Decisions Decisions Decisions

 

Well things have changed in the last two weeks...

I decided not to continue treatments moving forward. This time around it was painful and while they buy me more time I felt like s**t and I do not want to feel bad due to the poison they pump into your body. I was told 3-6 months to live without them. There is no way of knowing... I just don't want to give myself an expiration date...

I am being realistic and signed on with Hospice. I am also did my will and Advanced Directive. Basically, I just need to choose my final resting spot and urn. I am considering this

It is so surreal doing all this stuff but then again at least I get to make the decisions.

Until next time...

 

Monday Madness

 

Gonna be short today. It is 102 outside but I feel like it is a rainy Monday.

Insurance is ending. Disabilty is filed and awaiting an answer. Waiting for PETSCAN results which will show the details of how things have progressed. If it is all over, I may stop treatment. It sucks but I do not want to spend my remaining days feeling like shit. Having to decide end of life stuff. Calling hospice... it is just awful... At least I have a little experience in doing some of this stuff but still

I will keep you guys updated until I can't...

Hoping for the Best

Hello everyone...

I want to warn you this is going to be a solemn post.

Last I posted I was going to be going into surgery. Well, that did not happen. Two weeks ago I went in to see the results of the radiation and it showed that it spread to my liver and lungs and surgery was off the table. WTF??!!!! It was the last thing I expected to hear! So the next day I went in to see my Oncologist who said that if I chose not to do treatment (chemo) that I have 3-6 months to live! I am going to do the treatments but even with them they estimated 1 year to 1.5 years. How in the world do you mentally prepare for that!?! In all honesty, I have had a really good life and have done LOTS of wonderful things so I am at peace with that part but having an expiration date is just a weird place to be. Maybe I will beat the odds eh?

I do plan on going and doing things. One thing is I am doing a photo shoot for my "After" pictures. There is a spot about 30 miles away called Granite Reef Recreational Area It is a stunning backdrop for pics. My friend did her preggo pics there and they were AMAZING! I will be posting them here for sure. I never thought I would make it here guys! It is possible for sure. If I can do it ANY ONE CAN! Plan going to Colorado to visit my bro and definitely need to go to the beach. 

Well I just wanted to keep you all in the loop. ALL prayers and positive thoughts are appreciated! 

Until next time

NSVs: Good and Bad

Look at me posting again LOL! I am actually trying to keep myself distracted from thinking about my surgery. Tomorrow I go in to get a scan to see how much the tumor shrank from Radiation. It will also help my surgeon determine his plan of action. I have 3 possibly 4 doctors appts next week. Yay me huh?

• I think the biggest NSV are clothes fitting so differently. I feel like I skipped the progression from sizes cuz I kept wearing big clothing. At my heaviest I was wearing and busting out of 26/28s and now I am XL or 1X. I definitely have body dysmorphia. I have bought a few things that were too big thinking I am really that size still. I have to check with friends to make sure things look good. The bad part about this is that I have some really nice clothes that could be altered. I did get a sewing machine to take some things in but have yet to do so. It was $85 at Walmart. I always have great intentions... follow thru not so much
  

• 

• Weight Limits are no longer an issue which is another NSV. I can go Zip Line or ride a scooter and not worry about topping out.
  
• Fitting in booths or squeezing through areas I would avoid before. Maneuvering around is easier.
  
• Compliments are a lovely NSV
• Shoes fit better

It will be interesting to see how the surgery affects my weight. Since they are removing part of my stomach and gall bladder, I may lose weight after. We shall see...

Until next time...

On the Horizon

Well I did not post last month but thought about it a few times. I was actually pretty tired in July. I did 6 weeks of radiation 5x per week for 10 mins per day. You would think that brief amount of time would not have such a huge impact but boy howdy! That was the biggest side affect from it really.

My weight is holding steady. I was told to not lose anymore so I have been maintaining.  Food does not appeal to me so I almost have to force myself to eat which is so different from my normal.  They are things to help induce hunger so I have been doing that as well.

I am scheduled for surgery on August 18th. The procedure is called a Whipple It is a MAJOR surgery and the prognosis is 20-25% that I will survive the next 5 years. Sounds pretty bleak but I am choosing to think of myself as being in the survivor percentage. Prayers and positive thoughts definitely help me.  

I want to do a whole other post about my loose skin soon. It is SUCH a drag!!! Pun intended! I even asked my surgeon if he was willing to remove my belly skin. He actually does know a surgeon that can so if I survive this that would be the dream. I have skin conditions that may qualify me to get it removed but we shall see.

I'll be back soon for sure! Until next time...

Summer Summer Summertime

Wow look at me posting again! Honestly I do better when I blog so I figure even if it is a short post, I can still post nonetheless. Had a fun 56th birthday! Had lunch with my girl Taylor and dinner was hosted by another friend who invited a few other friends. We did not do Wine and Design because they CLOSED! How random... they still are doing remote classes so I may still do it some time but you need to book in advance.

I am not sure if I mentioned I got a Fitbit Luxe a few months ago. I was having an issue with the latex/rubber on the other versions with the heat here in AZ so I did not wear one for a few years. It is quite spendy but I got a bonus at work so I splurged. It was $199.  It did come with 6 months of membership. It even has add-ons for the band. I got a swanky one like the bracelet above for a fancy occasion if I ever attend one again LOL.

My last radiation is on July 7th. I will get a reprieve and then most likely surgery in August. It is MAJOR surgery. It is called a whipple. Basically they take all your organs out, address the pancreas and then put it all back together. It is scary and I can't even think about it yet. I will have all of July to prepare so one step at a time.

Weight is steady. As I mentioned before, they told me to maintain my weight so I have been hovering around 165 to 170. The loose skin is bugging the sh*t out of me but that is whole other post.

Until next time...

Crispy Fried

Well I did not expect not to post last month but here I am 😄

The last month has been a mixed bag. I completed 4 rounds of chemo and the numbers are trending down which is great news. I had a little break in between starting Radiation with an oral chemotherapy. Radiation is 5x per week for 6 weeks. I will be done on July 6th and then tentatively they will do surgery in August. The treatment is a t 7:10 am and is for only 10 mins but it kicks my arse and makes me suppppper tired. I know the best thing for my body is the rest but ugghhhh I want to do things but I guess it will still be there.

I have had a pretty good attitude about all this but I will say I have allowed myself to feel sad. My prognosis is good so that really helps and having good doctors and good support from my friends and family. I even had my Uncle Steve (bio) come for a visit which was a great distraction. Music, prayers and self-care have been crucial in going through all this.

My birthday is the 21st. I will be 56! Whoa doggers! I have Radiation that day. Most likely will go to lunch with my friends but I want to go to Wine and Design. I wanted to do it last year but it got veto'd so I want to try again. Even if just one person comes with me. Well shall see...

That is about it for now. Hope to come back and post more often. 

Until next time...

70P.S. Weight is 170 and holding