Thursday, January 11, 2018

This Too Shall Pass

How is everyone doing? Hope you all survived the holidays. I am hanging in there... barely... but hanging in there. My weight is basically the same (gained 5 lbs. during the holidays) just trying to maintain at this point while I get my **it together.

I have been pretty consistent with my head meds as I call them but have not been doing my insulin which I'm sure is affecting my mental state, energy levels etc. I have more issues with glucose testing then I do with the actual insulin shot. I am definitely my own roadblock for sure. I don't know why I am so resistant. Is it denial??

I was driving for Lyft for a little bit. I prefer driving during the day but there is more money to be made at night. I did do Uber too but felt that Lyft was more supportive and I heard a few bad stories so I did not renew with them.  Part of me wants to get back to working full time but then part of me thinks I can't commit. A conundrum for sure.

Just wanted you all to know I did not fall off the face of the earth...

Until next time...

Friday, September 8, 2017

Feeling Hopeless

Well I didn't intend for it to be a whole month since my last post. Weight is holding steady which is a good thing. This is a bit of a downer post...

I am struggling emotionally. I have mentioned it before but it hasn't gotten much better. I did go see my doctor which I had not seen since last November. My blood sugars and cholesterol were down but not ideal. I had given up on insulin awhile ago and some of my other meds I was not taking consistently.  He prescribed insulin and wants me to test my blood sugars 3 times per day. It's almost easier to what I call "poke the belly" then the glucose testing. It hurts more. They do have new meters that you can use other areas of your body like arms or legs to test which is good. They did put me on another antidepressant which should help but it takes some time for the body to adjust. I am also seeing a psychologist and have an appt. to get treatment through another location on Sept. 18th. It's a two hour appt. which is a long one eh?

It's like I am on a ride and I want to get off but it won't slow down! I am fighting the negative thinking but it is consuming my thoughts. I did actually get a job which only lasted a few months. They said I did not smile (which is a crock of sh**) but apparently my body language and facial expressions said otherwise. It is hard to look for a job and sell yourself when you aren't feeling it. Some days all I can do is get up and try to cope but there are other days I just don't want to deal with anything. THANK GOD for Sophie because if it wasn't for her I would not get out of the house. I try to take her to the dog park daily but it sometimes the only thing that I can accomplish. I can put on a brave face for an hour at the park. 

I actually applied for Disability. I was hoping that it would give me some time to get my head straight and my medical issues under control. Apparently it takes 4-6 months so things could change drastically in that time frame. I can't wait that long financially so I am just going to have to do my best to get a job in the meantime. Lord knows it could take me that long to get a job. I was trying to drive for Lyft and Uber but even that takes energy and emotions that I just don't have in me right now. Hopefully with the doc appts and counseling things will start turning around. Can't give up hope right? There is no other options. Not that I haven't thought of ALL them...

Hope you all are doing okay. Here's to having better news to report next time...

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

I've Lost 100 lbs!!!

It is official! I have lost 100 lbs!!! I never thought I'd see the day! I started my blog in 2009 weighing 315 lbs. and I am down to 215. I can actually see being under 200 lbs. now! I am shocked and so happy about it! Onderland here I come. I have not been this low since my 20s. Once I was over 200 lbs. I kinda lost hope and faith in myself and the rest is history...

I don't know how much I have talked about depression here on my blog. I have suffered from depression for years and have tried various medications to help me and it seems to go up and down. After taking meds for awhile, they seem to lose their effectiveness and then I switch to another one in hopes that it will help. I have also done talk therapy which helps but it always seems like an uphill battle.  Since discovering details about my bio family It is really no surprise that I suffer from depression. Both bio parents had addiction and depression issues.I am also on a job hunt which is depressing too. It's hard to sell yourself when you don't really feel you're worthy or capable. I try to catch myself when I start with the negative thoughts but it ain't easy. Sometimes it takes all that I have to get out of bed and get dressed and showered. I know this is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life so I will just keep pushing forward but it is just tough sometimes. What other option do I have???

Hope all is well with my readers if there are any left!?!?

Until next time...

Friday, August 4, 2017

Basal Skin Cell Carcinoma

Two days in a row! LOL! I need to be accountable so here I am again.

I wanted to share my experience of having basal skin-cell carcinoma. A number of years ago, I noticed a bump on my nose but didn't think too much about it. I went to an esthetician that I was seeing for laser hair removal and she said she could remove it and that it was a wart. I let her do it thinking it would be taken care of.  It never really healed and I actually asked my PCP about it and he said "We will keep an eye on it." I have a habit of picking and he said "Leave it alone..."

So fast forward, I go to have surgery on my umbilical hernia and he asked me the story about my nose. I explained it to him and he said "Katie, it's skin cancer and you need to have it checked out." So I get the surgery done and he again said "Now make sure you get it checked." So I did and sure enough he was right.

There is a procedure called MOHS where they take a portion of the lesion off and test the margins to make sure they get it all. Everyone that I talked to said it was basically a mild procedure and should not be too worried about it... welllll.... they were WRONG! I had 60+ shots of Lidocaine in my face and 7 different sessions of excision and 45 stiches! At one point, they even went all the way through my nose as you can see...

 Here are some of the pics:

It was 1/11/17 that I had the MOHS surgery. Ironically, the hernia surgery was 11/1/16. It still feels a little weird but I think he did a really good job considering.

It's been about 7 months now and they said it could take a minimum of 6 months to heal.

I did share it on FB and was glad I did because two different people that saw the picture went and got checked and found they had it too. It was a tad shocking to people but if it saved someone from going through what I did it was worth it. SO if you have any questionable spots I strongly encourage you to get it checked out.

Until next time...

Thursday, August 3, 2017

220 and Bummer

Well I can't believe its been 9 months since I posted. I went to post and my customized page was all wacky. Total bummer. I added a Blogger theme but I really don't like it. I will try to find another one but it makes me mad. Especially because I had paid for it.

I did get the skin cancer taken care of. I will write a separate post about that. It was WAY more then I anticipated but I am certainly glad I got it taken care of. I ended up with 45 stitches in my face! Blahhhhh!!!!

I am hovering at 220 which means I have lost 95 lbs. since I started this blog in 2009. I can taste the 100# loss!  Since I have moved to AZ I have lost like 30 lbs! It will be 3 years in December that I have been here. What a wild ride. I moved here for a variety of reasons but one was that I had a friend here and a few months after I arrived she left her husband and moved out of state without telling me! It was a huge blow and kinda left me in the lurch. I have made some new friends but what I punch in the gut.  I've pretty much made peace with it but it still sucks.

My depression has been pretty debilitating. I did finally find some work but they are now only scheduling me for 8-10 hours per week. I certainly can't live on that kind of wage but I will not quit either. I have an interview on Monday for a full-time job. It's been 13 years since I interviewed so I am really nervous but I have to buck up and just deal.

Hope all is well with you if you are reading this. I do plan to try to blog more because it does hold me accountable. I feel like if I put it in writing it helps.

Until next time...

Friday, November 11, 2016

Lord Have Mercy!

What a whirlwind in the last 10 days! I did have the surgery done on my umbilical hernia. The surgery went well and it is healing fine. Before they sedated me the surgeon poked his head in and asked me about a spot on my nose. It has been there for awhile and I told him the story and he said it is basal skin-cell carcinoma or skin cancer. Yikes! When he checked on me in recovery he mentioned it again so I made an appt. with my primary care doctor and have been referred to a Dermatologist who specializes in treating it.The procedure is called MOHS surgery. Basically, they cut the skin microscopically and then test the cells right on the spot so they know how much they have to cut with the least disruption. Kinda scary! There is a 98% success rate so that's great odds.

Last Sunday I ended up with acute colitis and my friend Linda took me to the ER. I had not eaten and had the belly wound and I was so sick - bleccchhhh! I am finally feeling better now and my silver lining, albeit it being a hard way to get there is I am down to 235. It's been at least 15 years since I have seen the 230s.It has taken 7 years total to lose 80 lbs. I plateaued for years but never slipped too far thankfully.

Then there was the election... I have no words but I did drag my booty to the poll though!

Still need to look for work but needless to say I have been a little under the weather.

Until next time...

Katie J

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Dia de los Muertos

I mentioned a few times that I have an umbilical hernia. I've actually had it for a long time... I'm thinking like 7 years at least and I finally went and saw a surgeon about it yesterday. Ironically, since the recent kidney stone incident, there were films of the hernia which actually saved me time. He says it is prudent for me to get it taken care of. So, I am having surgery on November 1st. It is Dios de los Muertos or Day of the Dead. It is a day to remember lost friends and family members. I thought it was a fitting day to get it done.

Weight is steady. I have been trying to get more walking in and I think its working. I am down to 241. I can taste the 230s! 

Need to update my resume. It's been 13 years since I've done one and that was the last time I was on an interview too. That's a long time... Still don't know what I want to do for work...

Side-note: I read A Girl on the Train. It's such a good book. 50,000 people reviewed it and now it's a movie which I heard is good too. Just sayin...

Until next time...