Monday, March 19, 2012

Say or Don't Say?

How was your weekend? Did you drink any green beer? I had a decent weekend. Saturday, we had a celebration of life for one of our friends that passed on March 6th. It was good to see so many people there. Seems like sometimes the only time you see certain people are at weddings and funerals. I did not go overboard on food or booze so that was good. I did have a few beers but over the course of a few hours and I walked around quite a bit. It was so crowded that I did spend a lot of time outside. Side note: The poem I posted on Saturday's post was actually printed on his prayer card :-) -- I did not know until after. Here is a pic from Saturday.
Can't Pinch Me!
One of our friends is going to have Gastric bypass surgery on April 4th. I am happy for her but I am also scared for her too. One thing I mentioned to her that after reading blogs of bypass surgery patients and doing lots of research for the last few years was for her to deal with her food addiction to be successful.
She resonded defensively and I regretted saying anything. She said she doesn't eat too much and she does work out 2 hours a day but she is not losing.  I wasn't coming from a judgemental place. I was only saying it as a reality that I too face and need to make peace with.

The other day I was reading a post from Trish and she also has a friend who is in need of losing weight for her health but is in denial. She wondered if she should say anything to this friend for fear of her being angry. Each person will handle it differently I guess but I am THANKFUL I had friends that cared enough about me to say something to me about my weight and the need to lose it or they were fearful I would die. Now I know that sounds dramatic but it was true. Of course I was hurt and embarrassed but I was grateful that they cared enough to say something.

Would you tell a friend that was obese that they needed to lose weight?


  1. No I would not. Being obese myself, I know I am obese. I don't need anyone to tell me and I know that I need to lose weight.

    I had thought about the surgery but it scared me to death. I changed my mind about it. I went through the appointments, etc and decided I could not through with it.

    1. It scared me too and it is such a personal choice. I was only offering what I learned but I guess each person is different.

  2. It depends on how close. I'm constantly on my hubby to lose weight, and I think a few of my close friends I would. My mother-in-law was on my case constantly to lose weight, lol. I used to think she was annoying, now I'm grateful.

    Your friend told you she doesn't eat much and works out 2 hours a day? How overweight is this girl? If she's really doing all that, I would be worried some other medical issue is going on. All gastric bypass does is reduce the amount of food you eat...

  3. The only way I would ever even consider saying something to an obese friend is if THEY were reaching out, talking about either health problems or lifestyle issues (like, "I wish I could run that race" or something similar). It's just too volatile otherwise. And let's face it, we all know when we're overweight. Tricky situation.

    Gastric bypass can be outeaten - I've seen bloggers who've had the surgery regain weight. I hope your friend has long-term success with it.

  4. No way in a million years would I tell someone they were obese or I was worried about their health. I'm fat, and I know it, and I don't need or want anyone else to point it out to me. It would be different if someone came to me and said, I've been thinking about blah blah, what do YOU think. Then it's fine to offer my 2 cents. Other than that, i'd keep my mouth shut.
    My mom had gastric bypass 11 months ago. She's done terrific. But it is a HARD adjustment. And it definitely still is very mental. If you are a food addict, you will always be a food addict (just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic) You have to deal with the WHY sooner or later.

  5. I know Rae Rae J means well, but that's really not terribly accurate. Gastric bypass doesn't only reduce the amount of food you eat. Because you're losing a section of intestine as well and the lower part of the stomach, from the digestive track (although some of those enzymes are redirected back into your digestive track lower down) you're also reducing or eliminating some of the enzymes that trigger hunger, that help with the absorption of food, and process sugars. There's a lot more to gastric bypass than eating less.

    The other thing is that because of those chemical changes, a gastric bypass patient may experience a change in their tastes when it comes to food. THere are things now I used to love, but now make me queasy just imagining eating.

    The other thing is that your friend might sincerely believe that she's not eating a lot. When you have a lifetime of overeating, it's really hard to conceptualize exactly how much we eat, and how much we need to eat. It's tough, and it's a mix of ignorance and self deception that keeps us eating more than we should while being able to swear with conviction that we're not eating "that much".

    As for two hours exercise a day? It depends on the workout, and what she's eating. I think a lot of us have gone through what we thought was heavy exercise and not seeing the scale budge... because (a) we don't know what level of exercise it takes to lose weight and (b) we're probably eating more because we feel more hungry after exercising.

    As for telling your friend she's obese... first off, if she told you she was having gastric bypass, she reached out to YOU. It's not like out of the blue you said "you know what? you're fat, and you need help" If she hadn't wanted to talk about it, she wouldn't have told you in the first place.

    If a friend doesn't raise the topic with you, she's not ready to talk about it... and likely not ready to listen either.

  6. I would never say anything out of the blue, but if my friend brought it up I would definitely have that talk. Obese people know they are obese.

  7. I would!
    I know how stressful it would be, but if it's coming from a place of love and concern, then your friend should not be too upset?

  8. I just had this talk with a client. She has steadily gained weight over the last few months (30 pounds) and 15 of those in the last month. Her eating is out of control, and she's gaining wait at such an alarming rate, that she's headed to super obesity if something's not done soon. As her support person and one of the few people she trusts, I would be doing her a disservice if I just let her continue gaining the way she is. It's definitely awkward being obese myself, who am I to judge? But she needs serious help and I need to put her health and well being first.

    1. By the the pic, you're adorable:)

  9. It's a very touchy subject, but it really depends on the relationship.

  10. I would never tell someone they need to lose weight. As someone that's fought my weight my entire life, I think most people know if they need to lose weight or not. To bring up the subject to them seems rude and hurtful, even if it was meant to be helpful.

    Of course, everyone is different. :)

  11. I don't think I'd ever tell anyone they need to lose weight because I think it's a personal choice and generally weight gain comes from lack of self-worth. Why tell them something negative? It'd be better to tell them I'm worried about their health, ask them to join me for a walk, etc. but I would never talk with them about their weight per se unless they broached the topic.

    Regarding the gastric bypass conversation, although it's a great way to lose, it's not specifically addressing why someone has so much weight to lose. That's the hard part. If they don't address the why, how will they be able to keep it off? I know a lot of surgery places require food and nutritional counseling. But what about the emotional counseling that goes hand in hand with that? I think that's far more important.

    But, that's just my 2-cents and as others have said, everyone probably has their own ideas!


I'd love to know what's on your mind...