I really don't know where to begin but... Picked my brother up at the airport on Wednesday night. I was stressed and tired and decided it would be easier to go alone. I also opted out of having dinner with them that night. Then on Thanksgiving, I did not want to have dinner with them and sent a text at the last minute. I ended up having a full dinner at the bar. Friday, they were going to the movies to see The Blind Side and I did not go with them. Then Saturday was the memorial service for my friend and the wedding for my brother. I drank a lot and felt pretty green Sunday. My brother was taking off Sunday morning so I took him to the airport and dropped him off. I hung out most of the day and had pizza for dinner Sunday night. I don't know what it was on the pizza but I have felt sick for 2 days. Today, I am back at work but I am still woozy and I have a headache.
I am emotionally and physically beat up right now. I have some decisions to make regarding my future and I don't know if I have the capacity to do that right now. Some of it has to to with Dave. He will be getting out of his program on December 23rd and will be coming to stay at my apt. I have really enjoyed my freedom and need to know that BIG changes will happen or otherwise it won't work... I will see him for the first time in a month this Friday so we can talk some then. He sounds like he has changed but it is hard to trust after some of the heartache he has put me through before. I will elaborate more on this in another post but one of the biggest roadblocks is our age difference. I am 43 and he is 58. I still have lots of ambition and drive in me. I am not ready to settle down and sit on my haunches watching the rest of my life go by... UGH!!!
The good news is that the scale did not move. I am still at 257. I think this definitely is the first Thanksgiving I did not gain at least 5 lbs.
Hi Katie,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're back- I've missed you. Sounds like you've been through an emotional wringer this weekend. But you're back in your safe place and will be recalibrating back to your best self any day, I'm sure! Maybe you have a bug on top of the funky pizza.
I don't know the nature of your issues with Dave, but can probably look back through your posts to find out. Whatever - it sounds like you have your head in a very good place regarding not letting anything, or anyone, get in the way of your peace and freedom.
Finally, congratulations on not gaining over TG - I had a substantial gain/relapse, but it jolted me to change up things that I have to get a grip on. Hope you feel better fast.
OK Katie, now make it move downwards. You know what it takes , I am praying for your success, come on 249...
ReplyDeleteKatie you know I've been in the wringer myself lately so I understand how you feel. The only advice I can give you is to make your decisions - whether about food or about relationships - deliberately. Making a deliberate decision takes careful consideration. You won't regret it.
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my thoughts! Sounds like its a rough time. You can get through it, and do it in style. Remember, that a walk and a clear head are amazing when you dont know what else to do. :)
ReplyDeleteYou only get one chance at life. I hope you make choices that will provide you with the happiest most fulfilling life that you can possibly have.
ReplyDeleteSorry things are chaotic for you right now. I'm glad to see that you maintained over Thanksgiving!
ReplyDeleteKatie, it was the weirdest thing - all of a sudden I realized that I hadn't seen a post from you in a while and went looking on my blogroll - glad to see you are back because I was worried...I hate it when bloggers that I like disappear!
ReplyDeleteGood job not gaining - sounds like your long weekend was pretty strained. Hope you figure out what is best for YOU regarding Dave. Hang in there, my friend.
I wondered where you were, I missed you!!
ReplyDeleteLife is about choices....make the right one for yourself...only you know what that would be.
Really missed you-hope you make the best decision for you and don't feel obligated to provide more of yourself to anyone than you can truly give-this is about you now :)
ReplyDeleteWelcome back! I have confidence you will make the right decisions for you.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you posting again!
ReplyDeleteWith regard to Dave, I have no idea of the full story behind all this, but does he *have* to stay at your apartment? If he could stay elsewhere but you still spent time together, perhaps you wouldn't feel so anxious about things and feel you have to make a rapid decision about things?
Glad you came back and sorry about all the family drama and possible future drama. We really have to learn to not allow outside sources to rule our lives (and eating). Coming back is a great step back on this track.
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