Life's Lemons

Google has cleared the warning from my blog and no malware is present so my blog should not give you any warnings. If you want you can subscribe by email you can do so by clicking here.

Life has been CRAZY the last few weeks. I have not been at work since Sept. 9th. My mom's health went down hill all of a sudden and she has been in the hospital twice since then. She is recovering now but she is still rather shaky and has awhile before she will able to build strength and be able to be on her own again if ever. She did have a stroke which I expected and fortunately it did not cause any mobility or speech problems. She also had some kidney issues due to too much medication and not enough sustenance and liquids. She is skin and bones.  It has been scary, stressful, agonizing and heartbreaking. By the same token, it could have been way worse. Somehow, I have been able to muster strength to handle everything though. She is going to have someone prepare meals, do med reminders and exercise and occupational therapy with her daily in home.

While visiting her in the hospital I took a spill on some ice water on the restroom floor and sprained my shoulder, wrist and ankle. I have soft casts on my ankle and wrist and will need them for a few more weeks. The ankle is causing the most pain but I haven't been taking anything for the pain because it makes my brain muddy. My eating has been hit or miss and I am up on the scale but it has not been completely out of control. I can see where I could go into a tailspin quickly but I keep getting on the scale to catch myself from getting too far out of control.

I miss reading all your blogs! I wiped out 1,000s of posts in Google Reader because it was just too much pressure so I am hoping to be able to catch up with you all soon. Hope you have a good weekend. Until next time...

Google and Sh*t

According to Google, there has not been any malware on my blog in the last 90 days but it may take a few WEEKS to update the listing.

Life went haywire but I am too tired to blog about it yet. I am hanging in there though and trying to rest today. I miss everyone and hope to be back soon.

Malware &#$@

I am working on getting my blog back online. According to Google, it was not infected with the malware in the last 90 days. I have already lost like 6 followers so I am trying to work on it as fast as I can. What a bummer! I tell you right now, once it is stable, I am going to back it up. I have poured my blood, sweat and lots of tears into that blog and it breaks my heart to think that it could be lost.

At least it's Friday, right?

On the Edge

Well I am glad there was a deficit but definitely not where I wanted to be. Boy oh boy is this a slippery slope. Once I opened the floodgate to overeating, it is hard to get it shut and locked again! Oy! It happens the most at night so I need to be more balanced during the day with my caloric intake. I need to eat more frequently and not hold out then chow down like there's no tomorrow. Blerghhh... but alas today is a new day. That is what is different with this attempt vs. all my other attempts at weight loss. Instead of wallowing, I try to get back to it the next day.

I checked with my mom's insurance and the Home Instead is not something that is covered. BIG bummer! I am going to call her doctor today and let her know. I may have to have her admitted to the hospital to get her stablized with her meds and food. It would not be the first time but it is heartbreaking nonetheless. She wants to be independent and I want her to too BUT if she can't handle the basics then we have to come up with another plan. I am going to have dinner with her tonight and we'll probably go the the Fish Market. 

I am trying hard to keep my chin up...

Sore and More

Yesterday was a better day then Monday, eating wise but it was also an emotional day. I was really close to not going to the swim class but I got there and I was glad I did it! The teacher was very nice and checked in with me a few times during the class. Yesterday, it was in the mid to upper 80s so she took it easy on us since it was so warm. Next time, she would not be so easy.  I told her that was enough to wear me out! We were moving the entire hour and I can definitely feel it all over today, in a good way though.

Eating was funky again yesterday. I was feeling anxious so I did not eat much during the day and I also did not eat before going to the class. When I got back I was famished. I ate healthy items but all in about an hour and too close to bedtime so I am feeling a little shaky this morning. The good news is the scale moved down so that made me feel a little better. I am leaning towards a Thursday or Friday weigh in but I will let you know and one of these frickin days I will measure myself.

Speaking of measuring, I need to get some new bras. Of all the expenditures I have had to make while losing weight, the bras have been the most costly. Even if I get them on sale they are still at least $25-$30 each. I just had the underwire break in two of them last week. I would like to get some matching sets this time though. I have always wanted to wear matching bras and panties but never have. A new treat for me!! Until next time...

Hit and Miss

Hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was kinda hit and miss. Good overall but it went to hell food wise yesterday. I am totally bloated and belly sick today. The scale is up A LOT and I am trying not to let it get me down. I am just focusing on what's ahead. I know why I did it and should have had more self control but it is done and over with.  Said items have been removed from the residence.

Tonight I am going to Aqua Fitness with my friends, Danielle and Judy.  It is at 6:00 p.m.  This is my first week but they both did it last week. It is every Tuesday for 8 weeks and we can make up the times we miss so that is good news. I am scheduled to see Riley on Monday the 12th. Riley is the personal trainer that I will be seeing to set up a workout regimen.

Since I am no longer in a challenge of any kind, I need to pick a day to weigh in. I used to like Wednesdays or Thursdays so that is what I may do. I will let you know. Until next time...

Imagine - John Lennon

This is for you Deb O - I'm so sorry I never got to say goodbye - I will always think of you when I hear this song. Rest in Peace my dear

PostSecret App Trailer - Everybody Has Secrets

I have been anxiously awaiting this app! If you don't have access to it you can still check out the secrets at Postsecret

Shotgun Down The Avalanche (Shawn Colvin)

I have always enjoyed this song so it was a bonus to hear Alison Krauss accompany her.

Shotgun Down the Avalanche

I'm riding shotgun down the avalanche
Tumbling and falling down the avalanche

So be quiet tonight
the stars shine bright
On this mountain of new fallen snow
But I will raise up my voice into the void
You have left me nowhere to go

I love you so much and it's so bizarre
A mystery that goes on and on and on
This is the best thing and the very most hard
And we don't get along

After countless appeals
we keep spinning our wheels
On this mountain of new fallen snow
So I let go the catch and we are over the edge
You have left me nowhere to go

I'm riding shotgun down the avalanche

Sometimes you make me lose my will to live
And just become a beacon for your soul
But the past is stronger than my will to forgive
Forgive you or myself, I don't know

I'm riding shotgun down the avalanche
Tumbling and falling down the avalanche

So be quiet tonight
be sure to step lightly
On this mountain of new fallen snow
But I will raise up my voice into the void
You have left me nowhere to go

I'm riding shotgun down the avalanche

I'm the Mama

I am not going to talk about WL today…

I took my mom to her appt. yesterday and basically had to throw her under a bus about all her habits as of late and her behavior. To complicate things, they lost her blood work results so she has to go back and have that redone. I was beyond frustrated about it and tried to hold my composure but it got a little heated between me and her doctor. We resolved it and have a plan of action. Her weight was 119 and her blood pressure was 160/90 because she is not taking her meds properly. Ughhhh…

We were in the car after having a bite to eat at Fish Market and she told me “You’re the mama” and “It’s your turn now” which kinda freaked me out. It is a big responsibility and it weighs heavy on my heart but like I have said before, we always manage to pull through these life altering events. It is going to take a while to get her stabilized but I have hope that once she gets back on her meds and is eating properly that she will be better able to handle things.

My brother is coming tonight and my mom asked me if I was going to “bail” out on the weekend since he was here. It was funny to hear her using my lingo. I told her I was not sure if I would be around and she requested that I at least come over and relay the state of affairs to him. I think I can handle that but I could also just put it in writing for him. We will see I guess. Mom also mentioned that they were going to see The Help. I have been holding out on seeing it so her and I could go together but now she is going with him and asked if I could come too. I am so close to blowing a gasket with him, I am not sure if I can handle spending any “extra” time with him.

As far as the weekend goes, I don’t have much planned. Danielle and I are going to go to the Flea Market and walk around. I don’t really need anything but it is always fun to look and get some exercise. Last time we were there we walked 12,000 steps! I want to go to the gym and I do have an appt. on Monday to meet with Riley. I hope you all have a great 3 day weekend. Until next time…

September's Here!

Hmmm interesting numbers. I thought I ate more calories then that but then again, I was feeling anxious so that does affect my hunger.

Thanks ladies for your comments on the training. I just need to get out and walk that is for sure. I just thought Riley might have some pointers since he is a runner. I may try to run a little of it. In fact, I need to check with Bella to see if she still plans on doing the race. Either way, I am going to do it. I am doing it for ME!

The appt. went really well with the Home Instead rep. Her name is Jennifer.  We are thinking that we could start at 5 days per week and then scale back if need be. My mom liked the idea and really liked Jennifer. I ended up hugging her because I was just so pleased to know that there is help out there. I did call my brother and left him a voicemail. He has not responded to my email but like I said, I am not surprised. I wanted him to look at the materials and so forth so we can all be on the same page. He will be here tomorrow night. In fact, I am going to have him do mom's pill drill for her so he can see what that is like. I don't plan on seeing him over the weekend but we will see. It gives me an opportunity to take a little respite from her. Today I am taking her to the doctors so I am leaving work early to do so. We will go for an early dinner at the Fish Market and then I will head home.

I am trying to figure out how to attach my DVD player and Wii to the new TV and I have not had the time to figure it out. I got a great deal at Target the other day on the Gold's Gym Cardio Workout. It was $10.99. I really want to try it but I need to be able to hook it up first so that is my plan tonight. Until next time...