Monday, April 27, 2015

Finally Went!

I finally went to the gym last Tuesday. I survived. I honestly was about to cry when I was checking in but I managed to keep my cool. I did 25 minutes on the treadmill. What I now need to do is have them show me the equipment and weight area. I am still considering doing Personal Training. My preference is someone who has had a weight struggle at one point in their lifetime. I feel like they can identify more with what your dealing with.

Counseling seems to be helping. The book The Grief Recovery Handbook is really helping. It's work but I think it is time well spent. Honestly, I think we need to incorporate this kind of coping tool in our youth's curriculum. There are all different types of loss and I think it would make such a difference if we knew some coping tools in advance. Divorce, Loss of job, broken friendships, its all grief.

My brother, his wife and their two Biewer Yorkshire Terriers are coming for a visit in two weeks. This is a sample pic of what they look like. They have more of a black and white coloring to them.

 Poor Bogey. It will only be for a few days but three dogs and one ditty is not fair.

Eating has been bad. I am hovering at 240. Today is a new day and a new opportunity for changed behavior.

Until next time...


Friday, April 10, 2015

239 and I'll be Fine

I have not been below 240 in at least 10 years. I am 239 which is teetering but I will take it! My eating has been only okay but I have increased my activity chasing after the little lunatic Sophie!  She is so fun and so cute but she is a puppy and I have to watch her every move. She is a sneaky little bugger.

One thing I decided to do to help heal from some of life's challenges I've faced the last few years (and prior) is to start counseling. Part of my issue is grief and it helps to have an ear that knows how to help cope with the losses. Loss of loved ones, career, friends, broken relationships - its all grieving. She recommended a book called The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Frank Cherry.  The description is:

Newly updated and expanded to commemorate its twentieth anniversary—this classic resource helps people complete the grieving process and move toward recovery and happiness.
Incomplete recovery from grief can have a lifelong negative effect on the capacity for happiness. Drawing from their own histories as well as from others', the authors illustrate how it is possible to recover from grief and regain energy and spontaneity. Based on a proven program, The Grief Recovery Handbook offers grievers the specific actions needed to move beyond loss. New material in this edition includes guidance for dealing with:

Loss of faith
Loss of career and financial issues
Loss of health
Growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home

The older generations in my experience are of the "Buck up and Deal" camp but I don't think that is the healthiest way to deal with it. Loss is a part of life and wouldn't it be better if we had the tools to help us cope?

My dad passed away 16 years ago on Sunday, April 12th. I miss him dearly but I know that he is watching over me and wants to me lead a healthy and happy life.

Until next time...

Friday, March 27, 2015

240 and Chin Up

Hello my lovelies!!

I am down to 240 which I have not been this low in over a decade. It feels pretty good. Not that I am done by a long shot but it does give me hope that I can get this extra weight off once and for all. I attribute the loss to walking Sophie twice a day and chasing her bouncy butt all over the place. She got fixed two weeks ago and we are getting the stitches taken out today. Honestly, it did not slow her down at ALL.

I've been struggling a bit here in AZ. I know I made the right decision to move here but I guess I underestimated how hard it was going to be. Change is hard! But, change can be good and I just have to focus on the positives of which there are many. When I go back to work, I'm sure that will help. I do feel a little isolated but that will change with time.

Moving here also changed dynamics with friendships. I discovered that some relationships were stronger then others and they filtered themselves out. I learned that lesson when my parents passed. The true blues are there to help you heal and the others scatter when things get rough. I guess its all character building LOL! I just need to keep my chin up and forge ahead.

Until next time...


Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Gym Junk

It has been since April 23, 2012 since I have been to a gym. The last time I went to a gym it was a pretty bad experience but I had no earthly idea it had been THAT long! I kept paying my $25 a month but never went. There aren't any 24 hour Fitness locations that are close to where I live so I finally cancelled my membership that started in 1997.

Thinking it would be a good idea and a good way to meet people would be to join another gym. I signed up for a year at Desert Fitness but have yet to go. It has been over a month since I signed up. What is really preventing me from going? I highly doubt I would have another bad experience. Maybe because there is no accountability. Lazy? Scared? What am I afraid of? I was thinking of doing personal training. It was effective before. Hmmm something to think about...

I eventually need to get back to work too. I am so grateful to have been able to take this time to heal but I need to pad my pocketbook again. Not sure what type of work I want to do. I would love to work part-time but I am not sure what is out there. Definitely need to start checking things out.

Until next time...


Sunday, March 15, 2015


One thing I think that has helped me make changes in my life is by embracing that Progress is the Goal and Perfection is unreasonable.

I am one of those people who want instant gratification. That too is unreasonable. Things take time and even though we may want something to happen right away its just not possible.

Since moving here to AZ, I have not really been able to park in my garage and yesterday we were able to get things more organized so I at least had room. The temperature here has already been in the upper 80s so a car sitting out in that temperature can be miserable. As a result of that project there are more boxes inside the house now. It is a little overwhelming but it's all about one box at a time.  I have even implemented the 15 Minute Method. I set a timer for 15 minutes and work on whatever project I'm doing. For whatever reason it seems to work for me. I figure I can do just about anything for 15 minutes.

Until next time...


Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Me and 243

Wow, I am actually here two days in a row. Shocker huh?

I got on the scale this morning. I was a little afraid since it had been a few weeks since I got on the scale. Well, I was pleased to see 243.  The last time I was 243 that I noted here in my blog was Oct. 2012. Yikes!  Anything that I lose from here on out will be new territory.

One of the benefits of having Sophie is walking her. I have been walking her at least twice a day. She seems to behave better if she she gets her walks in. She doesn't seem to be lacking in the energy dept that's for sure!

I am slowly but surely adjusting to life here in the AZ. I did not realize how hard leaving California was going to be emotionally. Like all things we lose or change we grieve for. I know in my heart that I made the right decision to move here but there is such comfort in familiarity! Change is hard!  I have been hard on myself and that is a pattern I am working on changing. I have a negative soundtrack that I need to ditch. Once I realize it's playing I try to change the tune. I have a lot to be proud of and grateful for so I am trying to focus on that.

Until next time...


Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Hernia Hell

Happy March my friends. I hope life is treating you well.

Before I left California, I had a visit with my PCP and pointed out the fact that I thought I had an umbilical hernia. I knew what it was because we had a dog that had one and Bogey also had one when I found him. Ironic I say...

The only way to fix them is through surgery.  The unfortunate part is that I am a surgery risk. Going under the knife at this weight is an issue. Anesthesia being the biggest risk.  You can live with them for quite awhile without issue, however, the intestines can get strangled and cause big problems. At this point, it is mild in my case but I would like to get it taken care of sooner rather then later.

Another side effect of obesity.

Since I moved, I had to switch healthcare providers and I have not set up a new appt or a new PCP. Ughhh such a drag finding a new doctor.