Thursday, December 31, 2009

10 for 2010

Calories burned: 2147
Calories consumed: 1997
Calorie Deficit: 143

Had tacos for dinner last night. I went overboard and had 4 of them hence the small deficit. Also had a snack of toast and peanut butter.

I put together a list of 10 goals for 2010 and they are as follows:
  1. Continue to lose weight but increase the rate of loss to 1.5 - 2.0 lbs. per week. Slight modification on calories consumed and definite increase in calories burned (See #2) My short term goal is to get down another 40+ pounds by April 12th. It will be tough but achievable. Rate would need to be 2.9 per week.
  2. Make exercise a priority. Hoping that I can use the pool at the Senior Center. I do have a gym membership at 24hr Fitness (13 years) and signed up for the Super Sport location that is closest to my apt. It is state of the art and I need to start being a regular there. If I am unable to get to the gym I will improvise with a workout DVD at home like Zumba or Belly dancing. Minimum of 3 days per week.
  3. Go to church more actively. I have not been going as regularly as I was in the past and I always feel better when I am going consistently. I also need to go alone instead of just when Deb and Larry go.
  4. Financial stability. I am close to paying off my debt (4 months) and need to start aggressively paying off student loan. Stop being such a shopaholic. I will expand on this topic in an upcoming post.
  5. Read more. I am currently reading Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom. It is a real page turner and it is sparked a desire to read more actively again. I go through spurts of it but I am always happy to get back to it when I do.
  6. Update my skills. Need to keep current with the latest software and technology. I want to take a class at my local college.
  7. Paint ceramics. I love to paint ceramics and even started a little business called Kate's Kreations a few years ago. My claim to fame was bowls that I painted to look like watermelons. I was even approved to sell my wares at the local Farmers Market but I never had enough stock to sell. I will show you some of my artwork in a future post as well.
  8. Handle my relationship with Dave. Enough said.
  9. Nurture the friendships and relationships that matter most. Spend time with Debbie and Lesley as Debbie gets treated for her Cancer. Spend as much time as possible with my mom as well.
  10. Update my resume. I like my job and I have been hear for 6 years but I am in a rut. I want to take on some additional responsibilities to add to my position. Talk to D.M. about it.

Not sure what I will be doing tonight. Dave has to get a tooth pulled so he will be in bed. I most likely will go out with Danielle to the Can't Say. I will bring my camera and hopefully have some updated pictures for you all. I am not happy with the ones I took at Christmas. Note to self: Don't give a drunk person the camera :-)

Wishing you all a Safe, Sane and Healthy 2010!!! Until next time...

P.S. I have Internet at home again so I will be able to post over the weekend. It is not set up "properly" but it works so that is all that matters.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Ramblings & Year in Review

Did well yesterday with food. Calories consumed: 1141. Routine activity level. I need to install the latest software for the bugg and I need MIS to help. Luckily the MIS person is Nicole and she is the one who gave me the bodybugg.

When I was driving home from work last night, I said a little prayer as I was passing the Senior Center and asked that I be approved so I can start swimming there. Well, I got a call from Ms. F from the Center last night but did not hear the phone ring. She would like to meet with me to discuss my application which is a good sign. She also mentioned there is a new form for 2010 and that I will need to fill that out when the time comes so that sounded pretty promising as well.

I was dinking around on the computer yesterday and decided to do the survey at Real Age You should check it out! They ask an extensive amount of questions regarding diet, lifestyle, exercise and more. Well I am chronologically 43.5 but it computed me to be 53.3! Freakin yikes! Guess I need to make some more lifestyle adjustments.

I have a gripe that I have to share. I have to wear a CPAP machine for Sleep Apnea. I wore it faithfully for about 15 months until I moved to my latest apt. in November. I got out of the habit and enjoyed the freedom of not wearing it and felt like I was getting a "decent" nights sleep. Well I started wearing it again as of Sunday night. There is a substantial difference in how I feel when I get up in the morning. I have energy and my brain is clearer and functions better. A good thing right? Well it is, but my complaint is the &$#!^ strap marks! I wake up with big lines in my face. They do fade and are "mostly" gone by the time I get to work but it makes me mad! I have tried adjusting them but it has to be taught enough so there are no air leaks. They should try to come up with a better design but meanwhile...

I got on the scale for the final time this year. 262 which is a gain of 4 lbs. since last week. I am not surprised. While I am not happy it is a gain, I am happy it wasn't more. That means I have lost a total of 53 lbs. this year. Here are the official stats for 2009:

% of Weight Loss: 18.4%
% of Goal Completed: 37%
Avg. Loss per Week: 1.0 lbs.
Inches lost: 28"
Reduced BMI: 10.3 (45.5)
Clothing: Currently 22/24 vs. 28/30 or 4x vs. 2x

All in all I am really happy about the physical and lifestyle changes I have made this year. Of course, I wish I had lost more but as with anything else you get out of it what you put into it. I did not diet. I basically reduced my portions and got in a little more activity. I have grown emotionally and spiritually as well and that is a wonderful thing. I still have lots to do in both arenas but I am glad to be moving in the right direction. This is probably the first time I have ever followed through on a New Year's resolution :-)

Tomorrow's post will be my goals and objectives for 2010. I also wanted to let you in on a little secret... Shhhhh.... I have a cool Giveaway coming up next week so stay tuned... I will let you know what it is on Monday.

Oh and by the way - OMG I have 200 followers! Who would have thought that when I started banging the keys back in February that anyone would come and read about my little world and now there are 200! Whoa!!! That just blows my mind people! I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your support and encouragement have been instrumental in my success. I will be forever grateful. I think that is enough gibberish for today. Until next time...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

What is a workout?

Nothing too terribly notable about yesterday. I figured out that I am one of the few people that are working this week. I did okay on food until the evening time and went a little overboard. I consumed 1565 cals. I did not have my bugg on so no calorie burn numbers today. I don't have it on today either (Bad Katie J!) Will be drinking lots of water today in hopes of a good weigh in tomorrow for the last weigh in of 2009.

As I was cleaning out my gym bag, I found this and thought I would share:

A workout is 25 percent perspiration and 75 percent determination. Stated another way, it is one part physical exertion and three parts self-discipline. Doing it is easy once you get started. A workout makes you better today than you were yesterday. It strengthens the body, relaxes the mind, and toughens the spirit. When you work out regularly your problems diminish and your confidence grows. A workout is a personal triumph over laziness and procrastination. It is the badge of a winner – the mark of an organized, goal-oriented person who has taken charge of his, or her, destiny. A workout is a wise use of time and an investment in excellence. It is a way of preparing for life’s challenges and proving to yourself that you have what it takes to do what is necessary. A workout is a key that helps unlock the door to opportunity and success. Hidden within each of us is an extraordinary force. Physical and mental fitness are the triggers that can release it. A workout is a form of rebirth. When you finish a good workout you won’t simply feel better – you feel better about yourself.

Still working on trying to get Internet at home. I have to get on the phone with tech support and see what the heck is going on. That is always a fun way to spend time huh? I will be glad when it is set up. That is about it for now. Until next time...

Monday, December 28, 2009

Is anyone working today?

Well hello people! How was your Christmas? Did Santa bring you everything you wanted?

Seems like forever since I posted but it was only 4 days. Had a nice time at our Christmas luncheon on Wednesday. I ate more then usual but everything was sooo good. Attended the graduation for Dave and that went nicely. I was a little emotional (per usual) and was laughing and crying throughout the ceremony. He asked me to "pin" him which meant I had to go up in front of a 100+ people and place a pin on his tie. My hands were shaking but I did okay. He said a lovely speech and started to choke up when talking about how much my support has meant to him. I was practically sobbing! We went to get a bite to eat with his BF Ed and then went to my place.

On Christmas eve, my mom and I went to see oVo in San Francisco. We have seen quite a few of the different Cirque Du Soleil shows in SF and Las Vegas. It has become a new tradition for us. They are pretty expensive but I think they are worth it. My only complaint for this particular performance was that there was a pole in our line of sight for one of the acts but other then that it was wonderful! We spent the night at the Marriott at Fisherman's Wharf and got up on Friday and drove home. I left my mom's house about 2:00 p.m. and came home and hung out with Dave for the rest of the day. We watched movies and relaxed which was much needed.

Saturday we got together with my extended family and Dave came along! I have been with Dave for 4 years and this was the first time he and my mother have met AND he met my Aunt and cousins too. There was 12 of us all together. Everyone seemed to like him and my mom kept saying how nice it was to finally meet him.

Yesterday I was in motivation mode for some odd reason. I cleaned out my trunk, went through my closet and color coordinated all my clothes. Went through my jewelery box and ditched some of it and I also cleaned up some silver jewelery and pendants that came out wonderful. It's like having brand new stuff! Also watched a few movies including Up, Julie & Julia, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and Hangover.

I got on the scale and it said I was 258 which means I am only up 1 lb. for the holidays. We will see if it sticks for Wednesday but that was pretty encouraging. I tried to be mindful of what I was putting in my mouth but I did indulge more then I have been.

It is really quiet at work today. I am working all this week but I think they will let us go home early on Thursday but I won't bank on it. I don't really have plans for New Year's Eve. I imagine I will go to the Can't Say for at least a little while. It is Dave and my anniversary so we will see. I think that is about it for now. I don't have my bodybugg on today but I am back on plan. Until next time...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Wednesday Weigh

Thank you lovely ladies for all your wonderful comments and support. It warms my heart to know that you care even if we are 100s of miles apart.

I am holding at 260 which is 3 lbs. up from my low of 257. Someone reminded me the other day that it is possible to gain 10-15 lbs. during a holiday season so I am okay with my 3 lbs. I have had some digestive issues due to stress but it seems to be settling down now.

Dave graduates from his program today. He has been there for 6 months which is hard to believe. After a long talk and lots of tears, I have agreed to let him come and stay with me for a while. Big Sigh... He really does not have anywhere to go and I just don't have it in me to kick him to the curb on the day before Christmas Eve. I know that once he does stay it will be harder but I just couldn't severe ties right now. He will be getting some money from the sale of his mom's house in a few months so he will be able to get a place then. At least I will know in my heart of hearts that I did everything to make the relationship work.

We will be having our Christmas luncheon today at Maggiano's at Santana Row. It is yummy food if you have never been there. We will do an ornament exchange which is always a blast and we will be done around 2:00 p.m. for the day.

I am supposed to get DSL by 8:00 p.m. today. I miss blogging from home! I seem to keep on track better when I blog daily. Hopefully it will go smoothly. I think that is about it for now. It is going to be an interesting day for sure. Until next time..

Monday, December 21, 2009

Change of Seasons

Today is the 1st day of Winter and the shortest day of the year.

No screen shots or stats cuz I haven't worn my bugg since Thursday.

Went well with my mom on Thursday night… whew… glad to get that out of the way. She understood and I apologized for letting it go so long. We did not get too “deep” so that helped too…

I learned on Thursday night that Debbie has Stage 3b Lung Cancer. She has a 10% chance of surviving the next 5 years and the average life expectancy with treatment is 13 months. Hard to fathom still... What do you do or say to someone facing that...

When I thought we were going on the cruise I took the 18th through the 25th off. I had forgotten to cancel the time off so I took last Friday off, I am working today and then I will be working Wednesday half day and then that is it.

I went and got blood work done on Friday. I got the results and everything looks pretty good. My Hba1c was 6.3 and it should be 6.0 so I am getting really close to “normal” readings which is fantastic. They will only improve once I start incorporating more exercise into my program. I also went to the senior center and submitted my application for using the pool/facilities. Technically you are supposed to be 50 years old but if you have a medical condition and are a resident you can also use it with proper approval. I should hear back in a week or two. I do have a 24hr Fitness membership and they do have a pool at various locations but I would feel less self conscious at the center because of my NLD and body image. Plus it is across the street from where I live. Can’t beat that eh?

Saturday I had my car serviced. I needed new front tires and an oil change. I had NO oil in my car. That is just crazy! I need to be more diligent about checking things like that. Could have been disastrous! Danielle and I went to Dick’s Open House and I drank copious amounts of red wine. I had a lovely time and it was warm enough to be able to sit on the patio so even better.

Sunday I was a little crunchy from all the vino so I did what every seasoned drinker does and got drunk again! I was on a mission... I was having a Bloody Mary and Dave showed up and confronted me. Without me having to say it, he has basically figured it out that it isn’t going to work with him coming to stay at my place. The timing is horrible but I guess any time you break off a long term (4 years) relationship it is hard to do. I feel like a mean, cruel person for ditching him right before Christmas and days before he gets out of the program. I was supposed to pick him up on Friday and Saturday but did not show up. He left 6 angry messages (which I saved) saying that it was bullsh*t what was happening and my priorities are screwed up. I have no way to contact him by phone to relay a message. He said he was worried about me but I have a hard time believing it. It was pretty awkward and upsetting to say the least. I continued drinking and got a ride home from one of our friends. Feel asleep but did get up for a little while and had a bite to eat and then crashed for the night. Feeling tired today but not woozy thank goodness.

I am supposed to see Dave tonight too - not sure how that will pan out but we shall see. It isn't going to be the last time I see him because I do have his car, some personal items and we do have a checking account together. It is completely separate from my personal banking.

I know this is a weight loss blog but it is also about ME so sorry that the post isn't more weight loss related. I have been doing okay on food. I missed a few meals over the weekend which is not good but I also imbibed quite a few calories too so we shall see...Until next time...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Trembling Thursday

Calories Burned: 2273
Calories Consumed: 1845
Calorie Deficit: 428

Glad I had a deficit at all for yesterday. I did not eat badly but I did have some miniature desserts in the afternoon. Our building management company hosted a dessert reception. There was a chocolate fountain and more delectable delights then you could imagine. I had a tiny eclair, a sugar cookie and a little truffle like candy. I took a pic but damn blogger still won't let me upload pictures.

Did not attend the ceremony at SA but did go out afterwards with Dave L, Dave Y, Mark and Betty. They had a very interesting story to tell which I will elaborate on in another post. Betty had given Mark up for adoption when he was 3 weeks old and he looked for her and found her in 2005. He lived about 30 miles south of her his whole life. Whoa! More later on this topic...

I am going to see my mom tonight finally and having a little anxiety about it. It has been almost a month OMG! but I am sure it will work out okay. I can grin and bear it for a few hours right? We will go to Fish Market so my food will be good for the day. I will be just glad to get it over with and move onward and upward. Until next time...

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Weigh-In Wednesday

Calories Burned: 2231
Calories Consumed: 1748
Calorie Deficit: 483

I am up 2 lbs. I am not surprised given that I have been pretty damn lethargic lately and I did attend the Can't Say Christmas party - I kept it under control in comparison to prior years so that to me is progress.

Thank you for all the prayers and positive energy going out to Debbie O. I also asked my prayer group at church to pray for her. I will keep you posted on her prognosis.

Had a good day yesterday. It started with one of my co-workers, Jesse, who came home from Iraq recently (2nd tour) and it was the first time I had seen him since he came back. It was SO good to see him! He will be back to working with us on January 4th. Then two of my coworkers received gifts from their boss and they were scarves/wraps. Neither one of them thought they would ever wear them so they decided to give them to me. I love wearing scarves and accessories so they knew I would get use out of them. I wore one yesterday (it totally matched) and I am wearing one today. I already have gotten compliments on both of them :-)

My mom is going to the eye doctor today and my friend Larry will be taking her. Larry is Debby's husband. (Debby not Debbie) They live a few blocks away from where she lives and they keep an eye out for her. I am so grateful to have such kind, caring friends. I don't know what I would do without them in my life.

Tonight one of Dave's friends (Dave L.) will be graduating from the program so I will be going to see the ceremony and then we will go have dessert at a local coffee shop. I will make adjustments today so I can accommodate the calories. I will most likely split something with my Dave. Until next time...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Calories Burned: 2201
Calories Consumed: 1426
Calorie Deficit: 775

Good ole blogger still will not let me upload pics. Wonder what the problem is? Is it just me? I did okay fine on food yesterday except I had Fried Zucchini. It was as many calories as my salad with the dressing. Sheesh.

Yesterday a friend of mine (Sherry) emailed and asked about another friend of ours Debbie O. She said that she had not heard from Debbie in awhile and was a bit concerned. She asked me if I knew what was going on with her and I told her I had not been in contact with her lately. I haven't seen her since her daughter Lesley's graduation in the summer. I gave Sherry her current contact info so she could touch bases. Well... later in the day I happened to pop onto Facebook and Lesley's status said "God please tell me that the the surgery will find out what it is and that everything will be okay, and that she will get better. I love you mommy, more than anything" I called Lesley right away and she told me that they think Debbie might have Cancer. She has a collapsed lung and will be going in for a biopsy on Thursday. I did get a chance to talk to Debbie and we cried and I told her that I am sorry for being such a sh*tty friend. She said "You know Kate, don't sweat that small stuff, I know you would be there for me in a heartbeat" and she is right. If you are a person of faith I would really appreciate any prayers for her.

Then... Dave and I met for a bite to eat and we were talking about a meeting he had gone to earlier in the day and he quoted one of the steps and was explaining an example of the step and as he was telling me I got an email from a dear friend and she quoted the SAME step! I was in total shock! Coincidence? I don't think so... What do you think? Until next time...

Monday, December 14, 2009

I'm not leaving!

A few of you left comments that I was going to be gone for a month but I am not going anywhere!! What I said was I would not have Internet at home for another month so I would not be able to post on the weekends but I am not leaving any time soon!

I did not wear my bodybugg over the weekend but I do have it on now. Made it through the weekend fairly unscathed. I was supposed to pick Dave up Friday but I was too tired and was in bed by 9:00 p.m. Saturday was the Christmas party. I picked Dave up and we went to Target. I ended up spending the whole gift card and mostly on me! I finally bought new chonies!! It feels so much better to wear panties that fit let me tell you. I also bought some new makeup and the newest book by Mitch Albom called Have a little Faith. Have any of you read it? I have heard it is really good. Anyways, I went to the party and had a good time. I did take some pictures but blogger is not cooperating and I can't upload them. I did well on food and I did not drink so that saved a lot of calories. I did a little dancing and I was home by 10:30 p.m. or so. Yesterday I was a slug all day.

I am still struggling on the emotional front. I am still trying to fake it but it is emotionally draining to do that too. Still have not seen my mom. It was 23rd of last month the last time I saw her so about 3 weeks which is a long time for us. I know that I am agonizing over nothing about meeting up with her and I know I will feel better once I see her but in the meantime... Dave will be done with his program on 12/23. I was hoping he could stay at his moms house for a month so I could have the place to myself for a little while but it looks like the sale is going to go through and he will have to be out by the end of January. He does not want to stay there and I don't blame him at all. It would be way too depressing for me. He will be getting 1/5th of the sale of the house so he will be able to contribute to rent and bills. That has been one of the major issues we have had in our relationship. All I am asking for is 1/2 of all the bills and I don't think it unreasonable. I really think Dave has changed and just hope and pray that it a permanent change.

I have rambled enough for today so until next time...

Friday, December 11, 2009

Friday Fiddybits & 300

First of all I have my bugg on today so yay for that. I will be doing my best to track food this weekend as well. I don't have Internet at home (next month) so I won't be posting or uploading my bugg data but that is no excuse for not tracking it manually.

I peeked at the scale this morning and it is up. I did consume a fair amount of sodium (and brownies!) so I am going to attribute it to that. Hopefully I can get in some activities this weekend and have a decent weigh in next week.

Guess I will have to wait to post the pictures from last Christmas. I usually don't have trouble uploading pics or graphics but I haven't been able to do it for a few days now. Weird eh?

Got an email from Dave's sister. They listed his mothers house on Tuesday and by yesterday they already have two offers! That was quick huh? If it all goes as planned they will have to be out by January 31st or about 45 days. Dave grew up in that house and he is 58. It is just so sad to me. I am sure I will feel the same way when the time comes to sell my mom's home after she passes. It is the only home I've really known because we moved there when I was 3.

I am picking Dave up tonight and most likely will go to Target. Jo said her closest Target is an hour away! How sad is that!! There is a brand new one around the corner from where Dave is. Tomorrow is the Christmas party (Dave will not be going) and Sunday I have no concrete plans. I should go to the gym and write some Christmas cards. Maybe that will help me get in the mood for Christmas. I am a little bah humbug but trying the fake it till you make it method of attitude adjustment and it seems to be working a little...

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I will make sure to take lots of pics on Saturday at the party. Until next time...

P.S. This is my 300th post! Wowie! Who woulda thought...

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Tripping Along Thursday

Had my bodybugg on yesterday but then I forgot to put it on again this morning. Out of sight out of mind I guess... Bad Katie J...

I made a really nice dinner for my friend Tommy last night. We had a little spiff the night before so I wanted to make up for it. It was Chicken breast with Apple and Almond stuffing, baked potatoes and green beans AND for desert I made Ghiradelli Walnut brownies. OMG they were scrumptious! It was a great meal but I was sooo full afterwards.

Is anyone else having trouble uploading pictures? I was going to show you the pic from Christmas last year but I could not get it to upload. Blasted blogger!

I have to tell you how much I love FedEx! Last year, they started a program where you earn points for shipping with them. Well, I send a package every day to our corporate office so my points add up fairly quickly. Last year I won an iPod Shuffle (gave to Danielle) and this year I am getting a $100 Gift Card from Target! It will come tomorrow which is perfect timing. They said it would take 4-6 weeks but I got the tracking info yesterday. Woohoo! I PUFFY HEART TARGET!!! I just need to remember to not spend it all on ME. Until next time...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Winner Onderland

First of all I would like to thank all of you for entering my 1st giveaway. The winner of the DVD is Miss Mae Flowers at A Journey to Thin. Please email me at with your mailing address and I will get the DVD sent out ASAP. Congrats Mae! Hope you enjoy it!
Here is a list of the favorite workout DVDs/Tapes:

  • 30 Day Shred - Jillian Michaels (3 votes for this one)
  • Carmen Electra
  • Kari Anderson's 'Go'
  • ChaLean Extreme
  • Biggest Loser Cardio Max and Weight Loss Yoga
  • Leslie Sansome's Walking DVDs
  • Crunch Pick Your Spot by Ellen Barrett
  • Daisy Fuentes Totally Fit

Secondly, I wanted to give a big shout out to Katie over at A Thinner Katie. She just got to Onderland today and I am thrilled for her. Stop by if you have a chance and say hello!

In other news... I cancelled dinner with my mom tonight. I cried just thinking about it so I wrote her an email letting her know. I also screwed up on my meds (again!) so I am not going to weigh in this week. I am back OTK. I think I have done enough self-sabotaging for awhile. Last night I went to bowling and had fries with my turkey wrap and then had 2 or 3 refills of Lemonade and Tropical Punch. I never drink this kind of stuff but I was on a mission I guess. It just perplexes me how easily those old behaviors sneak right back in.

I have my bodybugg back on so that is a good thing (Thanks for the nudge Bearfriend!) I think I will go grocery shopping tonight. Need to stock up on a few things and it will help me from wanting to grab take away. Back to basics eh? Until next time...

P.S. I will update my profile picture this weekend. I will be going to a Christmas party at the Can't Say (bar) What is cool is I have pictures from last year so it will be good for comparison purposes.

Parley Tuesday

No screenshot again because I am still not wearing my bodybugg. I did well on food and activity yesterday until dinner time. I was tired and hungry and not in the mood to cook so I ended up going to McDonald's and having a burger and fries. Blech!! This is only the second time this year I have had a fast food burger so I don't feel too totally guilty about it but yuck yuck yuck. My tongue felt like it was coated in lard. The burger was good but I should have gone without the fries. It was definitely a self-sabotaging move but it is done and over with. Hopefully the scale goddess won't be too harsh on me tomorrow.

Thank you for all the comments and support regarding the Dave situation. Shelley, yours especially hit home. The gist of what she said was "I know you know this, but you are not responsible for where Dave lives, and if it is going to be weird for you then stand up for yourself...after all, if you don't put yourself first then WHO will?" I do have a tendency to put other peoples needs and wants before mine so I almost feel selfish you know what I mean?

Totally unrelated but there is this handsome gentleman who started chatting with me on Facebook. We have been messaging back and forth for a few weeks. He is my age, he an engineer and did I say he was handsome? He lives in southern California though... He mentioned coming up for a visit at Christmas. Holy Shamolians! How scary is that??? I have never met anyone in person that I met online. I think I would be open to it and it would be a nice distraction huh?

Reminder that today is the last day for Katie J's 1st Giveaway. I will announce the winner in tomorrow's post. Until next time...

Monday, December 7, 2009


Whew I survived the weekend... by the hair of my chiny chin chin let me tell you. I am emotionally drained to the maxie. Did some shopping and chillin on Saturday and then met up with Dave yesterday. I had written down the points I wanted to make so that I did not forget anything. I was able to speak my peace and it was recieved as well as can be expected. I don't know where it leaves us but I can say is I have done everything in my power to make this relationship work. He gets out of the "program" on December 23rd and I am not sure if he will be coming to my place to live or not. It might be a good idea (ya think?) to decide but I just don't have the cajones to just break it off so here I stay in limboland.

Last night my friend Tommy and I tried a new Mexican food restaurant and it was the bomb diggity! I have always liked ceviche and it is really hard to find it and if you do it isn't always good but here it was dynamite. I had two fish tacos that were also super tasty . I had breakfast and dinner both Saturday and Sunday. I did have a few Coronita's (baby Corona's) with my din din last night. We shall see on Wednesday how it plays out on the scale. Sidenote: I have not worn my bodybugg for a week.

Still have not talked to my mom. I feel bad but I am just not in the mental space to handle it or deal with the associated stress. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I just can't handle it right now...

In case you did not catch it yesterday Katie J is doing a Giveaway. It is open to ALL readers and all you need to do is leave a comment letting me know your favorite workout DVD/tape is. I will choose a random winner on Wednesday, December 9th and announce the winner on Thursday.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Katie J's doing a Giveaway!

No special reason except for the fact that someone out there should be getting some use out of this DVD. It is a bit more advanced then I can handle and I hate to see it just collecting dust.

All you need to do is leave a comment letting me know what your favorite workout DVD/Tape is. I will select a random winner next Wednesday, December 9th. I will ship International so anyone can enter. Good luck to you!

Until next time...

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Getting to know me...

Since I still don't have Internet at home I thought I would prepare a post in advance. I was poking around my computer at work and found this exercise so I thought I would share...

1. What was the last thing you ate? Sushi and Salmon
2. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Fuchsia
3. Do you prefer Coffee or Tea? Coffee
4. Favorite month of the year? June
5. Favorite food? Sushi
6. Where do you like to shop? Target and Dress Barn
7. What was the last movie you watched? 7 lbs.
8. What was your favorite toy as a child? Chatty Kathy
9. What is your favorite Season? Summer
10. What kind of music do you prefer? R&B or Adult Alternative
11. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
12. Do you have any pets? No
13. What was the last book you read? Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
14. What is your favorite candy? Almond Joy or Peppermint Bark
15. What is your dream vacation spot? Greece
16. Have you ever met a famous person? Who? Craig Stadler "The Walrus" (Pro golfer)
17. What are your hobbies? Singing, painting ceramics, reading
18. Who do you respect the most? My dad
19. Are you a 'morning' or 'night' person? night
20. How many miles do you drive to work? 6

One of these days, I need to write a post about going to weight loss camps as a kid. I went to two of them. One at 13 years old and then again at 16. It is an interesting story and I had pretty much pushed it to the back of my brain (bad teenage years) but think it would be a relevant story now. Stay tuned for that.

I know it is going to be a very emotional weekend. As of late, when I have been getting stressed or overwhelmed it is making me NOT eat which has it's benefits but I can't do it being diabetic because my blood sugar dips too low. I will do the best to take care of myself though. Hope you are having a pleasant weekend. Until next time...

Friday, December 4, 2009

Floundering Friday

I found my bodybugg in the car. I have yet to put it on but I did enter my calories consumed and I had 2326 cals for the day. Damn that is so much more then what I should be doing but I wasn't way out of control or anything. I had KFC for dinner though and that added up. I had the Grilled chicken with cole slaw and corn.

Little Miss Caitlyn Burke awarded me an Honest Scrap award. Thank you Caitlyn! I am going to cheat a little though and just elaborate on a list I posted previously.
  1. I have two tattoos. A hibiscus flower and the Sun. The hibiscus flower is on my right ankle and the sun is on my left upper thigh near the bottom of my butt. When I reach my 100 lbs. lost I plan to get a trail of ladybugs somewhere. I have not decided exactly where. Maybe across the top of my right foot walking towards the flower or along the small of my back. I have a little while to think about it.
  2. I have 7 holes in my ears but only wear one pair of earrings now. I also used to have my right nipple pierced but I took it out because I did not want my mother to know and we were going to be travelling by plane and I thought that it would signal the alarm. After we returned, I could not get the ring back in. There is still a hole where it was.
  3. I am obsessed with cleaning my ears. I have to tell myself NOT to clean them more then once a day.
  4. I love the color Pink (you may know this!) and have more pink clothes and pink items then anyone I know. My phone, wallet, calendar, checkbook, notepad, pill box, lipstick are all p-i-n-k. My purse is black though :-)
  5. I have lived within a 15 mile radius my whole life. Right now I am 12 miles away from the house I grew up in (mom lives there)
  6. I strongly dislike wintergreen anything. It reminds me of Pepto Bismol which reminds me of puking etc. so if I even catch a whiff of it, I gag.
  7. I have had the same best friend for 25 years (Hi Deb!) I was hanging out at a gas station when I met her (don't ask)
  8. I have a reoccurring dream of dying in a fire but yet I smoke and I burn candles daily.
  9. I don't like gravy of any kind (which is probably a good thing) and prefer that my food not touch. I have a habit of eating one item at a time and then move over to the next one. Usually the order would be salad or veggie, starch then meat.
  10. I was adopted when I was 6 months old. I lived in foster care until that time and the foster parents named me May.

Thanks again doll for thinking of me! You guys just don't know how grateful, thankful, honored and humbled I am that you read about my little life and take the time to comment and give me accolades. I never would have thought when I started out blogging that it would have such wonderful benefits. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

So... tonight is my BFF Debby's birthday. She has invited Dave and I over to dinner. Tonight is his first night off restriction (30 days) so I will be going to pick him up at 6:00 p.m. If we go to her house then I will get a reprieve from the big "talk" but if we don't go then I will have to face the music. I am imagining he will want to go to their house but it remains to be seen...

I have been fairly productive with getting my bedroom in order. I am down to 2 loads of laundry which is great considering I had 11 loads total! Part of the deal is that a lot of the clothes did not fit me before so I have been able to wear a bunch more things lately and that added to it. Plus I got so used to Dave doing it that I got lazy and avoided it for a few weeks. Now that I have it in control again I am going to do my darndest to keep it that way.

No big plans for the weekend. I still am not up to seeing my mother. She may angle for a visit but I am going to deflect. Danielle would like to go to Kohl's at some point. I would really like to get my fat arse to the gym... I keep saying it and keep floundering around about it... I will choose my battles at this point.

Well I guess I rambled on enough for today. Hope you all have a fantastic weekend! Until next time...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Tattered Thursday

Disclaimer: Another cheery post ahead - Well my bugg is still MIA so no screen shot. I think it is in my car but I am not 100% sure. It could be at home in my bedroom... I feel like a buffoon for not knowing where it is.

I am feeling a little better today. A little less fuzzy headed. I am drinking coffee which is a good sign. I can't drink coffee when my belly is funky so I substitute with tea. I have to have some form of caffeine or my head will explode.

Saw Dave for a few minutes at my lunch time yesterday. I was dropping off some Oil of Old Lady for him (lol) and some other stuff for donations. It was good to see him even if it was for just a few minutes. I am just really agonizing about talking to him on Friday. I will pick him up at 6:00 p.m. and he has to be back by 10:45.

I haven't seen my mom for a week now. Highly unusual for us to go that long without talking. We do email so I know she is okay. I just don't have it in me to see her right now. I have to sort some of this stuff in my head before I can summon the energy to see her. Maybe this weekend... I can't avoid her forever. Until next time...

P.S. I really want to update my profile picture. I am nearly 20 lbs. lighter now and I think it is evident in my face. (Note to self: Update pics!)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wilted Wednesday

I can't believe it has been a whole week since I posted anything. Since starting the blog in February, I have not taken that long of a break between posts. It did give me the perspective though that I am a whole bunch more accountable when I am here posting. I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving and long weekend.

I really don't know where to begin but... Picked my brother up at the airport on Wednesday night. I was stressed and tired and decided it would be easier to go alone. I also opted out of having dinner with them that night. Then on Thanksgiving, I did not want to have dinner with them and sent a text at the last minute. I ended up having a full dinner at the bar. Friday, they were going to the movies to see The Blind Side and I did not go with them. Then Saturday was the memorial service for my friend and the wedding for my brother. I drank a lot and felt pretty green Sunday. My brother was taking off Sunday morning so I took him to the airport and dropped him off. I hung out most of the day and had pizza for dinner Sunday night. I don't know what it was on the pizza but I have felt sick for 2 days. Today, I am back at work but I am still woozy and I have a headache.

I am emotionally and physically beat up right now. I have some decisions to make regarding my future and I don't know if I have the capacity to do that right now. Some of it has to to with Dave. He will be getting out of his program on December 23rd and will be coming to stay at my apt. I have really enjoyed my freedom and need to know that BIG changes will happen or otherwise it won't work... I will see him for the first time in a month this Friday so we can talk some then. He sounds like he has changed but it is hard to trust after some of the heartache he has put me through before. I will elaborate more on this in another post but one of the biggest roadblocks is our age difference. I am 43 and he is 58. I still have lots of ambition and drive in me. I am not ready to settle down and sit on my haunches watching the rest of my life go by... UGH!!!

The good news is that the scale did not move. I am still at 257. I think this definitely is the first Thanksgiving I did not gain at least 5 lbs.