterday, I ate salads for lunch and dinner and had some chili as well. I went to the grocery store and stocked up as well. One thing I decided to do was to get a Brita Pitcher. I am tired of shleping cases of water to and fro and having all those bottles stacking up. I also got the Brita Bottle. You can use any tap water and the filter is built right into the lid. In the long run, I think it will save money too because I won't be buying single bottles as much either.

Holy Shamoly! 500 followers! Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine having my blog read by anyone else, let alone 500 people! Blows my mind! I am truly honored, flattered, humbled and touched to have you all along for the ride. If sharing my trials and tribulations (and successes!) helps just one person then I feel like it is worth ALL the effort.

I have a giveaway planned to commemorate my reaching 500 followers so stay tuned for that. Until next time...

Solitude

2011-12-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone.

For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,

But has trouble enough of its own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

Sigh, it is lost on the air.

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go.

They want full measure of all your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all.

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

For a long and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

Through the narrow aisles of pain.

~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox ~

Katie and Karaoke

2011-12-16T08:41:00.000-08:00

Had a great day yesterday. I got off of work and went to get my haircut as planned. I have determined that it is hard to take self portraits of hair-dos, especially since when mine is short. Luc, my hairdresser, commented on the thickness and lushness of my hair. I told him that I was taking Biotin and using the Redken Intraforce products and he said he totally noticed the difference! When I was checking out, the receptionist, Adam, said I had a cute, tiny face. I could have kissed him! Tiny is not an adjective that gets used when describing anything about me but I was very flattered.

After dinner, I met up with Danielle at La Paloma. It was her birthday on Wednesday We both had our usual and we had a nice visit. Neither one of us had a cocktail which is unusual. They have the bomb mango margaritas...

Once upon a time, I used to do Karaoke every weekend. I think its been at least 2 years since I have gone and done it. It was a lot of fun and I was actually pretty good at it based on the feedback that I would get from the audience. On more then one occasion, someone has said that they thought they were listening to the jukebox, not me singing. Quite a compliment huh! I like to sing Alanis Morrisette, Bonnie Raitt, Natalie Merchant and Natalie Imbruglia just to name a few. Well on Friday and Saturday nights, Blinky's has Karaoke and Danielle is working so I told her that I would come down tonight and sing a song or two. I am rusty but I am sure it will come back to me.

Tomorrow I am going shopping with my mom for my Christmas gift. I have a holiday luncheon for work next week and she is going to buy my blouse/sweater for that. It is kind of a tradition. I also have a banquet that I attend in June and so she buys my blouse for that occasion as well since my birthday is in June. Otherwise, getting organized and exercising are on the agenda for the rest of the weekend. Until next time...

Fitbit and Fined

2011-12-15T09:32:00.000-08:00

Nothing eventful to report for yesterday. I had a ham sandwich for dinner. I still have not cooked anything since Dave has been gone. It is so much easier if you have someone to cook for! I do have a dinner planned for next week with a friend. He requested pork chops, mashed potatoes and applesauce so that is what I will be making. I will be using cutlets and will use Panko breadcrumbs which always makes the meat yummy and crunchy.

I finally have my Fitbit back on today. Seems like forever since I have worn it. I have found that I am most successful when I am tracking and I am motivated to do more with the activity goals they set up in the Fitbit program. This is a chart for my average weight while using the Fitbit. This has not been a stellar year for weight loss BUT a good year for maintaining. Obviously, I do not want to maintain my current weight but I think the key for me has been to keep track of my weight even though I am not losing. I know if I am up a few pounds it is time to get more active or eat less. Being in denial is what got me up to 315 lbs. so I am want to avoid ever ever going back to that weight again. I am at 249 today which is the same as last week.

For those of you who did not know, I was adopted and I located my biological father in October of 2010. I met him the day I learned where he was and unfortunately that was the only time I ever saw him. I wrote and sent pictures etc. but due to an incident on December 23rd, he died on December 26, 2010. We interned him on February 23, 2011. I was told at that time that they would send me some of his personal belongings, which included a wristwatch. To date, I have not received anything. I just want a personal memento of his to say that he existed on this planet you know what I mean? I followed up with the DA's office and there were staff changes so the person I was working with is no longer there. I made contact with another gal, Katherine, who is working on it with me now. In making some phone calls, I did find out that the Burlingame Long Term Care Facility was fined and cited for negligence in his death. Of course, they are contesting it but if it can save someone from getting hurt or dying in the future then it is a good thing. It could take months or even years to get resolution in the case. Until next time...

Hair and Underwear

2011-12-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

I am a complete dork! I totally thought my hair appt. was yesterday but it is actually tomorrow. The good news is I figured it out before I drove down there. That would have been really embarrasing! I did have sushi for dinner though :-)

Since I am going to be getting my hair cut, I thought I would color it ahead of time so I did it this morning before work. I was up early and it was really easy. Usually it is a major project to color my hair but this stuff makes it a breeze. It turns into a mousse (foam) so that you can apply it easily, like shampoo and it actually spreads so that it provides full coverage especially on the gray. You just leave it on for 30 mins and voila! There are 12 different shades to choose from. It retails for $9.99 USD. In the winter, I tend to go a little darker so I used Pure Light Brown (60)

I just got a ten pack of underwear yesterday at Target. 5 pairs were fun colors and patterns and the other 5 were white. When I was at my heaviest, I was just glad to be able to find chonies that fit but now that I have lost weight there are more options. My bras actually coordinate with my panties (even though no one gets to see them) and it makes me feel good. As we lose weight, it is hard to keep buying new clothes but do yourself a favor and get bras and panties that fit. It is an inexpensive way to make yourself feel good. How can you feel good if you got saggy britches right? Until next time...

Sharing and Caring

2011-12-13T09:44:00.000-08:00

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me... Today is officially the 1st day of Christmas. I am trying not to be too bahumbug - I did decorate and send a few cards to be in the spirit. Not going to bake or buy any big gifts so there is no pressure there so that is good. My mom just wants cards so I always get her more then one... one mushy gushy one and a funny one as well.

We had a really nice visit yesterday. I went over to her house after work and instead of going out to dinner, I asked if we could just talk. I knew it would be emotional so I did not want to cry and spew emotion in public. When we talk she usually sits in a chair across from me but this time she sat on the couch. She admitted her vision is so poor that she could barely see me a few feet away. We talked about me moving home with her and I am just not ready to do that... of course if she needed me to I would but I have just barely tasted my indepenence again and don't want to lose that. I asked her about her wanting to stay at home and the thought of moving and selling the house is just too overwhelming for her. It would be her and me trying to sell it since my brother is in Colorado. He would help as much as he could but it is not the same as him being here.

I have been hesitant to share too much on my blog but to me it makes it all worthwhile when you get comments like this from Leigh C at Poonpalooza: I'm a new reader and you are inspiring:) I love how you have taken control of your life. Keep up the good work girl! If I can save someone some heartache or keep them from making some of the mistakes I have made then to me it all worthwhile. Thank you for saying something Leigh, it made my day.

Eating has been hit and miss. I have been low on calories but I just don't have an appetite. I am not complaining but I need to get proper nourishment too. I am getting my haircut tonight so I won't have time to cook anything. I am craving sushi so I will most likely go after I am done at the salon. Until next time...

Cleaning House

2011-12-12T08:58:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a nice weekend. Mine was pretty productive and in more ways then one. Saturday morning I got in a big fight with HG and told him I was done being taken advantage of and that I have done nothing but help him so that bridge is burned as far as I am concerned. You can try and help someone until you are blue in the face but if they are not ready to change, then it is basically a waste of time... lesson learned.

Once I had the apt. to myself I was in heaven. I was cleaning and organizing and purging, hooray! Spent most of the day doing that and then I started to get ready for the Blinky's Christmas party. I got there about 5:30ish and was done and home in bed by 10:00 <--- I am a fuddy duddy! I ate dinner there which was tri-tip salad and a roll. I did not imbibe in alcohol either, which is probably why I didn't stay longer.

Here is a picture I took of myself. I felt good and I got lots of compliments too which always makes a gal feel special.

I recently got a 4" feather bed that goes on top of the mattress. It is absolutely divine to sleep on it. It feels like you are floating on a cloud. Yesterday was the 1st time that I had to make it by myself. I thought it would be rather difficult but it worked out just fine. Between the flannel sheets and the feather bed, it is amazingly cozy! Here is a picture of it made and then also with my Northern Exposure Moose. Do any of you remember Northern Exposure from the 1990s?

I did not do any formal exercise but did a lot of moving around between doing laundry and moving furniture etc. so I am actually a little sore this morning but in a good way. Speaking of exercise, I still need to utilize the Personal Training sessions that I bought in August. I haven't used them because I fell at the hospital and then had the sciatica so this is the first real opportunity to use them. I will call today to make an appt.

This is just a random picture from yesterday. I have been thinking about walking in the mornings because I am up early so I got this hat to help keep my ears warm. I wanted to see what I looked like with it on (not that I really care at 5:00 a.m.) but as long as it keeps me warm. Until next time...

Not In Vain

2011-12-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

Not in Vain

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain:

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his Nest again

I shall not live in vain.

Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)

Dar Williams - The Christians and The Pagans

2011-12-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

Amber called her uncle, said "We're up here for the holiday,
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay."
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with red dye number three.
He told his niece, "It's Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style,"
She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and its been awhile,"

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said,
Sending hope for peace on earth to all their gods and goddesses.

The food was great, the tree plugged in, the meal had gone without a hitch,
Till Timmy turned to Amber and said, "Is it true that you're a witch?"
His mom jumped up and said, "The pies are burning," and she hit the kitchen,
And it was Jane who spoke, she said, "It's true, your cousin's not a Christian,"
"But we love trees, we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share,
And you find magic from your God, and we find magic everywhere."

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
And where does magic come from? I think magic's in the learning,
'Cause now when Christians sit with Pagans only pumpkin pies are burning.

When Amber tried to do the dishes, her aunt said, "Really, no, don't bother."
Amber's uncle saw how Amber looked like Tim and like her father.
He thought about his brother, how they hadn't spoken in a year,
He thought he'd call him up and say, "It's Christmas and your daughter's here."
He thought of fathers, sons and brothers, saw his own son tug his sleeve, saying,
"Can I be a Pagan?" Dad said, "We'll discuss it when they leave."

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table,
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able,
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old, and
Making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold.

Freezing Friday

2011-12-09T09:27:00.000-08:00

I am very happy it is Friday! The week actually went by fast since I came back to work on Tuesday. It does feel good to be back at work. When I was laid up with the pinched nerve I had a lot of time to think. Too much time really. One of the lines in Desiderata (poem) says: Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. I totally agree! Now that I am back in the swing more it is helping distract me and I don't feel so anxious. Even though I am still sad about Dave being gone there is also part of me that is glad I am alone. I need to stand up tall and proud ON MY OWN!

The temps have been below freezing at night this last week and there have been frost warnings and Spare The Air days all week. Long time readers may remember HG, who is a friend of ours that is homeless. Well, he is working now but still does not have a place to live and sleeps in his car. Sucker Katie, felt bad for him and let him stay at my apt. this week. He is going to pay me $100. The thing is, his back is hurting (sciatica) and he has been sleeping in my bed instead of on the futon. It freaked me out so much the other night, I had a panic attack. I told him and he said he would sleep on the floor but then I got weak and let him back on the bed at the last minute. I am going to tell him tonight that I can't do it anymore.

Then, this morning, when I went out to the carport, another acquaintance of ours was sitting in front of my car and he was hitting me up for money!!! WTH!!! I told him that I resented he was there, that he had NO IDEA what has been going on with me and how screwed up it is that we have not seen him in 6 months and then the first time I see him he hits me up for money. I gave him the $3 I had in my purse and told him to leave and not come back. I am a compassionate person and like to share but come on! I think they know if they give me their sob story I will fall for it. I feel like I am a beacon for the troubled souls. I made a big step with having Dave move and want to proceed with my life without the freeloaders!

On a more positive note, when I was getting dressed this morning, I was able to find and fit into a blouse that I forgot I had and it looks fantastic. That was the highlight of my morning! I think I got it at Nordstrom Rack last year some time. I have been having fun putting different outfits together and accessorizing.

Nothing too exciting planned for the weekend. I want to watch The Help which I got on Amazon. I need to get some exercise and will most likely Wii or swim. I need to see my mom at some point too. Until next time...

Bonus and Better Days

2011-12-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

My impulse buy #4,297 was this Foxy necklace. I saw it on a blog (Lucy's?) and was immediately enamored with it. It was $30 USD which I thought was fairly reasonable. I got it in the mail and loved it as much as I thought I would. Well, yesterday, I looked it up online again just to see the dimensions and it says its reversible! Doh!! So I am wearing it today with the silver and black side. Gotta love a twofer eh?

I got on the scale this morning and I am 249! I know it is because I have not been eating much but hey I will take it. That means I lost 3 lbs this week which is pretty unusual. That also means I have double digits to lose instead of triple. I am also encouraged to be in the 240s again. The lowest I have been on this journey is 248 so after that it will be all new territory. Total so far: 66 lbs.

Better days are coming. My mom always says that and I am slowly able to focus on my future and I really do have SO much to be grateful for. When you are going through a rough time, it is hard to remember that things work out and that you will survive and this too shall pass. I am not terribly excited about the holidays but focusing on friends and family will be my goal this season. I have everything I need so I am not looking for any special gifts. Just spending time with people that I care about is all that matters to me. I still need to figure out something for my mom and I to do on Christmas Eve or Christmas. I suggested we see A Christmas Carol in SF but she was not too hip on it... Maybe we an go see a movie or something... Until next time...

P.S. TOM came to see me today and I am still happy <--- still lost weight!

Grief and Going

2011-12-07T08:37:00.000-08:00

When we think of grief, it usually relates to someone who has died but it can also happen when something catastrophic happens in your life like a divorce, end of a relationship, infertility or a tragedy/disaster. Each person deals with their grief differently and there is no timeline for how long one grieves. The 5 stages (DABDA) are:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

The important thing, in my opinion, is that you allow yourself to process the pain. Suppressing your emotions or being in denial for too long can be harmful to your mental and physical health. Someone told me one time, you have to feel to heal which I totally agree. During my weight loss journey, I have soul searched and come to terms with a lot of the issues that caused my morbid obesity but I had to feel all the pain (who wants to do that right?) but I think it is an integral part of making life altering or lifestyle changes. I believe that is part of my mothers issue is that she is not an emotional person and purposely avoids thinking about what she is facing. She is losing her vision rapidly, she lost her ability to drive and she ended up in the hospital for a month or two. Who wouldn't be depressed about that??? The point is though is she never grieved for the changes that were happening and it snowballed and here we are now...

I am feeling better today. I still did not get much in my belly and ate a cheese sandwich for dinner. I haven't cooked since last week and that needs to change. It stinks cooking for one person. Ugh!! The good news for the day is that my dress pants are looser then they ever have been so I am feeling pretty good about that. Tonight, I am going to my mom's (MUST NOT BAIL!) to help her figure out a bill. I am not up for going out to dinner or anything. Until next time...

Hanging In

2011-12-06T10:48:00.000-08:00

Thanks for all your hugs and comments the last few days. I am back at work today after being off for a month. It was an anxiety ridden morning. I was on the verge of vomiting until I got here and I have no appetite whatsoever. I do an insulin shot in the morning so I have to eat even when I would rather not. I was able to choke down some string cheese and a bite of a Nutrigrain bar. I was not able to drink coffee either which is very unusual for me. I had tea because otherwise I would have a skull crushing headache by noon.

It was an emotionally up and down weekend. I know in my heart I made the right decision in the long run but somehow I did not prepare myself for the aftermath. I did a lot of cleaning and purging and “Katiefied” my apt. I threw out rugs and other misc. items and actually did a little holiday decorating. Not that I am feeling terribly festive but I thought it might help my mood.

My mom is having a hard time too. She went to the neurologist and he attributed her memory issues to depression. I think it is finally sinking in that it was not the stroke and it is the depression. What chaps my hide is that I knew this from the get and even told the admitting doctor back in September that I wanted to admit her for psych. Here we are 3 months later… She keeps saying “I don’t remember” because it is easier then for her to try to think. She used to do emails and answer the phone and now her caregiver is answering the phone and she has not been on email in a month.

My fear after all is said and done, that I will have to move back home. I was extremely unhappy when I was there before (2003) but I may need to do it for her or for financial reasons. The alternative is for her to move into a care facility and we sell the house which is heartbreaking to me too so it remains to be seen. The company charges $24/hr for her caregiver and it adds up quickly… it is great for the short term and we really like Patty but is uber expensive.

I got on the scale this morning and it was 252. I have been in the upper 250s over the last few weeks so it was nice to see a decent number. Now that I am basically healed, I can resume activities which will help get the scale moving in the right direction. Until next time…

See You Later...

2011-12-02T13:05:00.000-08:00

Dave is moving out today. We would have been together 7 years on the 31st. I did everything I could to make it work (and then some) so I know in my heart I am making the right decision but it's still painful. I wish him well and we will be in touch since he will be using my address for the time being while he transitions to a new place. It is a bittersweet day for sure. Until next time...

Katie and Codepenancy

2011-11-30T08:35:00.000-08:00

According to Wikipedia: Codependency (or codependence, co-narcissism or inverted narcissism) is unhealthy love and a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively care-taking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.

Here are some questions that CODA suggests you ask yourself to determine if you are in fact codepenent.

1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?

I have definitely identified with some of the codependent behaviors. Somewhere along the way I got complacent and relied on others to make me happy or by helping them to make me happy. I finally am breaking the cycle of needing to rely on others and focus on relying on me. I AM STRONG and I DESERVE HAPPINESS. I need to remember this! Until next time...

Post #900

2011-11-29T09:28:00.000-08:00

Holy cow it is hard to believe I have done 900 posts! I am scheduled to go to Physical Therapy today at noon. I have not driven since the Sciatica started two weeks ago. I have never had back problems before so this has been a new and humbling experience. For those of you who don't know, Sciatica is pain originating in the sciatic nerve, which runs from the lower back down the back of your legs. Symptoms of sciatica include burning in the leg, pain in the back of the leg when sitting, leg weakness, shooting pain, and more. Causes of sciatica may include lumbar spinal stenosis, degenerative disc disease, pregnancy, and other factors including being overweight. Treatments may include medications, steroid injections, physical therapy, or surgery. Many times, sciatica will ease on its own.

While I was researching info on WebMD I came across an interesting BMI Plus Calculator that takes your metabolism and activity levels into consideration.

My goal is to eventually get down to 150 lbs. which will still be overweight regardless but I still think it a step in the right direction as far as calculating BMI. Let me know what you think. Until next time...

Disclosure

2011-11-28T08:14:00.000-08:00

Thanks for all your hugs, love and support on yesterday's post!

Since I am encroaching on being single, it has been on my mind about meeting/being with someone else/new. When I got together with Dave, I was 38 and I weighed about 270 if I recall. He took me as I am and told me I was beautiful. Then I got heavier and ultimately gained 45 lbs. the first few years we were together. I ended up doing insulin shots twice a day and being diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and given a CPAP machine to sleep with. I felt worlds better and started losing weight. I am still down 60 lbs. from then but I am still doing one insulin shot and sleeping with the CPAP still. Eventually, I may be able to ditch the machine with continued weight loss. Same with the insulin.

How do you tell someone you have to sleep with a machine? I suppose if the person really cared about you it wouldn't matter but how do you even bring it up in a conversation?? Obliviously, it wouldn't have to be brought up right away but it does sit on my nightstand and even if we were watching a movie or something it is sitting right there. I could always hide it but I think that would be counterproductive and would compromise my sleep. I know it is not the biggest priority in the world but it has really been plaguing my mind so I thought I would post about it. Until next time...

It's Hard to Do

2011-11-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

As I have mentioned over the last few months, Dave is still here. I read back to the beginning of this year in my blog and it was in July that I told him things were over between us. I had emotionally separated from him to a certain extent at that point. I still care about him and always will but I know we do not have a future together. We have been together almost 7 years. When my mom went in the hospital, he was extremely helpful to me and made sure I stayed nourished and rested and then again with this sciatic problem. It can't go on forever though and we have been talking and at this point he said he would be gone by next weekend.Any way you look it it, it ain't gonna be easy. It is for the best and I know that I have a bright future but it is hard to see that through my tears right now.... Until next time..

Middle Road

2011-11-26T08:52:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. I went out to dinner with my mom and brother to a restaurant called McCormick & Schmicks. They specialize in Seafood so it right up my alley. I had Sashimi and California rolls for dinner. I also had 3 Lemon Drops which were mighty tasty! They did have a full Thanksgiving dinner but both mom and Bob ate Filet Mignon. We all shared one chocolate mousse for dessert.

Yesterday the extended family got together for lunch but I bailed out. Part of it is being in pain but I just wasn't emotionally up for it either. I am supposed to go to dinner with them tonight and really should but I have been avoiding which is not healthy either. I have been in a funk mood with all the changes going on but I am acknowledging it and trying to push through it. I was proud of myself that I saw Danielle two days in a row and I haven't seen her in months.

I stepped on the scale and it is up a number of pounds. I needed to check myself before I ended up stuffing my face and seeing that number go up too much. I am able to go on short walks so I can be mildly active but I need to control my portions.

Hope you are enjoying your weekend. Until next time...

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T07:52:00.000-08:00

Hoping you all have a good Thanksgiving. Be safe and kind to yourself. xoxo

Puffy and Pain

2011-11-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

Feels like forever since I did a real post... I am still in quite a bit of pain but it is more manageable with the Motrin and muscle relaxers. What really makes it improve is the anti-inflammatory but the muscle relaxers help with the spasms that shoot down my legs. I have been eating more with all the pills and the scale is up but I am giving myself a reprieve. The poison oak is healing slowly but surely. My doctor told me I could use a steroid cream I have and it will accelerate the healing on that front so that is a good thing. I am off of work until December 4th which is putting a big bite into my income...Like Polar's Mom, things could be worse. I still have a lot to be thankful for.

One thing this sciatica has taught me is to be humble and that I want to get this weight off of me once and for all. It has been really hard to maneuver around using just my upper body strength and knees and daily tasks are hard to complete. I have not made it to the bathroom at least half a dozen times over the last week. One day I even had to have Dave help me in the bathroom.

I am going to the eye doctor tomorrow because I am overdue for a retinal eye screening for my Diabetes so it will be good to get that taken care of. Now I just need to make a coochie doctor appt. I have procrastinated and really do need to get in and be seen. Until next time...

Insult to Injury

2011-11-16T02:22:00.000-08:00

As luck would have it, I now have poison oak on my face, shoulder, neck chest and belly. Yippee for me huh?

I am miserable and this sucks! That is all...

Ouch!

2011-11-14T04:11:00.000-08:00

I have Sciatica and in a world of pain. I will be back soon. Until next time...

Fuzzy Friday

2011-11-11T09:38:00.000-08:00

Last night was a very adventurous night... A friend of mine called and said he had a campsite at New Brighton Beach and wanted me to come over and hang out with him. So, after work, I stopped home, changed clothes and was out the door in a few minutes. It took me over an hour to drive there with the traffic so I got there after 7:00 p.m. The moon was really bright and the sky was partially clear so it was a really nice night considering it is November! We had the best time! There were raccoons by the dozen and a few baby skunks! They were all over the place! I have never been that close to a skunk before. By the time we finished talking it was 1:30 a.m.!!! I am used to being in bed by 9:30 p.m. - 10:00 p.m. so it was quite late. By the time I got home and in bed it was after 2:00 a.m. Needless to say I am feeling a little fuzzy today but I totally enjoyed myself so it's all worth it.

I got on the scale this morning (daily) and the scale said 250 so I am taking it since yesterday was my weigh day. That makes 65 lbs. lost. I am bound and determined to be in the 240s next week!

Back in August, I bought 3 personal training sessions that were on special for $129. I have not been able to use any of them since I injured myself at the hospital. Monday is when the soft cast comes off so I scheduled the first appt. for Tuesday at 5:15. The gym is 1.5 miles from my work so I can pop right over there. I am looking forward to setting up a workout plan that I can add to as I increase my strength.

No big plans for this weekend. I really need to sort through paperwork so I am going to attempt that. I have a plan that I will work on it for 15 min intervals so I don't get overwhelmed. We can all eat an elephant, but we still have to do it a bite at a time right? Until next time...

Weigh to Be

2011-11-10T08:55:00.000-08:00

Had a pretty good day yesterday. I had brought my lunch to work but had to go to the Post Office so I ended up eating at Panda Express. I had only been there once before and I did not particularly like the chow mien they serve (I don't like fried rice) so I asked if I could just order an entree item and you can so that is what I did. I got Walnut Prawns. According to their website, this was 370 calories. They do have some healthy options that are called Wok Smart. They are items that are 250 calories or less. Nice to know there are somewhat healthy options when you are craving Chinese food.

I got on the scale this morning and I stayed the same at 252. I have not been active this week with this allergy/cold thing going on so I was not expecting much. My back is also hurting which is really unusual for me so I am going to modify my calories to make up for it.

This was my view this morning on my way to work. I just had to capture it because it was so pretty. As I got closer to work it turned pink but the traffic over here is horrible so I did not want to risk it.

Speaking of traffic, we have an arrival and departure process where the kids are dropped off and picked up and they have to drive in front of our building to get to the school. Well, to avoid the speed bumps that were there, they would swing around into our parking area. Yesterday, the speed bumps were extended so now people cannot avoid them. I don't think I have ever been so happy to see a speed bump EVER. Until next time...

Happy and Sad

2011-11-09T09:23:00.000-08:00

Had a pretty good day yesterday. Went to Denny's as planned. I tried to get a picture of Paige but it didn't turn out very good. I ordered a Cranberry Apple Walnut Salad. Unfortunately, the spring mix they used was wilted so I just ate the toppings. Probably should have had the veggie burger instead. Next time I'll know better...

Yesterday, Fit Stella and I went to the park for lunch. I shared my tuna sandwich with her and then she wanted to play so off to the playground we went. Her favorite part of the park was the slide.There were three different ones so she kept alternating between them. We had a lot of fun and it wore us out. Stay tuned to see where we go next...

Last night after we got home, I wanted to have a cup of tea so I pulled out a chamomile tea and went to put it in the Keurig and it would not turn on. I think I burned out the motor by leaving it on all the time so I went ahead and ordered another one. Bums me out as I just ordered $30 worth of coffee but it will be delivered on Friday so I will have it for the weekend. I looked back to see when I got it and it was in July last year so it lasted a year and a half. I feel like it should have lasted longer but I also left it on so I take responisbility for that.

I got an email from Apple saying my iPhone4S is on its way! Woohoo! It will be delivered to my work next Tuesday by 4:30. I am so excited! I know it is just a phone but I am still looking forward to getting it. One of the major selling points is the camera. It is 8 megapixel (the iPhone4 is 6) and has editing capabilities. Also Siri is going to be my new BFF. Siri is the functionality that answers your questions, schedules appts., dictates emails etc. I puffy heart technology!!! Until next time...

Visitor & Time Flies!

2011-11-08T09:29:00.000-08:00

Had an okay night last night. I overindulged in snacking though last night and while I still tracked my calories it was not pretty. But, today is a new day and I am back on track. I did do some Just Dance 3 last night. I am really liking it a lot. The bonus is it exposes me to music I might not have otherwise heard and they give you the lyrics too (optional)

Look who came to my place?

Fit Stella just arrived today from New Mexico where she enjoyed adventures with Fab Kate. It took her a few days to drive here but she is now rested and ready for her Northern California visit. I brought her to work with me to meet my coworkers and also to play with the kids at recess. I work at a private school and thought that they would like to play with her.

Tonight is a get together for Dave's granddaughter's birthday. She likes to go to Denny's to get her free birthday meal so that is where we are going. She is 15 today! So hard to believe! She and her mom (Dave's daughter) moved back to California from Florida when Paige was 9... it is just so hard to believe that time has flown so quickly.

For those of you who are wondering, yes, Dave is still living with me. Things haven't changed much and his moving out is eminent but with the decline in my mother's health, it was the last thing I could think of dealing with. He was actually helpful during all of that making sure I took care of ME like eating properly and getting rest and just remembering to breathe. I really need to just rip the damn band-aid off but I am afraid so meanwhile nothing changes. It remains to be seen how it will roll out. Until next time...

Fall and Flannel

2011-11-07T09:42:00.000-08:00

Guess what this is

Good Morning my bloggy buds! Hope you had a good weekend. Mine was pretty okay. Nothing too exciting to report. Went a little nuts on sweets on Saturday with some brownies and cookies but curbed it on Sunday. The brownies were at my neighbors and the cookies were at home. The weather was pretty funky so stayed in most of the weekend. Did get on my bike for a few minutes but just rode it around the block before it started raining again.

There have been quite a few NSVs (Non Scale Victories) that losing 65+ lbs has brought on. One of them is the fact that I can use flannel sheets. I have always wanted to try them but I was always hot when I was at my heaviest and could not even think about it but now, I do feel temperatures much more so I got some blue flannel sheets and I absolutely love them. They are so soft, warm and cozy. Makes me want to snuggle in bed longer :-)

The flower above is actually an air freshener! I got it at Target and it smells fantastic. It says it should last 60 days so I will let you know. I put it in the bathroom shelf and it looks great there. It was like $4.99 or so. Hope you have a good day! Until next time...

Fall Friday & BYOC

2011-11-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

It is finally beginning to feel like Fall around here. I wish we had the changing of the seasons like other locales do. The colors are just stunning aren't they?

I did not go to my mom's last night. Yes, I am a flake. I have been feeling rather congested and blowing my face off yesterday so I decided to just go home and rest. I had a huge headache so we ate dinner and I was in bed reading by 9:00 p.m.

My friend, Drazil, always does BYOC which is Bring Your Own Crazy and I thought it would be fun to do since I am pretty drained mentally and physically today. Feel free to play along. Just copy and paste the questions and plug in your answers.

1. What’s on your desk between your monitor and keyboard? (if it’s a laptop – what’s on your desk in general)

The case for my glasses, a glass ladybug and butter cream lip balm by Yankee candle.

2. What’s on your mind right at this moment?

Hoping that the day goes by fast and I can get home and rest

3. What’s in or on your nightstand on your side of the bed?

On my nightstand is a CD player Alarm Clock, Kleenex, my CPAP machine, a lamp and my reading glasses

4. What’s on YOUR Christmas wish list (let’s assume you’d get what was on it)?

Honestly, I feel like I have everything I need and then some. Maybe a book or music but I am pretty content

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

It has been an up and down week in real life. As for blog land, one of my favorite bloggers left but she did it eloquently by letting us know why. I have the utmost respect for her and will truly miss her wit and wisdom. A number of bloggers that had disappeared for awhile have come back and recommitted so that was encouraging!

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I don't have any big plans. I will have to go see my mom at some point but nothing scheduled other then that. Until next time...

P.S. Don't forget to set your clocks back an hour Saturday night before you go to bed!

Weigh Day and My Lap

2011-11-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

Had a decent night last night. Dinner was a Caeser Salad with Prawns from across the street. The prawns were a little overdone so I think I will go back to the salmon. It is always cooked perfectly. I was extra tired so I went to bed and read at 9:00 p.m. and was asleep shortly thereafter. I am reading A Place of Yes on my Kindle.

Today is weigh day and I am happy to report a 2 lb. loss which puts me at 252. It is encouraging to see the scale moving again let me tell you. I have not been exercising like I need to be though. With my injuries I have been a little lax. I have to wear the soft cast until 11/14/11 but that does not mean I can't be active in the meantime.

My buddy Negra

This is my neighbor's dog, Negra. She is my wittle fwend! Isn't she cute? When I go and visit I always pick her up and cuddle on her and sometimes she will sit in the chair next to me so I can pet her. Well last night, without any prompting, she hopped on my lap! She has never done that before... my belly was in the way before so she could not sit comfortably but now that it is slimming down there is room for her. I was shocked! I have a lap again! A great NSV! (Non Scale Victory)

Going to my mom's tonight and not really looking forward to it. She is upset because she got a bill for the in-home care she has been receiving and was angry it was so much. I had to explain that I was presented with two options: one was for her to go home with assistance or the other was for her to go into Assisted Living. She wanted to go home so that is what I made happen and now she feels like she wasn't consulted which she was all along. The stroke has affected her short term memory so I have to be patient and remember to breathe. Until next time...

P.S. Shannon, I need your address to send the coffee so email it to me at katiejisonherway at gmail dot com :-) ok?

Eleven Two Eleven

2011-11-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

Had a mellow night last night. I made Tilapia for dinner with spinach and garlic bread. I am not fond of Tilapia but I used some Panko breading with lemon pepper and it came out good. I think I would like anything with Panko breading. Wish I had discovered it earlier! No exercise to speak of and even though I wore my fitbit I did not track my food. It was sheer laziness really... I need to be more diligent!

I love strong coffee. I only drink one cup a day and I want it to count! I do use creamer and Splenda but I still like a good coffee buzz. Well, when Amazon sent me an email saying they had a variety pack of Bold Not Burnt K-cups I jumped on it. The thing with the Keurig coffees is that they are hit or miss when it comes to taste but I figured these were right up my alley.

It came with 35 cups so it worked out to be 85 cents a cup which is a great price. The only drawback was some of them were Decaf.

So, if you have a Keurig machine and don't mind decaf you can have them. I will mail them anywhere in the US or Canada. Just leave a comment on this post. Make sure I have a way to contact you for your address. Until next time...

11/1/11

2011-11-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hope you all had a safe and sane Halloween. I ended up just staying home and hanging out instead of going with the neighbor kids. I did not have dinner by the time they wanted to go so I told them to go on without me. We did have a handful of Trick or Treaters and I was impressed by this one:

His name is Kirby but I had never heard of him.

It must have been hard to walk around like that but definitely an entertaining costume! We passed out Tootsie Rolls (Dana), Tootsie Pops and Dots because I am not a fan of them and not tempted to eat them at all. Although, they did have little vanilla ones and I did have 4 of those over the last few days but that was it. In all honesty, I am not huge on chocolate anymore. I binged out on it before starting my WL and it still doesn't appeal to me very much which is a good thing I guess. My 1st choice more often then not is Strawberry over chocolate.

I am glad it is a new month. It always feels like a clean slate to me but with this new month comes holidays and I am not looking forward to them this year. It is almost always just me and my mom and we have managed to make it work but I am kinda dreading it this year. I will start thinking about what we can do now. It will make me feel better to have a plan. Until next time...

Halloween 2011

2011-10-31T09:11:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween! Hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was good, especially Saturday. As I mentioned Friday, it was a pampering day for Katie J. I had a pedicure in the morning and she took her time because she did not have anyone coming in right away. Then, in the afternoon, I went in for the massage. His name was Tommy. He asked me what I was looking for as far as far as technique and I was not sure what I needed. He ended up doing deep tissue for the hour. While he massaged my legs, he asked me what was on my legs and told him it was NLD and he said his dad had it. It is pretty rare so I was surprised that someone even knew what it was. Secondly, we were talking about exercising and losing weight (he was seriously buffed) and I mentioned what I had been doing and he said “I can really tell in your shoulders and you have a more defined waist and your glutes! Sheesh they are hard! Just keep doing what your doing girl!” It was definitely a stroke to the ego and motivation to keep pushing forward. I did end up going to Blinky’s for a little while in the evening. I had not seen Danielle in forever and promised her I would go. Here is what I looked like:

I did behave myself and only had 2 beers and a kami over the course of 2-3 hours. I did not drive so I knew it was okay to imbibe a little. Here is a picture of the bartender, Danny. He is wearing Danielle's dress from when she used to be a Budweiser girl. It was so funny watching him tug and pull on the dress to cover himself Heather is Alice in Wonderland in the background :-)

I finally tried the Just Dance 3 for Wii and I L-O-V-E it! It has great music and fun dances and tracks your scores multiple ways. I even earned a few badges and stars. There are different programs you can set up to simulate walking a half hour a day so that is what I have programmed now. Hope you have a spooky day today! Until next time...

Katy Perry - California Gurls ft. Snoop Dogg

2011-10-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

This is the first song I danced to on Just Dance 3. Definitely got the heart rate going :-)

Pain in the A**

2011-10-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I was on my own for the night so I had a sandwich for dinner. I got kinda snacky after that and to avoid binging, I just went to bed. I did wake up for a little while and watched Private Practice. LOVE that show! I was up early and thought about exercising (for a nanosecond) but layed back down for another hour.

The other day, I woke up with a large scratch across my left butt cheek. It looks like a scrape from something but I don't recall when it might of happened. Well, this morning, I woke up and have a similiar scrape on my right butt cheek. They are tender to the touch and a little itchy. It could be spider bites or something but how odd eh? I have ointment on them and hoping it heals quickly.

Tomorrow is Pamper Katie J Day. I have a pedicure schedule for the morning and a 1 hour Massage scheduled for the afternoon. I bought a coupon for it a year ago and it expires on Monday so I am glad I get to use some of it. As for Saturday night, there is a Halloween Party at Blinky's but I am not sure I will go. I do have a costume but not sure if I am up to dealing with drunk people in costumes LOL - It is supposed to be nice weather all weekend so I would like to get outside and enjoy the sunshine before it goes away. Hope you have a good weekend. Be safe! Until next time...

Weigh and Way

2011-10-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

Had a pretty good evening. I was not in the mood to cook so I got a Ceaser Salad with Salmon from Mariani's. They have 1/2 off on entrees from 4:00 pm - 6:30 pm every weekday. So, my salad with a huge piece of salmon was $8! Can't beat that eh? I actually just ate the salmon and left the salad.

I have decided that Thursdays are now my new weigh-in day. Today I weighed 254 which is a loss of 1 lb. It was encouraging to see the scale move down again. I have been bouncing around the 250s and would really like to see them go away once and for all. I am going to make it happen!

On my way home from work, I encounter quite a bit of traffic. This is new to me since I have worked and lived within a 5 mile radius most of my working life. What floors me and irratates me to no end is when people are waiting for a light and instead of being a normal distance from the car in front of them, they are clearly at least 3-4 car lengths away. This seems to be happening more and more and I don't know why. I try not to let it get to me but there are days I will honk at someone if they do it in front of me. What is their reasoning. Leave a big space and someone is less likely to hit them? I just don't get it. Does it happen to you where you live or is it just a Cali thing? Until next time...

Calibrating

2011-10-26T08:45:00.000-07:00

Had a decent night with food but no exercise per say. I was tired so I decided to go to bed at 9:30 p.m. The bad news about going to bed that early is I was up at 4:30 a.m. but was able to catch another hour of sleep. For a fleeting moment, I thought about going for a walk but decided it was too dark and cold -- what a wimp!

This has not been a great year on the weight loss front for me. I think I am down like 8 lbs. for the entire year. Sure it's better then gaining 8 lbs. but it seems like I am getting nowhere fast. I have not given up though and I WILL NOT GIVE UP on getting to my goal weight. I need to recalibrate and start focusing on myself and my goals again instead of worrying about what I can’t change or have control over.

Today, I have my Fitbit on, my lunch is packed and I have renewed my mojo to get that scale moving in the right direction again. Little steps strung together make big changes, right? Until next time…

Stick it in Your Ear

2011-10-25T08:44:00.000-07:00

I wanted to tell you what happened to me the other day in hopes I can save it from happening to you. First of all, I am addicted to using Q-Tips. I thought it was an oddity but if you Google it, I am obviously not the only one. Most days I just use them once but there are occasions I will use them in the morning AND at night.

We recently ran out and Dave decided to buy some bargain brand and I was hesitant to use them but in a pinch, I needed something so I decided to use one. Well, apparently, I am rough on Q-tips because with the "bargain" swab, the cotton head came off IN MY EAR. I was freaking out!! What do I do? Should I call a neighbor? Can I get it out myself? What if it stuck? Well I took a deep breath, grabbed a pair of tweezers and fished the cotton out of my ear. Fortunately, I got it all out in one try but I was so worried it was too deep to get it all. Whew! Lesson learned, I will NOT use bargain brand swabs ever again!!!

Holding steady on the scale. I still need to pick a weekly weigh day. Now that things are settling down with my mom's situation, I can start focusing on my WL again. I had some blood work down last week when I went to the doctor and all my numbers were in range except for my cholesterol. There was a problem with the medication I was taking so I stopped taking it a few months ago. Well, now I am on another med to get that number in check. I am still wearing the soft cast until Nov. 17th so I can focus on other areas then my arms until then. Until next time...

Monday Musings

2011-10-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hope you all had a good weekend. It was the 1st decent weekend I have had in awhile. Saturday I spent part of the day at my mom’s taking care of bills etc. I signed her up for Life Alert which eases my mind quite a bit. The caregiver is there from 9:00 am – 8:00 pm so she is covered there but in the event there is a problem in the middle of the night then she can get help. They also have it so it is connected to the fire alarms and carbon monoxide alarms so if there is a problem they will be alerted. It is $59.95 but worth every penny for the piece of mind.

Yesterday I spent most of the day getting organized. I have been pretty scattered with all that has been going on so it felt good to get a grip on the paperwork. While I was taking a break, one of my neighbors, Joanne, asked me if I wanted her to give me a Tarot card reading. I was a little nervous but I went ahead and did it. I can’t tell you what question I asked (yet) but it was quite favorable and I am hoping it comes true. She said that it will most likely happen in 3 days, 3 weeks or 3 months so I will keep you all posted.

Eating was pretty good overall. I made a chicken in the Crockpot yesterday and plan on making some homemade chicken soup with it. I seem to be holding steady at 255. I don’t have my Fitbit on today but have my breakfast and lunch packed so I should be on track for the day. Until next time…

Marc Cohn - Walking In Memphis

2011-10-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

Great song! Hope you enjoy...

Adele - Someone Like You

2011-10-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

I heard that you settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Scattered Cat

2011-10-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

I survived my first day back to work. It was actually pleasant! One of the VPs who had left a few years ago has come back so it has changed the dynamic quite a bit. The mess that was left when I was here last was ALL cleaned up and the mood is definitely different. I think it is a good thing but we shall see.

I wore my fitbit yesterday but I did not put it on this morning. I did peek at the scale and it is going down so that is encouraging. I ate well all day and was able to get out on my bike for a little while after dinner. My tires needed air so I got it ready for the weekend. It is supposed to be in the mid 80s this weekend. Gotta love California!

Do you remember this guy?

I have seen him the last few times I went to get my haircut. I thought he was a girl! Well, I went last week and he was sitting out on the driveway so I decided to bring him home for the night. I gave him some love, some milk and even gave him a bath. I brought him back the next morning and talked to the "owner" Victor. He said he just showed up about 3 years ago and ironically it happened 3 days after he had to put his dog down and he follows Victor around just like his dog did. He was impressed that I gave him a bath but it actually was really easy. Oliver was not resistant to it if you can believe that! He said I could take him home if I wanted but we aren't supposed to have pets so I have decided to decline but at least I can go and see him anytime.

It is going to a nice weekend so I would like to get out and ride my bike. I left Just Dance 3 at work last night so I will try it tonight. I do have to go see my mom tomorrow but should have the rest of the weekend free. I am reading A Place of Yes by Bethany Frankel and I am really liking it so I will dive into reading that as well. Have a great weekend! Until next time...

New "Normal"

2011-10-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.

Robert Cushing

It seems like forever since I have written a proper blog post. I have really missed blogging! I feel so out of touch with everyone. I am trying to create my new "normal." Life turned upside down for me in the last two months and I am looking forward to things settling down a bit. I know they won't ever be the same but I have to forge ahead...

Today is the first day back to work since October 3rd. I have to wear my wrist cast until November 17 but I am able to perform all my work duties according to the release. I was trying not to stress about coming back and being inundated with tasks but it looks like they actually did my duties while I was out. This is the first time they have done that since I started here in ’04.

I have gained 6 pounds since being out of commission with my ankle, shoulder and wrist. I am not surprised given my binging episodes and lack of activity. It could have been SO much worse so I am actually grateful that it wasn’t more. Today I have my Fitbit on, my lunch packed and trying to have a good attitude so I can carry out the day.

Speaking of attitudes, I recently went to the doctor and I expressed that I was having a lot of anxiety as I have mentioned here and she prescribed anti-anxiety med to help me with that. It is non-addictive and seems to take the edge off enough so I can function better. It does not seem to have any side affects so far which is good. My other doctor actually commented that I seemed more upbeat which is a good sign. I had been pretty grumpy the last few appointments.

I pre-ordered Just Dance 3 which was released October 7th. It was shipped to our old address so I am going to pick it up at lunch time from UPS. So far the reviews seem pretty favorable so I am excited to get it. I will give you my opinion once I try it.

Well I am off to try to catch up with you guys... Hope you all have been behaving! Until next time…

Coldplay - Paradise

2011-10-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach so
She ran away in her sleep
And dreamed of
Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise
Every time she closed her eyes

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth
Life goes on, it gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear a waterfall
In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
In the night the stormy night away she'd fly
And dreams of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
She'd dream of
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh

La-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
And so lying underneath those stormy skies
She'd say, "oh, ohohohoh I know the sun must set to rise"

This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Para-para-paradise
This could be
Para-para-paradise
Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh

It's Coming...

2011-10-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

Me want Cider!

Happiness is...

2011-10-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

Happiness is a great cup of coffee on a Sunday morning listening to Acoustic Sunrise...

Thank you Shelley! XOXO

P.S. You can stream Acoustic Sunrise from anywhere on the web. Definitely worth a listen :-)

Head Spinning Monday

2011-10-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

Today is my first day back at work in 3 weeks. Even though I was covered for the time I took off with FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) I was still nervous to come back to work. My nerves were shot this morning and I ended up throwing up from all the anxiety. I have been doing pretty well at not showing my emotions lately but I am taking it out on my body by not eating properly. I am up on the scale and I expected a little of it because I have not been able to be as active with a sprained shoulder, wrist and ankle. I also have had more junk food in the last few weeks then I have had in years and it made me feel horrible. I also messed up on my meds and did not take my water pill for almost a week so I am retaining and now flushing out lots of fluids. I am going to give myself a reprieve on weighing in until next week.

I wanted to share some pictures of the finished ceramic pieces I painted.

I ended up giving the bowl to Pat who was the Superintendent for the construction of our building. He was such a nice guy that I wanted him to have a memento of being here. He was really touched that I gave it to him so that made me even happier to give it to him. Until next time...

Life's Lemons

2011-09-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

Google has cleared the warning from my blog and no malware is present so my blog should not give you any warnings. If you want you can subscribe by email you can do so by clicking here.

Life has been CRAZY the last few weeks. I have not been at work since Sept. 9th. My mom's health went down hill all of a sudden and she has been in the hospital twice since then. She is recovering now but she is still rather shaky and has awhile before she will able to build strength and be able to be on her own again if ever. She did have a stroke which I expected and fortunately it did not cause any mobility or speech problems. She also had some kidney issues due to too much medication and not enough sustenance and liquids. She is skin and bones. It has been scary, stressful, agonizing and heartbreaking. By the same token, it could have been way worse. Somehow, I have been able to muster strength to handle everything though. She is going to have someone prepare meals, do med reminders and exercise and occupational therapy with her daily in home.

While visiting her in the hospital I took a spill on some ice water on the restroom floor and sprained my shoulder, wrist and ankle. I have soft casts on my ankle and wrist and will need them for a few more weeks. The ankle is causing the most pain but I haven't been taking anything for the pain because it makes my brain muddy. My eating has been hit or miss and I am up on the scale but it has not been completely out of control. I can see where I could go into a tailspin quickly but I keep getting on the scale to catch myself from getting too far out of control.

I miss reading all your blogs! I wiped out 1,000s of posts in Google Reader because it was just too much pressure so I am hoping to be able to catch up with you all soon. Hope you have a good weekend. Until next time...

Google and Sh*t

2011-09-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

According to Google, there has not been any malware on my blog in the last 90 days but it may take a few WEEKS to update the listing.

Life went haywire but I am too tired to blog about it yet. I am hanging in there though and trying to rest today. I miss everyone and hope to be back soon.

Malware &#$@

2011-09-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

I am working on getting my blog back online. According to Google, it was not infected with the malware in the last 90 days. I have already lost like 6 followers so I am trying to work on it as fast as I can. What a bummer! I tell you right now, once it is stable, I am going to back it up. I have poured my blood, sweat and lots of tears into that blog and it breaks my heart to think that it could be lost.

At least it's Friday, right?

On the Edge

2011-09-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

Well I am glad there was a deficit but definitely not where I wanted to be. Boy oh boy is this a slippery slope. Once I opened the floodgate to overeating, it is hard to get it shut and locked again! Oy! It happens the most at night so I need to be more balanced during the day with my caloric intake. I need to eat more frequently and not hold out then chow down like there's no tomorrow. Blerghhh... but alas today is a new day. That is what is different with this attempt vs. all my other attempts at weight loss. Instead of wallowing, I try to get back to it the next day.

I checked with my mom's insurance and the Home Instead is not something that is covered. BIG bummer! I am going to call her doctor today and let her know. I may have to have her admitted to the hospital to get her stablized with her meds and food. It would not be the first time but it is heartbreaking nonetheless. She wants to be independent and I want her to too BUT if she can't handle the basics then we have to come up with another plan. I am going to have dinner with her tonight and we'll probably go the the Fish Market.

I am trying hard to keep my chin up...

Sore and More

2011-09-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a better day then Monday, eating wise but it was also an emotional day. I was really close to not going to the swim class but I got there and I was glad I did it! The teacher was very nice and checked in with me a few times during the class. Yesterday, it was in the mid to upper 80s so she took it easy on us since it was so warm. Next time, she would not be so easy. I told her that was enough to wear me out! We were moving the entire hour and I can definitely feel it all over today, in a good way though.

Eating was funky again yesterday. I was feeling anxious so I did not eat much during the day and I also did not eat before going to the class. When I got back I was famished. I ate healthy items but all in about an hour and too close to bedtime so I am feeling a little shaky this morning. The good news is the scale moved down so that made me feel a little better. I am leaning towards a Thursday or Friday weigh in but I will let you know and one of these frickin days I will measure myself.

Speaking of measuring, I need to get some new bras. Of all the expenditures I have had to make while losing weight, the bras have been the most costly. Even if I get them on sale they are still at least $25-$30 each. I just had the underwire break in two of them last week. I would like to get some matching sets this time though. I have always wanted to wear matching bras and panties but never have. A new treat for me!! Until next time...

Hit and Miss

2011-09-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

Hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was kinda hit and miss. Good overall but it went to hell food wise yesterday. I am totally bloated and belly sick today. The scale is up A LOT and I am trying not to let it get me down. I am just focusing on what's ahead. I know why I did it and should have had more self control but it is done and over with. Said items have been removed from the residence.

Tonight I am going to Aqua Fitness with my friends, Danielle and Judy. It is at 6:00 p.m. This is my first week but they both did it last week. It is every Tuesday for 8 weeks and we can make up the times we miss so that is good news. I am scheduled to see Riley on Monday the 12th. Riley is the personal trainer that I will be seeing to set up a workout regimen.

Since I am no longer in a challenge of any kind, I need to pick a day to weigh in. I used to like Wednesdays or Thursdays so that is what I may do. I will let you know. Until next time...

Imagine - John Lennon

2011-09-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

This is for you Deb O - I'm so sorry I never got to say goodbye - I will always think of you when I hear this song. Rest in Peace my dear

PostSecret App Trailer - Everybody Has Secrets

2011-09-04T10:08:00.000-07:00

I have been anxiously awaiting this app! If you don't have access to it you can still check out the secrets at Postsecret

Shotgun Down The Avalanche (Shawn Colvin)

2011-09-03T12:14:00.000-07:00

I have always enjoyed this song so it was a bonus to hear Alison Krauss accompany her.

Shotgun Down the Avalanche

I'm riding shotgun down the avalanche
Tumbling and falling down the avalanche

So be quiet tonight
the stars shine bright
On this mountain of new fallen snow
But I will raise up my voice into the void
You have left me nowhere to go

I love you so much and it's so bizarre
A mystery that goes on and on and on
This is the best thing and the very most hard
And we don't get along

After countless appeals
we keep spinning our wheels
On this mountain of new fallen snow
So I let go the catch and we are over the edge
You have left me nowhere to go

I'm riding shotgun down the avalanche

Sometimes you make me lose my will to live
And just become a beacon for your soul
But the past is stronger than my will to forgive
Forgive you or myself, I don't know

I'm riding shotgun down the avalanche
Tumbling and falling down the avalanche

So be quiet tonight
be sure to step lightly
On this mountain of new fallen snow
But I will raise up my voice into the void
You have left me nowhere to go

I'm riding shotgun down the avalanche

I'm the Mama

2011-09-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

I am not going to talk about WL today…

I took my mom to her appt. yesterday and basically had to throw her under a bus about all her habits as of late and her behavior. To complicate things, they lost her blood work results so she has to go back and have that redone. I was beyond frustrated about it and tried to hold my composure but it got a little heated between me and her doctor. We resolved it and have a plan of action. Her weight was 119 and her blood pressure was 160/90 because she is not taking her meds properly. Ughhhh…

We were in the car after having a bite to eat at Fish Market and she told me “You’re the mama” and “It’s your turn now” which kinda freaked me out. It is a big responsibility and it weighs heavy on my heart but like I have said before, we always manage to pull through these life altering events. It is going to take a while to get her stabilized but I have hope that once she gets back on her meds and is eating properly that she will be better able to handle things.

My brother is coming tonight and my mom asked me if I was going to “bail” out on the weekend since he was here. It was funny to hear her using my lingo. I told her I was not sure if I would be around and she requested that I at least come over and relay the state of affairs to him. I think I can handle that but I could also just put it in writing for him. We will see I guess. Mom also mentioned that they were going to see The Help. I have been holding out on seeing it so her and I could go together but now she is going with him and asked if I could come too. I am so close to blowing a gasket with him, I am not sure if I can handle spending any “extra” time with him.

As far as the weekend goes, I don’t have much planned. Danielle and I are going to go to the Flea Market and walk around. I don’t really need anything but it is always fun to look and get some exercise. Last time we were there we walked 12,000 steps! I want to go to the gym and I do have an appt. on Monday to meet with Riley. I hope you all have a great 3 day weekend. Until next time…

September's Here!

2011-09-01T09:09:00.000-07:00

Hmmm interesting numbers. I thought I ate more calories then that but then again, I was feeling anxious so that does affect my hunger.

Thanks ladies for your comments on the training. I just need to get out and walk that is for sure. I just thought Riley might have some pointers since he is a runner. I may try to run a little of it. In fact, I need to check with Bella to see if she still plans on doing the race. Either way, I am going to do it. I am doing it for ME!

The appt. went really well with the Home Instead rep. Her name is Jennifer. We are thinking that we could start at 5 days per week and then scale back if need be. My mom liked the idea and really liked Jennifer. I ended up hugging her because I was just so pleased to know that there is help out there. I did call my brother and left him a voicemail. He has not responded to my email but like I said, I am not surprised. I wanted him to look at the materials and so forth so we can all be on the same page. He will be here tomorrow night. In fact, I am going to have him do mom's pill drill for her so he can see what that is like. I don't plan on seeing him over the weekend but we will see. It gives me an opportunity to take a little respite from her. Today I am taking her to the doctors so I am leaving work early to do so. We will go for an early dinner at the Fish Market and then I will head home.

I am trying to figure out how to attach my DVD player and Wii to the new TV and I have not had the time to figure it out. I got a great deal at Target the other day on the Gold's Gym Cardio Workout. It was $10.99. I really want to try it but I need to be able to hook it up first so that is my plan tonight. Until next time...

Training and End of Summer

2011-08-31T09:18:00.000-07:00

Thank you for the feedback on yesterday's post! There are so many variables! To answer your question Anonymous, the total caloric burned number is generated by the Fitbit. It is the total for the entire day. It does have it broken down but for the display purposes I just take the daily total.

I finally went to the gym after work!! I am so glad that I went! I did a little cardio and some leg machines. I happened to inquire with one of the Personal Trainers about the calorie question and he said the best deficit would be 500-750 per day. He was a nice young man and very approachable. I told him I was looking to have someone set up a progressive program for me. Well, we looked and they are running a special for 3 sessions for $129. I did do this promotion last year but apparently I am eligible to sign up for it again so I did! I need to call today and schedule my 1st appt.

I don't know if you all remember but I signed up for my very 1st 5K and it is on September 18th. I am going to walk this one. I am hoping that a year from now I will be able to run it but at this weight, I think walking is better. Maybe I could throw in a little slogging. I have done nothing to prepare for this but Riley (the trainer) is a running guy so I am going to ask him what my best plan of action will be.

Tonight I am meeting with the Home Instead rep at my mom's house. It should take about an hour to do the assessment. I hope it goes well. I am pretty confident it will though. I will be going home after the appt. She has a doctor's appt. tomorrow and she wanted me to take her and I have a few hours on the books so I am going to go with her. Unfortunately, it is her PCP which I am not a fan of (either is she) but Dr. G is the gate keeper for her to go see specialists. I want her to go back to the Neurologist who can make a better assessment about what is going on with her and get her the treatment and meds she needs. Until next time...

Calories and Cathartic

2011-08-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

Had a good evening last night. Had a BLT for dinner and made it a wrap. It was tasty! After dinner, I did some crunches and used the medicine ball for some upper arm work. I did not have a chance to do measurements and hoping to do them tonight. Maybe I will even take some comparison pics - we will see.

My calorie goal has been 1400-1600 calories per day. According to the Fitbit, I should be eating more calories. For example, yesterday I consumed 1704 cals but it said I was 332 under. That seems kind of strange to me. I know it is based on my weight, age, activity level etc. but it just seems like a lot. Hard to imagine I am not eating enough. Any thoughts?

I am planning on going to the gym after work today. My gym bag is packed and ready to go. I plan on doing some cardio and then some leg machines since I worked on my arms and upper body last night. My girlfriends are starting a Aqua Fitness class today that is offered through the city. I am going to sign up for it but start it next week. It is for 8 weeks every Tuesday and I can make up the ones we have missed already. It will be fun to have a buddies to exercise with.

I wrote a scathing letter to my brother yesterday. He has decided to come to visit again this weekend but I learned about his visit from my mom. I have held it in for years and years and I finally let it fly. He did not respond but I am not surprised. I called him on ALL his bullsh*t like forgetting mom's birthday, not taking care of things when he visits etc. It was not my intent to fight with him but I could not hold it in anymore. I feel worlds better now that I put it out there. Hopefully, it will bring some kind of resolution. Until next time...

Mawkish Monday and STS Finale

2011-08-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

First off, I have to say that I hope those of you in the path of Irene are safe and sound. I have no idea how scary that must be. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Weight: I stayed the same. 248 - Total for Challenge: 2 lbs (how pitiful!)

Water Consumption: I actually did pretty good with water this week.
Activities: I did not try a new class. I did not get 10K per day

I just suck when it comes to challenges. I have high hopes and then I peter out a few weeks after it starts. I will be taking this into consideration when another challenge starts. They are meant to encourage each other not to set yourself for failure. Blerghh.... I am hoping to do some measurements tonight to see if I made any headway there. I am feeling different in my clothes so I think I may have lost some inches. We shall see...

Had a decent weekend. Eating was hit and miss though. I have a tendancy to try to only eat two meals on the weekends and it throws my blood sugar off. I need to be more diligent about smaller snacks in between so my blood sugar does not plummet. Saturday I spent time with my mom. I explained that we are going to meet with someone from Home Instead to learn more about their program. She seemed pretty receptive to it, thankfully.

Sunday, I went to Aptos (Santa Cruz) to see my Uncle Steve and his wife Debbie. Had a nice visit with them and they sent me home with a basket of goodies which included pluots, homemade relish and marinade. Also included was a lb. each of these

Debbie works at Whole Foods in their corporate office so they get all sorts of vendors coming in trying to get their products sold their and they reap the benefits. He gave me some of the Three Peckered Billy Goat last year and it knocked my socks off so I am anxious to try the Dead Man's Reach which is made by the same company. I will be sure to let you know how it is. Until next time...

Exchanging Comments

2011-08-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

A common question I get is how I follow up on comments on my blog. I generally will go to the commenter's blog if they have one and leave my response/comments there. But, there is another way of doing it that enables you to communicate which is by email.

If you use Blogger, Go to the Dashboard and click on Edit Profile next to your picture:

Then scroll down the page under Privacy and mark the box SHOW MY EMAIL box.

Put the email address you would like your followers to use. If you are concerned about privacy, you could created a non-identifying email address for this purpose. By default this is noreply-comment@blogger.com

Then scroll down to the Identity Section on go to the Email Address field. The email address you use should be input here. I use my regular email addy but again you can create one just for this purpose.

Then click on Save Profile. You are all set to communicate back and forth by email!

P.S. If you have any questions on this please let me know. I wish more people did this!

Colbie Caillat - I Do

2011-08-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

This is a fun new song by Colbie :o) I like it!

Torn

2011-08-26T09:17:00.000-07:00

Had an emotional day yesterday but we made some headway as far as care for my mom. There is a company called Home Instead that provides services to seniors. I am going to see my mom tomorrow and have a discussion about it. I will try not to be emotional and just stick to the facts. My brother contacted the company too but I told him I thought it was redundant. I am literally about to blow a gasket with him too but I know that will not help the situation. He can't even remember to call my mom on Mother's day or her Birthday but he thinks he can come in and fix everything and then bail again. Sorry, dude, it just doesn't work that way. Bungie brother is what I have been referring to him as. He is more concerned about money and himself then he is about us and it is painfully obvious.

Sunday afternoon, I will be going to Santa Cruz (Aptos) to see my biological Uncle Steve and his wife Debbie. I will be going in the afternoon and we will BBQ and hang out. I have not seen him since last summer but we have stayed in touch through FB and by phone. I can't believe it has been a year since I discovered I had biological family that I never knew existed. I am still processing all the information even though it has been a little over a year. It changed how I view myself and enlightened me on why I behave certain ways. It challenges the nature vs. nurture theory for sure. I have a whole post brewing on that topic.

Hoping to get to the gym this weekend. I could go tomorrow afternoon or Sunday morning. At least if I did that I could say I completed at least ONE part of the STS challenge. We will see I guess... Until next time...

Woes and Blows

2011-08-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

I am surprised there was even a deficit yesterday. I ate way too much and my belly is making me pay today. It started with going to Foster's Freeze at lunch. I had a fish sandwich but it was 600 some odd calories. Had a decent dinner but then had two Skinny Cow ice creams and then some banana bread. I have not eaten that many calories in a LONG time. Ughhhh...

One of the reasons I think I stuffed my pie hole is the situation with my mom. She is having a hard time adjusting to her new "normal" not being able to drive and having vision and memory problems. I am checking into this organization called Home Instead which provides companionship and various duties like cooking and light housekeeping so she can stay at home. I know that she would prefer to stay at home as long as possible vs. going into a retirement community. When we had someone come in to assist her when she had heart surgery in 2007 it worked out really well so I am hopeful.

The other issue is my brother. He is not involved in the day-to-day things regarding my mom but he seems to think he can come in and fix everything and leave. Reality just does not work that way and so I am the one who handles the aftermath. I wish he was more involved but that just ain't happening so I will just deal accordingly. It is hard for me to watch my mom's deteriorating vision and memory. I have been through some major stuff with her and she made it through okay (breast cancer and heart surgery etc.) so we can handle this. It is a part of life and I know millions of people deal with worse every day but this is my situation and it is upsetting me right now. Until next time...

Putting it Away

2011-08-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I showed you the new handbag that I got for my 70 lb. goal which I have NOT achieved yet. Well, some of you said that I should wait until I achieve the goal before I use it. I already switched over but in honor of your requests, I am going to switch back to the old one tonight and wait until I actually DO achieve the goal to start using. Fair enough?

Last night I was tired and did not feel like cooking so my friend and I walked over to a Pho restaurant that is close to my apt. They have just about every dish you could imagine on their menu. The food is tasty and the prices are very reasonable so it is a win-win. They also have smoothies that have the pearls in the bottom. Have you ever tried one of those? I have seen them for years but never brave enough to try it so I did the last time I was there. The pearls are made from gelatin. Did you know that gelatin is good for you? Here are some of the health benefits:

Gelatin appears to be beneficial to athletes for muscle growth and metabolism.
Gelatin promotes a feeling of fullness.
Gelatin helps maintain regularity
Gelatin's high collagen protein content helps keep your skin smooth and firm. Many creams contain collagen to moisturize the skin but it is more effective when taken through food.
Gelatin strengthens the hair, keeping it looking shiny and healthy.
Gelatin is also excellent for the nails because it makes them stronger, so they do not break easily.
Gelatin is excellent for your bones because of its high concentration of glycoprotein and proline amino acids. If you have a deficiency in both amino acids, you can have joint pain. When it is taken orally, it travels directly to your blood and from there; it goes to its destination, the connective tissue. By adding at least 10 grams of gelatin to your regular diet, your joints will quickly regenerate in case you overexert yourself.

I had heard that it was good for you but I did not realize that it had so many benefits. I am not a huge fan of jello but with all those benefits, I might have to learn to like it - lol! Until next time...

Treats and Eats

2011-08-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

I had a great day yesterday. After work, I decided to ride my bike to do some errands. Nikki went with me and we went to Radio Shack and Office Max. I went in to buy a Universal remote control as the one in the front room randomly stopped working. Well... I ended up buying a 32" LCD Flat Screen TV.

I had been researching them and they had one for a really good price so I bit the bullet and bought it. We continued our shopping and then went home and I got my car so we could pick it up. I enlisted Nikki's brother Joe to help me hook it up and he did it. For his efforts, I took him and Nikki to McD's to get something and he said that I was the coolest "older person" he has ever met. He is 14 and meant it in the kindest way but I teased him saying I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not. :-)

On Sunday night, I made some fabulous Banana bread with Flaxseed. They came out very moist and they were quite filling. Making them was a little labor intensive because you have to soak the oats first but other then that they were easy. They have 5 grams of protein 150 cals per serving. You can find the recipe here.

I treated myself to my 70 lb. goal treat over the weekend. I am close and since we were at Santana Row and they have a Vera Bradley store, I decided to get one a few pounds in advance. It is called a Hipster and the pattern is called Baroque.

It is a little smaller then what I am used to but I am trying to pare down on everything that I carry with me so this will help. Until next time...