Why Oh Why Friday

Had a good night last night. Was a little snacky but caught myself early. I did go on a walk around 9:45 p.m. with Dave but did not have my bugg on. It was such a nice night! It was a short walk and we sat at the Sr. Center and talked for a little while afterwards.

So I thought I would answer some questions that Jack posed in his recent post on Wednesday. I think everyone should take some time to answer these questions. Some bloggers have already done so. Here are my answers:

Why do you suppose you let your life be less than you imagined it to be? I didn’t think I was worthy of joy and happiness. After years of feeling that way, I think it just got worse and worse until I decided I had to do something to make it happen or my life was just going to slip right on by.

Why do you stumble so often despite all your good intentions? It is hard to undo a lifetime of bad behaviors. I think I succeed more then I stumble this time around but I also don’t think that I will ever stop stumbling. This is for the rest of my life and it is just not realistic to think I won’t stumble along the way.

Why do you sabotage yourself? Because I am good at it! Really though, I think I do it because if I am already feeling bad then why not make it worse by doing more self-sabotaging damage. This affects my life in other areas as well but that is a post for another day and time.

Why are you here anyway? It started with wanting to journal my progress. I had never even read a blog before I started my own. My friend mentioned that I should start a blog so I did. I hope that by sharing my experiences and ups and downs that it might save someone some time and effort. It helps me put things into perspective and I also call it my journal with feedback.

If you’re making it, if you’re succeeding on this weight-loss journey, tell me why this time is different than all the others. Because I am doing it for me now. Not because of my boyfriend or my family and friends. I am doing it for my health and well-being. Now I fully understand the statement "You have to do it when YOU are ready" Also, if I do slip up, I get right back up and start going again vs. in the past where I slipped I would just say phooey and throw in the towel.

Why are you going to make it this time when you’ve fallen short before?
To me, I have no choice but to succeed. I waited 42 years to do something about it and now there aren’t any other options for me to consider. Do or DIE! Literally! Scary but true.

Why are you going to keep it off this time when you’ve gained it back before?
Before, I was on a diet with a beginning and an end. Now, I have changed behaviors so the likelihood of it coming back is reduced substantially. I have never lost this much in my previous efforts because of this. I only addressed part of the problem before and now I am addressing all the issues that brought me here in the first place.

Why are you a different person now than you were before?
Aside from addressing the external issues relating to my weight, I have done some “internal” work as well and have learned to love myself. I have self-worth now and have a much better outlook on my future. I have more energy and truly want to be a part of life.

Thanks Jack for posting that and making us think and laugh :-D

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Nothing too exciting planned for the weekend. Hopefully I will be able to see my friends Deb and Larry. I miss them terribly! HG will most likely be leaving after this weekend is over. I haven't mentioned him much lately because things mellowed out after all the outbursts but it's time for him to go. We have done all we can. What was supposed to be a couple of weeks turned into almost 5 months! It is just so frustrating and sad for me to watch. He is a smart person but he just hasn't made an effort to do anything to better his situation and we can't enable him anymore. He has been really helpful around the apt. and to be quite honest, I have not washed dishes, vacuumed, cleaned the bathrooms or did the floors since he has been there because he and Dave have been doing it. A gal could get used to that - LOL - but back to reality. At least housework is good exercise! But seriously, it is not going to be easy for me to see him go. In fact, we already talked about it and he is going to slip out while I am at work so it won't be so upsetting and its not really a goodbye because we will still see him around but I am just not good at parting ways with people. Like my mom says " You could cry at a Basketball game" Hope you all have a wonderful weekend whatever it is you do. Until next time...