Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Katie and Codepenancy

According to Wikipedia: Codependency (or codependence, co-narcissism or inverted narcissism) is unhealthy love and a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively care-taking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.

Here are some questions that CODA suggests you ask yourself to determine if you are in fact codepenent.

1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?
10. Have you ever felt inadequate?
11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?
18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?
19. Do you have trouble asking for help?
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?

I have definitely identified with some of the codependent behaviors. Somewhere along the way I got complacent and relied on others to make me happy or by helping them to make me happy. I finally am breaking the cycle of needing to rely on others and focus on relying on me. I AM STRONG and I DESERVE HAPPINESS. I need to remember this! Until next time...

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Post #900

Holy cow it is hard to believe I have done 900 posts! I am scheduled to go to Physical Therapy today at noon. I have not driven since the Sciatica started two weeks ago. I have never had back problems before so this has been a new and humbling experience. For those of you who don't know, Sciatica is pain originating in the sciatic nerve, which runs from the lower back down the back of your legs. Symptoms of sciatica include burning in the leg, pain in the back of the leg when sitting, leg weakness, shooting pain, and more. Causes of sciatica may include lumbar spinal stenosis, degenerative disc disease, pregnancy, and other factors including being overweight. Treatments may include medications, steroid injections, physical therapy, or surgery. Many times, sciatica will ease on its own.

While I was researching info on WebMD I came across an interesting BMI Plus Calculator that takes your metabolism and activity levels into consideration.

My goal is to eventually get down to 150 lbs. which will still be overweight regardless but I still think it a step in the right direction as far as calculating BMI. Let me know what you think. Until next time...

Monday, November 28, 2011


Thanks for all your hugs, love and support on yesterday's post!

Since I am encroaching on being single, it has been on my mind about meeting/being with someone else/new. When I got together with Dave, I was 38 and I weighed about 270 if I recall. He took me as I am and told me I was beautiful. Then I got heavier and ultimately gained 45 lbs. the first few years we were together.  I ended up doing insulin shots twice a day and being diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and given a CPAP machine to sleep with. I felt worlds better and started losing weight. I am still down 60 lbs. from then but I am still doing one insulin shot and sleeping with the CPAP still. Eventually, I may be able to ditch the machine with continued weight loss. Same with the insulin.

How do you tell someone you have to sleep with a machine? I suppose if the person really cared about you it wouldn't matter but how do you even bring it up in a conversation?? Obliviously, it wouldn't have to be brought up right away but it does sit on my nightstand and even if we were watching a movie or something it is sitting right there. I could always hide it but I think that would be counterproductive and would compromise my sleep. I know it is not the biggest priority in the world but it has really been plaguing my mind so I thought I would post about it. Until next time...

Sunday, November 27, 2011

It's Hard to Do

As I have mentioned over the last few months, Dave is still here. I read back to the beginning of this year in my blog and it was in July that I told him things were over between us. I had emotionally separated from him to a certain extent at that point. I still care about him and always will but I know we do not have a future together. We have been together almost 7 years. When my mom went in the hospital, he was extremely helpful to me and made sure I stayed nourished and rested and then again with this sciatic problem. It can't go on forever though and we have been talking and at this point he said he would be gone by next weekend.Any way you look it it, it ain't gonna be easy. It is for the best and I know that I have a bright future but it is hard to see that through my tears right now.... Until next time..

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Middle Road

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. I went out to dinner with my mom and brother to a restaurant called McCormick & Schmicks. They specialize in Seafood so it right up my alley. I had Sashimi and California rolls for dinner. I also had 3 Lemon Drops which were mighty tasty! They did have a full Thanksgiving dinner but both mom and Bob ate Filet Mignon. We all shared one chocolate mousse for dessert.

Yesterday the extended family got together for lunch but I bailed out. Part of it is being in pain but I just wasn't emotionally up for it either. I am supposed to go to dinner with them tonight and really should but I have been avoiding which is not healthy either. I have been in a funk mood with all the changes going on but I am acknowledging it and trying to push through it. I was proud of myself that I saw Danielle two days in a row and I haven't seen her in months.

I stepped on the scale and it is up a number of pounds. I needed to check myself before I ended up stuffing my face and seeing that number go up too much. I am able to go on short walks so I can be mildly active but I need to control my portions.

Hope you are enjoying your weekend. Until next time...

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

Hoping you all have a good Thanksgiving. Be safe and kind to yourself. xoxo

Monday, November 21, 2011

Puffy and Pain

Feels like forever since I did a real post... I am still in quite a bit of pain but it is more manageable with the Motrin and muscle relaxers. What really makes it improve is the anti-inflammatory but the muscle relaxers help with the spasms that shoot down my legs. I have been eating more with all the pills and the scale is up but I am giving myself a reprieve. The poison oak is healing slowly but surely. My doctor told me I could use a steroid cream I have and it will accelerate the healing on that front so that is a good thing.  I am off of work until December 4th which is putting a big bite into my income...Like Polar's Mom, things could be worse. I still have a lot to be thankful for.

One thing this sciatica has taught me is to be humble and that I want to get this weight off of me once and for all. It has been really hard to maneuver around using just my upper body strength and knees and daily tasks are hard to complete. I have not made it to the bathroom at least half a dozen times over the last week. One day I even had to have Dave help me in the  bathroom.

I am going to the eye doctor tomorrow because I am overdue for a retinal eye screening for my Diabetes so it will be good to get that taken care of. Now I just need to make a coochie doctor appt. I have procrastinated and really do need to get in and be seen. Until next time...

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Insult to Injury

As luck would have it, I now have poison oak on my face, shoulder, neck chest and belly. Yippee for me huh?

I am miserable and this sucks! That is all...

Monday, November 14, 2011


I have Sciatica and in a world of pain. I will be back soon. Until next time...

Friday, November 11, 2011

Fuzzy Friday

Last night was a very adventurous night... A friend of mine called and said he had a campsite at New Brighton Beach and wanted me to come over and hang out with him. So, after work, I stopped home, changed clothes and was out the door in a few minutes. It took me over an hour to drive there with the traffic so I got there after 7:00 p.m. The moon was really bright and the sky was partially clear so it was a really nice night considering it is November!  We had the best time! There were raccoons by the dozen and a few baby skunks! They were all over the place! I have never been that close to a skunk before.  By the time we finished talking it was 1:30 a.m.!!! I am used to being in bed by 9:30 p.m. - 10:00 p.m. so it was quite late. By the time I got home and in bed it was after 2:00 a.m. Needless to say I am feeling a little fuzzy today but I totally enjoyed myself so it's all worth it.

I got on the scale this morning (daily) and the scale said 250 so I am taking it since yesterday was my weigh day. That makes 65 lbs. lost. I am bound and determined to be in the 240s next week!

Back in August, I bought 3 personal training sessions that were on special for $129. I have not been able to use any of them since I injured myself at the hospital. Monday is when the soft cast comes off so I scheduled the first appt. for Tuesday at 5:15. The gym is 1.5 miles from my work so I can pop right over there. I am looking forward to setting up a workout plan that I can add to as I increase my strength.

No big plans for this weekend. I really need to sort through paperwork so I am going to attempt that. I have a plan that I will work on it for 15 min intervals so I don't get overwhelmed. We can all eat an elephant, but we still have to do it a bite at a time right? Until next time...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Weigh to Be

Had a pretty good day yesterday. I had brought my lunch to work but had to go to the Post Office so I ended up eating at Panda Express. I had only been there once before and I did not particularly like the chow mien they serve (I don't like fried rice) so I asked if I could just order an entree item and you can so that is what I did. I got Walnut Prawns. According to their website, this was 370 calories. They do have some healthy options that are called Wok Smart. They are items that are 250 calories or less. Nice to know there are somewhat healthy options when you are craving Chinese food.

I got on the scale this morning and I stayed the same at 252. I have not been active this week with this allergy/cold thing going on so I was not expecting much. My back is also hurting which is really unusual for me so I am going to modify my calories to make up for it.

This was my view this morning on my way to work. I just had to capture it because it was so pretty. As I got closer to work it turned pink but the traffic over here is horrible so I did not want to risk it.

Speaking of traffic, we have an arrival and departure process where the kids are dropped off and picked up and they have to drive in front of our building to get to the school. Well, to avoid the speed bumps that were there, they would swing around into our parking area. Yesterday, the speed bumps were extended so now people cannot avoid them. I don't think I have ever been so happy to see a speed bump EVER. Until next time...

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Happy and Sad

Had a pretty good day yesterday. Went to Denny's as planned. I tried to get a picture of Paige but it didn't turn out very good. I ordered a Cranberry Apple Walnut Salad. Unfortunately, the spring mix they used was wilted so I just ate the toppings. Probably should have had the veggie burger instead. Next time I'll know better...

Yesterday, Fit Stella and I went to the park for lunch. I shared my tuna sandwich with her and then she wanted to play so off to the playground we went. Her favorite part of the park was the slide.There were three different ones so she kept alternating between them. We had a lot of fun and it wore us out.  Stay tuned to see where we go next...

Last night after we got home, I wanted to have a cup of tea so I pulled out a chamomile tea and went to put it in the Keurig and it would not turn on. I think I burned out the motor by leaving it on all the time so I went ahead and ordered another one. Bums me out as I just ordered $30 worth of coffee but it will be delivered on Friday so I will have it for the weekend. I looked back to see when I got it and it was in July last year so it lasted a year and a half. I feel like it should have lasted longer but I also left it on so I take responisbility for that.

I got an email from Apple saying my iPhone4S is on its way! Woohoo! It will be delivered to my work next Tuesday by 4:30. I am so excited! I know it is just a phone but I am still looking forward to getting it. One of the major selling points is the camera. It is 8 megapixel (the iPhone4 is 6) and has editing capabilities. Also Siri is going to be my new BFF. Siri is the functionality that answers your questions, schedules appts., dictates emails etc. I puffy heart technology!!! Until next time...

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Visitor & Time Flies!

Had an okay night last night. I overindulged in snacking though last night and while I still tracked my calories it was not pretty. But, today is a new day and I am back on track. I did do some Just Dance 3 last night. I am really liking it a lot. The bonus is it exposes me to music I might not have otherwise heard and they give you the lyrics too (optional)

Look who came to my place?

Fit Stella just arrived today from New Mexico where she enjoyed adventures with Fab Kate. It took her a few days to drive here but she is now rested and ready for her Northern California visit. I brought her to work with me to meet my coworkers and also to play with the kids at recess. I work at a private school and thought that they would like to play with her.

Tonight is a get together for Dave's granddaughter's birthday. She likes to go to Denny's to get her free birthday meal so that is where we are going. She is 15 today! So hard to believe! She and her mom (Dave's daughter) moved back to California from Florida when Paige was 9... it is just so hard to believe that time has flown so quickly.

For those of you who are wondering, yes, Dave is still living with me. Things haven't changed much and his moving out is eminent but with the decline in my mother's health, it was the last thing I could think of dealing with. He was actually helpful during all of that making sure I took care of ME like eating properly and getting rest and just remembering to breathe. I really need to just rip the damn band-aid off but I am afraid so meanwhile nothing changes. It remains to be seen how it will roll out. Until next time...

Monday, November 7, 2011

Fall and Flannel

Guess what this is
Good Morning my bloggy buds! Hope you had a good weekend. Mine was pretty okay. Nothing too exciting to report. Went a little nuts on sweets on Saturday with some brownies and cookies but curbed it on Sunday. The brownies were at my neighbors and the cookies were at home. The weather was pretty funky so stayed in most of the weekend. Did get on my bike for a few minutes but just rode it around the block before it started raining again.

There have been quite a few NSVs (Non Scale Victories) that losing 65+ lbs has brought on. One of them is the fact that I can use flannel sheets. I have always wanted to try them but I was always hot when I was at my heaviest and could not even think about it but now, I do feel temperatures much more so I got some blue flannel sheets and I absolutely love them. They are so soft, warm and cozy. Makes me want to snuggle in bed longer :-)

The flower above is actually an air freshener! I got it at Target and it smells fantastic. It says it should last 60 days so I will let you know. I put it in the bathroom shelf and it looks great there. It was like $4.99 or so. Hope you have a good day! Until next time...

Friday, November 4, 2011

Fall Friday & BYOC

It is finally beginning to feel like Fall around here. I wish we had the changing of the seasons like other locales do. The colors are just stunning aren't they?

I did not go to my mom's last night. Yes, I am a flake. I have been feeling rather congested and blowing my face off yesterday so I decided to just go home and rest. I had a huge headache so we ate dinner and I was in bed reading by 9:00 p.m.

My friend, Drazil, always does BYOC which is Bring Your Own Crazy and I thought it would be fun to do since I am pretty drained mentally and physically today. Feel free to play along. Just copy and paste the questions and plug in your answers.

1. What’s on your desk between your monitor and keyboard? (if it’s a laptop – what’s on your desk in general)

The case for my glasses, a glass ladybug and butter cream lip balm by Yankee candle.

2. What’s on your mind right at this moment?

Hoping that the day goes by fast and I can get home and rest

3. What’s in or on your nightstand on your side of the bed?

On my nightstand is a CD player Alarm Clock, Kleenex, my CPAP machine, a lamp and my reading glasses

4. What’s on YOUR Christmas wish list (let’s assume you’d get what was on it)?

Honestly, I feel like I have everything I need and then some. Maybe a book or music but I am pretty content

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

It has been an up and down week in real life. As for blog land, one of my favorite bloggers left but she did it eloquently by letting us know why. I have the utmost respect for her and will truly miss her wit and wisdom. A number of bloggers that had disappeared for awhile have come back and recommitted so that was encouraging!

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I don't have any big plans. I will have to go see my mom at some point but nothing scheduled other then that. Until next time...

P.S. Don't forget to set your clocks back an hour Saturday night before you go to bed!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Weigh Day and My Lap

Had a decent night last night. Dinner was a Caeser Salad with Prawns from across the street. The prawns were a little overdone so I think I will go back to the salmon. It is always cooked perfectly. I was extra tired so I went to bed and read at 9:00 p.m. and was asleep shortly thereafter. I am reading A Place of Yes on my Kindle.

Today is weigh day and I am happy to report a 2 lb. loss which puts me at 252. It is encouraging to see the scale moving again let me tell you. I have not been exercising like I need to be though. With my injuries I have been a little lax. I have to wear the soft cast until 11/14/11 but that does not mean I can't be active in the meantime.
My buddy Negra
This is my neighbor's dog, Negra. She is my wittle fwend! Isn't she cute? When I go and visit I always pick her up and cuddle on her and sometimes she will sit in the chair next to me so I can pet her. Well last night, without any prompting, she hopped on my lap! She has never done that before... my belly was in the way before so she could not sit comfortably but now that it is slimming down there is room for her. I was shocked! I have a lap again! A great NSV! (Non Scale Victory)

Going to my mom's tonight and not really looking forward to it. She is upset because she got a bill for the in-home care she has been receiving and was angry it was so much. I had to explain that I was presented with two options: one was for her to go home with assistance or the other was for her to go into Assisted Living. She wanted to go home so that is what I made happen and now she feels like she wasn't consulted which she was all along. The stroke has affected her short term memory so I have to be patient and remember to breathe. Until next time...

P.S. Shannon, I need your address to send the coffee so email it to me at katiejisonherway at gmail dot com :-) ok?

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Eleven Two Eleven

Had a mellow night last night. I made Tilapia for dinner with spinach and garlic bread. I am not fond of Tilapia but I used some Panko breading with lemon pepper and it came out good. I think I would like anything with Panko breading. Wish I had discovered it earlier! No exercise to speak of and even though I wore my fitbit I did not track my food. It was sheer laziness really... I need to be more diligent!

I love strong coffee. I only drink one cup a day and I want it to count! I do use creamer and Splenda but I still like a good coffee buzz. Well, when Amazon sent me an email saying they had a variety pack of Bold Not Burnt K-cups I jumped on it. The thing with the Keurig coffees is that they are hit or miss when it comes to taste but I figured these were right up my alley.

It came with 35 cups so it worked out to be 85 cents a cup which is a great price. The only drawback was some of them were Decaf.
So, if you have a Keurig machine and don't mind decaf you can have them. I will mail them anywhere in the US or Canada. Just leave a comment on this post. Make sure I have a way to contact you for your address. Until next time...

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


Hope you all had a safe and sane Halloween. I ended up just staying home and hanging out instead of going with the neighbor kids. I did not have dinner by the time they wanted to go so I told them to go on without me. We did have a handful of Trick or Treaters and I was impressed by this one:

His name is Kirby but I had never heard of him.

It must have been hard to walk around like that but definitely an entertaining costume! We passed out Tootsie Rolls (Dana), Tootsie Pops and Dots  because I am not a fan of them and not tempted to eat them at all. Although, they did have little vanilla ones and I did have 4 of those over the last few days but that was it. In all honesty, I am not huge on chocolate anymore. I binged out on it before starting my WL and it still doesn't appeal to me very much which is a good thing I guess. My 1st choice more often then not is Strawberry over chocolate.

I am glad it is a new month. It always feels like a clean slate to me but with this new month comes holidays and I am not looking forward to them this year. It is almost always just me and my mom and we have managed to make it work but I am kinda dreading it this year. I will start thinking about what we can do now. It will make me feel better to have a plan. Until next time...