Feeling Hopeless

Well I didn't intend for it to be a whole month since my last post. Weight is holding steady which is a good thing. This is a bit of a downer post...

I am struggling emotionally. I have mentioned it before but it hasn't gotten much better. I did go see my doctor which I had not seen since last November. My blood sugars and cholesterol were down but not ideal. I had given up on insulin awhile ago and some of my other meds I was not taking consistently.  He prescribed insulin and wants me to test my blood sugars 3 times per day. It's almost easier to what I call "poke the belly" then the glucose testing. It hurts more. They do have new meters that you can use other areas of your body like arms or legs to test which is good. They did put me on another antidepressant which should help but it takes some time for the body to adjust. I am also seeing a psychologist and have an appt. to get treatment through another location on Sept. 18th. It's a two hour appt. which is a long one eh?

It's like I am on a ride and I want to get off but it won't slow down! I am fighting the negative thinking but it is consuming my thoughts. I did actually get a job which only lasted a few months. They said I did not smile (which is a crock of sh**) but apparently my body language and facial expressions said otherwise. It is hard to look for a job and sell yourself when you aren't feeling it. Some days all I can do is get up and try to cope but there are other days I just don't want to deal with anything. THANK GOD for Sophie because if it wasn't for her I would not get out of the house. I try to take her to the dog park daily but it sometimes the only thing that I can accomplish. I can put on a brave face for an hour at the park. 

I actually applied for Disability. I was hoping that it would give me some time to get my head straight and my medical issues under control. Apparently it takes 4-6 months so things could change drastically in that time frame. I can't wait that long financially so I am just going to have to do my best to get a job in the meantime. Lord knows it could take me that long to get a job. I was trying to drive for Lyft and Uber but even that takes energy and emotions that I just don't have in me right now. Hopefully with the doc appts and counseling things will start turning around. Can't give up hope right? There is no other options. Not that I haven't thought of ALL them...

Hope you all are doing okay. Here's to having better news to report next time...