How goes it? I am hanging in there. I have been a funky head space for the last week or two. I know it is temporary but it is hard to shake it. I am trying to fake it but even that isn't working.
Some of it has to do with my mom situation. That is normal and expected given the circumstances. A lot of it has to do with my identity and who I am and where I came from. For some of the newer readers, I was adopted and located my biological family in 2010. I had this perception of who I was and where I came from and then I learned more about their (bio parents) lives and lifestyles and how I inherited some of their traits both good and bad. Maybe because I am in my mid-forties too that I am re-evaluating my life but it has left me shaken. Maybe I suppressed all those feelings and now they are coming out. While it is great I have been able to fill in the puzzle pieces of missing information it is painful to learn all the dirty secrets like their drug addictions and mental health. I know they do not define me. I am my own person and that they did have an influence on me through DNA but I have my own identity.
I am flawed as I am only human but I feel like a failure in many ways. I never got married. FAIL. I never had any children. FAIL. I am obese. FAIL. I know rationally that these things don't make me a failure but I can't seem to shake the FAIL feeling. I know I should focus on the positive too. I have accomplished things in my life like my BS and AA degrees. My ceramics/painting. My singing (once upon a time) but instead of focusing on the positives, I keep staring down the negatives. I know this too shall pass. I just thought getting it out of my head by posting it here would help. Until next time...
P.S. Did you enter the giveaway?