Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Dismal and Distracted

Last night I binged. It was on healthier stuff but it was a straight up binge. Let me back track a little… Dave and I had tacos for dinner (yes he is still around) and when he left I was snacking on some almonds. Then there were cashews, cereal and then saltines. Well, when he came back his first comment was “You are still eating?” Then it was “Are you sure you need to have that? Are you doing this because of me?” If I was to dissect it, I would say he is the majority of the reason. I just don’t know how to get him to go elsewhere. I guess I am going to have to pick a fight or something ugly but I have been having a lot of anxiety about it.

Then there is my mom situation. She emailed me last night and was all in a panic because she needed to make a doctors appt. It is a routine follow up appt with her PCP. It is not urgent but she was flustered about making it and worrying about how she will get there and everything. I called her this morning to talk to her about it and she said she was not awake enough to deal with it. It is a red flag to me that something so routine has her flustered. I am really worried and I am very close to reaching out to my brother and asking him for some assistance in this situation. She might be more responsive to him. Hard to say… He will be here on Aug. 17th for another visit with his family AND the dogs for sure this time.

Today, I am going to get my brows threaded. I am going to attempt to go there on my lunch hour and come back. It is up the street from our old office. There aren’t too many places that do threading in the area which is surprising to me since the area I live in is so culturally diverse but Rosy is really good and I will travel to see her regardless of where she is.

I figured out how to get to the gym from my new location. It is two exits away and only 1.25 miles. As I pass it on the freeway, I see a bazillion cars out in front but I will just have to deal. I still am contemplating going there in the morning BEFORE work and getting ready there. It will be major adjustment but I think it is doable. I have been going to bed early and waking up around 5:15 a.m. every day so if I just got my sh*t together, I could do it.

Sorry it is such a dismal post, it just is my reality right now… Until next time…


  1. I don't think this is dismal at all. I think it reflects where you're at right now. Even though I often think about sleeping later or putting it off, I am ALWAYS glad after I do my early morning, pre-work workout. Yes, it's an adjustment but perhaps it would be a really good one for you.

  2. I'm sorry to hear that you are having a bad time. It happens to us all. But, you know what? You blogged about it...that is huge! You are able to acknowledge what is going on and your readers are here to support you! Hang in there!

  3. Yeah, stressful stuff makes us want to run to the food. Just remember it's not about food next time the urge hits. It's about feelings, and all the food is is..a drug. It's no different than an alcoholic hitting the bottle or a junkie their drug. We use it to get the pleasure centers zapping away to calm and soothe us. Which feels great in the midst of it, all those chemicals, then we crash to reality and feel the guilt.

    Plan your stress relievers today. Plan what you'll do when you feel that...that..you know what I mean..that FEELING that pushes us to reach for the starchy or sugary or fatty comfort. Decide today what you'll do INSTEAD...what thing to keep busy or relax or distract. Or..just feel the misery. Sometimes, you just sit and feel it and let your mind go through the possible fixes and let yourself just experience the awfulness and find the solution through that.

    But you can say no to the bingey urge. IT's just fricken hard! New habit = hard as hell.

    I hope you can deal with mom well and really sort it out with Dave, too. And find that next calm, good place. Later..

  4. At least it was healthy food :)
    That looks like such a step in the right direction to me!

  5. I'm curious about what you mean when you say you don't know how to get Dave to go elsewhere. If the relationship is over and the apartment leased in your name then he needs to go. If he chooses not to make that happen for himself, have him removed. If he is legally a tenant in the apartment, then start working now to have you removed from the lease and leave or have him removed. He'll stay as long as you let him, I'm afraid.

    Hang in there with that and with Mom and all the other stresses of life.

  6. Deep breaths. Don't beat yourself up about the binge eating. It happened, accept it, and move on. As for the stress, you can try what I do. Just close your eyes and think about something that makes you feel happy.

    For me, I think of sand between my toes and the soft beat of waves crashing against the shore. I can feel the breeze off the ocean graze my skin as I taste salt on my lips. My body is dripping with the ocean's water and my hair is a mess from the swim. But I feel good. I feel strong. I didn't let the waves carry me away.

    Sorry, the writer in my got out of her cell. But you get the idea. And have faith my dear!

  7. It is what it is. Move on. I was wondering about Dave just this morning. If he was still there or what. You will get rid of him when the time is right. Sometimes it's like pulling off a bandaid. It hurts, but just for a sec. Easy for me to say.....

    Hope today is much better. For sure ask your brother for help. It's easier when you don't have to deal alone.


  8. I don't think you should have to pick a fight to get Dave to leave. He's an adult, you're an adult - hopefully you can just lay it out clearly, and he will act accordingly. Good luck - I know it's a hard thing to have to deal with.

    And I'm glad your brother will be there soon to help with your mom - her getting agitated over something so simple as a doctor's appointment might mean a number of things...have her meds changed recently? Hopefully this can get figured out. Hugs to you - hang in there!

  9. I'm sorry you are down right now Katie. :(

  10. Not dismal. Did you notice for every problem you pointed out, you suggested a solution? You are a winner not a whiner!

  11. Ok, so it was a binge. Move on. Don't dwell. You have enough things causing stress without adding dwelling on a binge. You did it. It's over. Just try to recognize it for what it is next time and run away from it!

    Sending positive vibes and hugs!

  12. Ah honey - yay for threading...love that. I'm sorry about the other crap and how you are feeling but I guess we can't have good days every day right? You're gonna get thru this...I know that...mmkkaayy? xoxo

  13. Hey hon, sorry you had a bad night. It sounds like you do have a lot of stresses going on right now. It doesn't sound like it was the worst binge a person could have had, but nonetheless, I understand that you don't want to binge.

    It sounds like you have some issues that need to be dealt with, in order to move on. **hugs**

  14. Im late and with everyone else. It is a tiny step in a FAB direction and could have been "worse" (not the word I want but...).
    when you feel better
    when you feel able
    try and step back and think about address focus on journal the feelings which you were trying to stuff back back back down.



  15. I am getting my hair cut tonight and my eyebrows threaded! It's amazing what a month between threading does to my brows!

    Sorry about the Dave situation - I was kinda hoping it would be a clean break - everything else was changing, your work, etc. Just don't forget to live YOUR life! :D


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