We had London Broil for dinner last night with potatoes, carrots and celery. Dave likes cooked carrots but I don't so I left them all for him. I steamed them in the rice cooker. For dessert we had Nilla wafers with Strawberries and whipped topping. I did Walk it Out and walked 1.1 miles then watched a little tele and went to bed.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and the last episode of Ruby really brought some things to the forefront of my mind. If you do not follow Ruby’s show, basically, she and a group of friends enrolled in a 6 day course for eating disorders. Part of the workshop had them doing a life map from the time they were small children until now. The instructor, Tennie, also had them draw an image on butcher paper of what they thought they looked like and then had someone actually trace them for comparison.
The life mapping activity was eye opening for the participants. It became apparent to each of them where some of their bad behaviors developed and how they used food for coping. Some had witnessed or incurred abuse and it was pretty heart wrenching to watch. I thought about it a lot after the show and think it is really a good idea (mapping) for everyone to do at some point.
Without going into all the sordid details, I basically figured out where a lot of my bad behaviors stem from and when I started using coping mechanisms like food and alcohol to deal with them. I don’t think that anyone is to blame but ME but there are certainly some people who influenced what I thought and how I have coped throughout my life.
Tennie also brought up codependency which I could totally relate to. There was a lot of discussion about codependency during the class I took for Dave’s program last year. The definition of codependency is: a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or food); broadly : dependence on the needs of or control by another. I am more cognizant now of my codependent behavior then ever. I am trying to break the pattern. A lot of it had to do with Dave and his drinking in the past but I could say the same for him and my overeating before. He was an enabler for me as much as I was for him. He has had to make some life changes and we both are learning new methods of coping like walking/exercising, meditation and lots of prayers. We have made some major progress though. It goes to show you that you can change your behaviors at ANY age. Obviously, I/we should have addressed these issues a long time ago but we did eventually do it and I believe we are better people because of it. Until next time...