Friday, December 19, 2014

What a trip!

Well Hellooooo! How are you all doing? I am hanging in there. I have been in AZ now for 12 days. What a wild ride it was to get down here!

First of all, before I even left town I got in a fender bender. It has been determined it was my fault. Grrr...

It doesn't even have 4,000 miles on it yet. To add insult to injury, my windshield got cracked during the drive down. I will be taking it in next week. I was supposed to do it this week but got overwhelmed with it all so I rescheduled.

It takes approx. 12 hours to drive from Northern California to here. My brother flew out from CO to help me move. Thank GOD! He's moved a number of times so he knew what to do.

Prior to the trip I took Bogart to the Vet and got his shots but also got him some sleepy meds for the road trip. I got a large kennel and put it right behind me. It was SO stressful! I was worried and he was loaded as all get out. We spent the night in LA somewhere and I had to get him in the motel room and make sure he ate and did his business. I couldn't open the door for fear he would run out.  He managed okay with the occasional moan but again he was loaded so it was easier on him.

He's doing okay now. He is still adjusting to all the room. I made my office his room too so he has been hanging out in there. This picture was in my walk in closet in the bedroom. I know he likes it in there too but I am not going to let him make a habit of that.

Until next time...

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Bit the Binuch

I forgot how helpful it is to blog/journal!!! Something about putting your thoughts into words makes it tangible and easier to deal with.  The bonus with blogging is getting feedback.  Thank you Karla for reaching out! You too ES. You both really helped me to put things into perspective.

So, yesterday I was packing boxes and all of a sudden there wasn't a picture on the TV. Just sound.  I feared it was the TV but I was still hopeful. The TV is only a few years old and its a Samsung which I have had good luck with. Well, after almost 40 minutes trouble shooting with DIRECTV, it was the TV. I was bummed. I made due by watching Storage Wars on my Laptop. I was half tempted to go shopping for a new one but of all days, I wasn't in the mood for crowds and chaos.

This morning I got up and went to Target at 8:00 a.m. I like shopping at that time of the day. No one is really there and the shelves are freshly stocked.   The first store did not have what I wanted nor did they have my second choice. I decided to go to the next closest store and they did not have it either. Grrrrrr... To make a long story shorter, the sales associate took pity on me and sold me a 49" Philips HD for $400! It retails for $579. That absolutely made my day! Woot Woot!

Instead of focusing on the sad part of this move and the negative stuff, I opted to put the energy into doing productive things. Not only did I bring in, assemble and program the TV, I also put a kennel together that I bought for Bogey for the road. It took some patience let me tell you! I am proud of myself! Only 5 more days and I am on my way HOME!


P.S. Bit the binuch = no longer works

Friday, November 28, 2014

Speed Bumps

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. Honestly, it was awful. That will be the last time I don't make solid plans to be somewhere with someone. I stayed home 3/4 of the day and then finally went to Denny's and had breakfast for dinner. Alone.  It wasn't the worst thing but it was right up there in the top 3. 

It has been my experience that I need to have something planned for the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. It just works better for me emotionally. I respectfully honor my loved ones and then distract myself with something enjoyable like a movie or shopping or the beach; weather permitting.

As if it wasn't hard enough to deal with being basically alone on the holiday, looking at all these boxes and feeling chaotic is adding fuel to the fire.

Another thing I have learned is you really find out who your friends are when it comes to major life events like death(s) or moving. I have been a support to my friends when they needed it and now here I am a week away from moving out of state and no one is around.  Maybe it is me and my codependence or maybe it is just me learning to be more self-reliant but it has not been easy. The end result will be all worth it but geez Louise it has been a rough ride lately.

The good news is I am strong, I can do hard things and I will survive this. I need to remember that when I start feeling down. I have been blessed with many things in my life and I will not let this get me down. Yes it hurts but wallowing and complaining is a waste of time.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Bye Bye Fuzzies

What's with all these boxes momma?
Today was the day that I relinquished Otto and Cindy. I know in my rational mind that they are going to be fine and that I made the right decision but it didn't make it any easier to watch them go... They went to someone I know although D did the arrangements. I set them up with all their toys, new cat boxes, new carriers, food bowls and their blankets etc.

 I have never really owned my own pet(s). We had dogs when I was growing up and when I was a teen and a nanny, I had a cat (Tripper) that stayed with the family.

So now its just Bogart and I. Honestly, I think he will be just fine without them. He may miss them for a minute but now he gets ALL of my attention and doesn't have to share anything lol... Plus Otto was an attention hog and used to bulldoze Bogey when I was giving him kitty love.

Everything is topsy-turvy right now with all the boxes and packing supplies. We are two weeks away from move day. Scary, exciting, happy and sad all at the same time.

Until next time...

Monday, November 17, 2014

Clutter and Chaos!

Well it is now official. I am a homeowner! Phew! It is so exciting! Woot Woot!

With that excitement comes the preparation for getting to my new home. My brother Bob offered to help me move and his schedule was for me to move December 5th. That is basically 3 weeks from now. Yikes!!! Not a whole bunch of time. Its as good a time as any and probably better to just rip the Band-Aid off.  I started packing today and have some people who have offered to help but you know how that goes... at least in my experience. People say they will help but its just lip service.

One major decision I made is to only take Bogart with me. I have had Otto and Cindy for almost two years now and when I made the final decision to buy the house, I decided that I wasn't going to be able to manage all three of them.  I never intended to be their forever home. I love them with all my heart but having 3 animals and the upkeep that comes with it has just worn on me. At one point, I thought it was possible but after a lot of thought and contemplation I made the decision. They technically do belong to D but she cant take them so it has been an issue. I just hope and pray that it all works out but I am also going to stand behind my decision. I have purchased carriers, cat boxes and food so that whoever takes them will be fully set up. 

My health has been sketchy. I got lax about poking the belly. Its been weeks since I had done it but I got back on it today. The good news is I got a new mask for my CPAP machine and it no longer leaves indents on my cheeks. Can I get an Amen!?!  I need to stay healthy during the move! Its going to be stressful enough without feeling badly.

Until next time....

Friday, October 31, 2014



This is Bogart peeking out from behind a pumpkin plant yesterday. I planted it about a month ago. It went gangbusters in a really short period!

This last month has been life altering my friends. I have decided to move to AZ from CA. I have never moved out of basically a 15 mile radius from where I grew up. It's a BIG move but I really think that it is time for me to make a change. Now that my folks are gone I'm in a position of being able to move wherever I want to and and the thought of it is super exciting! The cost of living here in Arizona is way cheaper than California let me tell you. There is no way that I could afford to buy anything in California but it's an option here in Arizona. Plus I have a friend that I grew up with that lives here. We have been friends since we were seven years old. Over the summer I have been here to visit four times and I'm here now getting ready to do a final inspection on a house. Who would've ever thought??? In my mind it's a win-win all the way around. 

It's going to be very hard to say goodbye to my friends in California but this opportunity is too good to pass up. 

My weight is the same.... I have been doing a little strength training but that's about it...

Until next time...

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Out of the Clouds...

You know you have not been blogging or reading blogs when someone had a baby and you didn't know. I have been so caught up in my own crap that I have barely poked my head out.

There are so many thoughts spinning around my head. First off, I am hovering at 248. At least I am out of the 250s but I need to get off my ass. Plain and simple. Even if they're half steps there still in the right direction. No sugar coating it.

I actually wrote an old fashioned list of blog topics. The way my mind has been working, I need to write everything down to retain it these days.

One thing I have always wanted to do is learn a language. I have heard that Rosetta Stone is a good way but it very expensive. Well, I got Spanish Levels 1-3 at 65% off retail and I have finally started doing it. So far, I have only completed one lesson but I got an 86% so not too shabby. 

Still trying to figure out how to read blogs again. I am going to give Bloglovin a try. I used Feedly on my phone and it was just okay.

Until next time...

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Uncharted Territory

For the past 3ish years, I have maintained my 65 lb. weight loss. I've been bouncing between 250-255 all this time. Given what I've been through during that time, I am thankful for that. Anxiety makes me not want to eat. That is not good for me but it is what happens.

I have been in AZ visiting my friend Kari. We've known each other since 1st grade. She lived across the street. I happened to step on her scale and I'm actually 246 which is fantastic to me. 

Here we are at the swim up bar. The bar stools are actually in the pool. Super fun but boy oh boy it was a lot of sun and drinking.

Spending time with Kari has reminded me that I am capable of accomplishing goals and that I am a good person. I guess I was so entrenched in my negative mindset that it was nice to hear objective feedback from someone who has known me for 40 years...

I'm flying home today and do plan on coming back in a month or so. This is actually the third visit since May. We went and looked at houses yesterday. Housing is way cheaper here then in Cali. I can actually afford something here as my mortgage payment would be equivalent to my rent at home ($1,325) which just blows my mind! Yes it's hot here but dry heat to me is more tolerable then humidity.

Hope you all are doing well. I need to figure out a new way to read my fave blogs. Any suggestions?

Until next time...

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Tattoo You

I got my first tattoo when I was 19 years old.  It was a heart with a lightining bolt on my right ankle. It was 1985 so it was definitely before they were mainstream.  I hid it from my parents with a bandaid for a few years. My Dad said "You got a tattoo? You're a weirdo!" I thought he told my mom but he didn't and she was not a happy camper either. My brother said "Biker chick" 

I do have a sun on my upper thigh as well.  I was playing it conservitive. I wanted the option to be able to hide them if neccessary.  When I was working full time it was imperative that I maintain a professional appearance.

Well... now I have a total of 6 of them. Four of them I have had done in the past 6 weeks. It is true, they are addicting!  The first one is a ladybug which is on the back of my neck. I told him what I wanted and he mapped it out for me.  If my hair is down, my hair covers it

The next one I planned out was a hummingbird.  The meaning behind it actually deserves it's own post but this one is on my right shoulder.  Nani 'Oe means You are beautiful" in Hawaiian. 

As I was getting the hummingbird done (took 2.5 hours) I saw a drawing of Little Cat on the wall. The artist had drawn it and I just adored it so I ended up getting him on my left shoulder. I love that he is farting too. My mom used to call me fart blossom so it was appropriate.

The last one I got was the peace sign daisy. As you can see it is below the ladybug.  I'm a hippie chick (actually a product of hippies) and I love pink.

I am still healing the last three. Especially the cat because he has some thicker lines like on his collar. It is a little hard to reach them so I have been asking my neighbor or friends to help moisturize them. I am not going to sugar coat it but they do hurt.  It's hard to explain but instead of stressing on the pain, it was better to relax and enjoy the proccess.  It seems backwards but it does work.

I can still cover them up for the most part if need be but I also have enjoyed the process of getting them.  I have had both good and bad reactions to them but I am proud to have them and feel a sense of freedom being able to do what makes me happy.

Until next time...

Saturday, July 26, 2014


Oh my its been since May since I posted?!? Yikes!

Well I am going to commit to being here blogging more and I need to get off my arse and get moving again. The bad news is I have not lost any more weight in the last year (or two) but then by the same token it is a good thing. As I have said in previous posts, this has been a humdinger of a year and the fact that I didn't drown myself in food is a good thing. I am 250 as of today.

So back to basics, back to using the Fitbit and logging foods. It is what worked for me before and I'm hoping it works again. Posting here provided me with accountability and it is truly cathartic to get my thoughts out of my head.

Hope you are all doing well! Until next time...

Friday, May 30, 2014

On the Horizon

Now that things have changed so much I have been trying to find my way. Everything I knew is now different. Good ways and bad.

It has hit me hard that my parents are gone and I am healing from the grief of that reality but it takes time. I can still go to counseling through Hospice.

In the meantime, I've been trying to take better care of myself. I put off going to a vajayjay appt forever... I'm talking WAY too long. 

I went to AZ to see my friend Kari. She reminds me that I'm a good person. We've known each other since 1st grade.
But on the way there I lost my wallet but I had a great time reconnecting. We are getting together in July in Vegas!

I've been doing some crafts which always makes me feel good. 

I have been bouncing the same few pounds around. Exercise has to become my priority now. I've got some BIG plans for this next year.

I'm also taking a few online courses including becoming a notary and Project Management. Knowledge is Power!

Until next time...

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Winding Road

Life has basically kicked my ass the last 10 months. We sold our family house after 44 years. Then I fell off my bike and ran out of time off at work. 

In the meantime, I've been dealing with braking things off with Dave! Yes, you read that right for my long time readers.

Dave came back to live with me last Feb. (2013) I had kept in touch with him the whole time he was gone and really thought he had made some changes.  At first things were different but after awhile, he started to revert back to his old ways. I really should have made the break then but my attention was focused on my mom. To give you an example, about 3 weeks prior to her death, he drove my car drunk and smashed the glass in the dashboard with his fist. Then I was finding bottles of whiskey in my cupboards and drawers. I'm all for getting a buzz but not to THAT degree.

I gave it all I had to make it work but I couldn't live that life anymore. I waited until this February and told him he had to move but it didn't happen until a few weeks ago. 

I'm actually enjoying the peace and quiet. I do miss him but I know good things are in store for me.

Until next time...

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Coastal Plates

I got personalized license plates. I did custom letters too which is KTBCRZN or Katie be Cruisin :)

Here is the info on the website:

The WHALE TAIL® License Plate sponsored by the California Coastal Commission gives drivers a way to help protect and restore the priceless resources of California's coast and ocean. The Coastal Commission uses these funds to support many worthy coastal education efforts, including the annual Coastal Cleanup Day which each fall turns out thousands of volunteers to clean our beaches and waterways. The plate also supports the year 'round Adopt-A-Beach® program, the WHALE TAIL® Grants program (which supports marine education at the local level), our free resources for educators, the Coastal Conservancy's beach access and habitat restoration programs, and other programs to preserve and enhance environmental resources, sponsored by the Natural Resources Agency.

I have to wait 8-12 weeks for them but hopefully they will come sooner.

Until next time...

Friday, April 4, 2014

Pushy Peeps

The other day I was in a social situation and encountered some acquaintances (man and wife) that I had not seen in some time. Both of them have had gastric bypass surgery. The husband had it over 10 years ago and the wife was within the last year or two. The wife specifically has had some major issues/complications surrounding her surgery and recovery.

Having bypass surgery is such a major AND personal decision. I support anyone who does it but for me personally I don't think I would be a good candidate. I did tons of research on the various surgical options and it's just not in the cards for me.

What floored me about this situation was not only the timing and venue but also the judgy way it was said. Who the bleep chooses a happy social gathering to berate someone about getting GBS???

My payback was to buy her shots of tequila and watch her get sloppy drunk and embarrass herself... 

All I know is that after that conversation, it will be a long time before I engage in ANY conversation with the two of them.

Until next time...

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Proverbial Horse

This is my bike that I fell off last August. I've only rode once since then until today. Luckily the bike shop is virtually across the street so I rode over and had it adjusted, cleaned up and I took off the basket for now.

It felt good to ride today! My knees are a little sore but I plan on making it a habit again.

P.S. I named my bike Keke which is Katie in Hawaiian. 

Until next time...

Friday, March 7, 2014

Fear of Sharing

I have been hesitant to post because allegedly there were/are people that were using the information against me. All I can say is I will not kowtow to anybody who is going to be vicious. There is so much to say but I am tapped emotionally so this is a summary of what happened the last six months.

Buried my mom
Sold the family house
Broke my arm and cheekbone
Let go from my job
Broke up with boyfriend (again!)

Here is a test you can take to gauge where you are on the stress scale. My score was 421 - Eeeek!

  Until next time...

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Marching back...

Hopefully someone is out there listening. I have had such the effin rough six months of my life. I have been so overwhelmed with everything and I should have come here to vent but I didn't want to be a downer. I know how cathartic it can be to write it out so here I am, ready to tell my story. I can save one person from enduring the heartache I have then it will be worth it to me. For now, I leave you with this...