Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Suspended

As I mentioned I was working a part time job at a local Preschool. Well as of Friday I was suspended due to not being able to get fingerprint clearance based on something that happened in August of 1985 but the record is false. I worked there for 7 months and 1 day but until I get this rectified I am suspended. This occurred when I was 19 and that was 33 years ago. Also CA (and PA) manage their own records so it is s different process. I have to request records to see what shows up and and it is 3-7 days. Once I get it cleared, I will have to get AZ to release me for clearance. Bureaucratic Bullsh%$ at it's finest. Apparently AZ goes back 99 years. SMDH!!!!!!!! While I am not working, I am also looking for a new job. Ughhhhh!!!!!!

Weight is holding steady... Nothing new to report really. Saggy skin does suck though. I have had some issues. In my dream world I would get skin surgery but I don't see that happening. I am getting a little better at body acceptance but it's hard to retrain the brain if you know what I mean.

My mother has been gone since July 18, 2013. When we packed her house there were things we did not want to delve into at the time so we got a P.O.D. We prepaid a year and then time marched on. and meanwhile I have moved to AZ but it was still in CA. We eventually got it out and had it shipped Meanwhile we spent thousands of dollars to have this stuff stored. Well it is still in my garage and I have only gone through one of the boxes. I know I would feel so much better if it was dealt with but there it sits suspended...

Until next time...

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Fall into Fall


Greetings my friends. Hope all is well with you! Things are pretty much the same since my last post. My weight is the same which is a good thing. I've had some NSVs that were good and bad. Since my weight loss and since it had been awhile since I worked, I hadn't been wearing work clothes. Well there was a whole bunch that were just too big. It's a good thing but it was surprising there was so many. I can be pretty casual at work so I have enough to wear in the meantime.

I do like my job but it is physically and mentally taxing. I know that I am making a difference but the wages here are so low! I am getting half of what I made in Cali.  I have been there 6 months but I have thought of looking for something different with more money and benefits. I work about 32 hours a week and do not get benefits. I would be willing to work there full time but apparently that is not an option. Most of the staff are young so it is not as important for them.

I haven't done anything with the dating site. I have kind of put it on the back burner.  I need to get out and about more too. I just stay here in my little bubble and haven't done too much exploring.  AZ has some pretty spectacular places to see!

Well I am glad I posted sooner rather then later LOL! Until next time...

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Helllooooooooooooo!


Hellooooooooooooooooo! I can't believe it has been 6 months since I wrote on here! The good news is that things have definitely improved since the last time I posted.

Weight is at 211 which is a total loss of 104 lbs. I can taste Onderland! I think I was in my 20s the last time I was under 200 which is 30 years ago (Where did the time go???) I still have a goal of 165 but it is like watching paint dry. Between my age and menopause it takes forever. The good news is I have been able to maintain the loss.

I have been working at a local preschool since March. It is physically and mentally demanding but I love the kiddos. I work about 6 hours a day but it feels like 8+ While I do love it, I only get paid half of what I used to in California. It is painful to say the least. I also don't get health insurance so I have to take that into consideration. I'm glad to be working though.

Medically, I am doing okay but have to go in for a few things which I have been procrastinating like a mammogram, Pap smear and colonoscopy. I need to just be a grown up and get them done. The joys of getting older eh?

I signed up for a dating website but haven't really done anything about it. I used Our Time which is for people 50 yrs and older. It is a membership deal so I have to pay to see details but I haven't got that far yet. It's like $30 a month. I don't want to use Tinder or any of  "those" types of sites. I want to meet someone but not just to get laid if you know what I mean... I'll keep you posted...

That's about it for now... hopefully I will be back sooner then 6 months! If I ever decide to ditch this blog I will definitely let you guys know. Hopefully I still have some readers. I do miss blogging but I don't have WiFi at home right now so that is part of the reason why I haven't posted.

Until next time...



Thursday, January 11, 2018

This Too Shall Pass


How is everyone doing? Hope you all survived the holidays. I am hanging in there... barely... but hanging in there. My weight is basically the same (gained 5 lbs. during the holidays) just trying to maintain at this point while I get my **it together.

I have been pretty consistent with my head meds as I call them but have not been doing my insulin which I'm sure is affecting my mental state, energy levels etc. I have more issues with glucose testing then I do with the actual insulin shot. I am definitely my own roadblock for sure. I don't know why I am so resistant. Is it denial??

I was driving for Lyft for a little bit. I prefer driving during the day but there is more money to be made at night. I did do Uber too but felt that Lyft was more supportive and I heard a few bad stories so I did not renew with them.  Part of me wants to get back to working full time but then part of me thinks I can't commit. A conundrum for sure.

Just wanted you all to know I did not fall off the face of the earth...

Until next time...


Friday, September 8, 2017

Feeling Hopeless

Well I didn't intend for it to be a whole month since my last post. Weight is holding steady which is a good thing. This is a bit of a downer post...

I am struggling emotionally. I have mentioned it before but it hasn't gotten much better. I did go see my doctor which I had not seen since last November. My blood sugars and cholesterol were down but not ideal. I had given up on insulin awhile ago and some of my other meds I was not taking consistently.  He prescribed insulin and wants me to test my blood sugars 3 times per day. It's almost easier to what I call "poke the belly" then the glucose testing. It hurts more. They do have new meters that you can use other areas of your body like arms or legs to test which is good. They did put me on another antidepressant which should help but it takes some time for the body to adjust. I am also seeing a psychologist and have an appt. to get treatment through another location on Sept. 18th. It's a two hour appt. which is a long one eh?

It's like I am on a ride and I want to get off but it won't slow down! I am fighting the negative thinking but it is consuming my thoughts. I did actually get a job which only lasted a few months. They said I did not smile (which is a crock of sh**) but apparently my body language and facial expressions said otherwise. It is hard to look for a job and sell yourself when you aren't feeling it. Some days all I can do is get up and try to cope but there are other days I just don't want to deal with anything. THANK GOD for Sophie because if it wasn't for her I would not get out of the house. I try to take her to the dog park daily but it sometimes the only thing that I can accomplish. I can put on a brave face for an hour at the park. 

I actually applied for Disability. I was hoping that it would give me some time to get my head straight and my medical issues under control. Apparently it takes 4-6 months so things could change drastically in that time frame. I can't wait that long financially so I am just going to have to do my best to get a job in the meantime. Lord knows it could take me that long to get a job. I was trying to drive for Lyft and Uber but even that takes energy and emotions that I just don't have in me right now. Hopefully with the doc appts and counseling things will start turning around. Can't give up hope right? There is no other options. Not that I haven't thought of ALL them...

Hope you all are doing okay. Here's to having better news to report next time...

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

I've Lost 100 lbs!!!

It is official! I have lost 100 lbs!!! I never thought I'd see the day! I started my blog in 2009 weighing 315 lbs. and I am down to 215. I can actually see being under 200 lbs. now! I am shocked and so happy about it! Onderland here I come. I have not been this low since my 20s. Once I was over 200 lbs. I kinda lost hope and faith in myself and the rest is history...

I don't know how much I have talked about depression here on my blog. I have suffered from depression for years and have tried various medications to help me and it seems to go up and down. After taking meds for awhile, they seem to lose their effectiveness and then I switch to another one in hopes that it will help. I have also done talk therapy which helps but it always seems like an uphill battle.  Since discovering details about my bio family It is really no surprise that I suffer from depression. Both bio parents had addiction and depression issues.I am also on a job hunt which is depressing too. It's hard to sell yourself when you don't really feel you're worthy or capable. I try to catch myself when I start with the negative thoughts but it ain't easy. Sometimes it takes all that I have to get out of bed and get dressed and showered. I know this is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life so I will just keep pushing forward but it is just tough sometimes. What other option do I have???

Hope all is well with my readers if there are any left!?!?

Until next time...


Friday, August 4, 2017

Basal Skin Cell Carcinoma

Two days in a row! LOL! I need to be accountable so here I am again.

I wanted to share my experience of having basal skin-cell carcinoma. A number of years ago, I noticed a bump on my nose but didn't think too much about it. I went to an esthetician that I was seeing for laser hair removal and she said she could remove it and that it was a wart. I let her do it thinking it would be taken care of.  It never really healed and I actually asked my PCP about it and he said "We will keep an eye on it." I have a habit of picking and he said "Leave it alone..."

So fast forward, I go to have surgery on my umbilical hernia and he asked me the story about my nose. I explained it to him and he said "Katie, it's skin cancer and you need to have it checked out." So I get the surgery done and he again said "Now make sure you get it checked." So I did and sure enough he was right.

There is a procedure called MOHS where they take a portion of the lesion off and test the margins to make sure they get it all. Everyone that I talked to said it was basically a mild procedure and should not be too worried about it... welllll.... they were WRONG! I had 60+ shots of Lidocaine in my face and 7 different sessions of excision and 45 stiches! At one point, they even went all the way through my nose as you can see...

 Here are some of the pics:



It was 1/11/17 that I had the MOHS surgery. Ironically, the hernia surgery was 11/1/16. It still feels a little weird but I think he did a really good job considering.

It's been about 7 months now and they said it could take a minimum of 6 months to heal.

I did share it on FB and was glad I did because two different people that saw the picture went and got checked and found they had it too. It was a tad shocking to people but if it saved someone from going through what I did it was worth it. SO if you have any questionable spots I strongly encourage you to get it checked out.

Until next time...