Chilly Willy!

Had a good night last night. Dave picked up chicken tacos for me from La Paloma. I had never had them and they were tasty! Will be getting them again for sure.  We went on a brief walk around the block. I am trying to change my thinking with that. I used to think that it had to be a least a 1/2 hour or nothing and that is just not the case. As long as you are out there moving, it is better then none at all, right? Every little bit helps.

Alexia was teasing me yesterday about it being cold in California. She joked that it was 70 degrees and cold. It has been unseasonably cold here lately and I am just not used to it. It has been in the upper 40s during the day when it is normally in the 60s. It gets below freezing at night. I am not being a wuss, I am just saying. What has also changed is my tolerance for temperatures. When I was at my heaviest I ran warm/hot all the time. I barely wore a jacket in the winter. Now I am sensitive to it. I have scarves, mittens, hats and now ear muffs to help me through. Until next time...



P.S. I am planning a Giveaway soon so stay tuned!

Back to Business

Hellloooooo! How was your holiday weekend?  Mine was good. Damn cold but good! I completely forgot about the Hot 100 Challenge Update on Friday. I am sure I am not the only one:

My update for the Hot 100 #9

1. I will lose 2 lbs. per week. I lost 1 lb (261)
2. I will wear my bodybugg from 7:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. daily. I wore it 5/7 days 
3. Iwill exercise a min. of 30 mins - 5 days per week. I did 5 days this week

I am quite pleased. Not that it is a big loss or anything but I have been making an effort to keep active every day and it's paying off. I also measured recently and I have lost 4.5 inches since I last measured in February.

Neck -1"
Chest -2"
Up. Arm -.5"
Waist -1"

Another measurement that the bodybugg tracks is lean mass and fat mass. I have increased my lean mass by 10.3 lbs. This is something I need to research more. I want to understand how they can compute that number. I will let you know what I come up with. Until next time...
 

Dance in the Rain

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass

It is about learning to dance in the rain.

Happy Thanksgiving!

May you have a blessed Thanksgiving. Hope you enjoy your time with your friends and family.

Thanksgiving Eve

Yesterday was a fairly good day. We had planned on going to the big gym but I wussed out. I was just tired and cold and wanted to go home. (wah wah wah!) I did take a peek at the Zumba Fitness DVD for about 15 minutes and liked what I saw. It was easy to follow and the music was great. We made Bacon, Mushroom & Swiss burgers for dinner and they were dynamite! Baby bellas are my new friend!

It is going to be quiet here at work. I should have taken the day off! Oh well, hind sight is 20-20. I will use the time to do some filing/organzing at my desk and around the office.

Since we are not cooking at home, there is not a whole lot of prep happening. I will be making a pumpkin bread tonight but that is about it.  The prep we are doing is cleaning up the place so my Mom can come by and see it before we go to dinner. Dinner is across the street from where we live. How handy is that eh?

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for standing by me and rooting me on. I could NOT have made it through the last year without you all. May you have a blessed Thanksgiving and enjoy the time you spend with your friends and family. Until next time...

I've been thinking...

Had a good day yesterday but did not make it to the little gym at lunch time. Dave’s shoulder has been bothering him (torn rotator cuff) so we decided to give it a rest. Food was fine. I had an Apple Pecan Chicken Salad from Wendy’s for dinner WITHOUT bleu cheese. I had one the other day but they neglected to remove the bleu cheese so I got it for FREE. Can’t beat a free dinner right? Plus they are super tasty and filling. I failed after dinner though. I had a slice of Cranberry Orange bread for dessert and it put me over my daily allotment by 3%.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately (I know – dangerous!) and working through a lot of emotional stuff that has kept me overweight all these years. In doing this, I have come to a decision. I don’t think I want to pursue a relationship with Bruce, my biological father. It has been weighing heavy on me the last month or so, since I met him really. I am glad I met him and got some closure on some lifetime questions and that was great but in the grand scheme of things I think it will be counterproductive.

At first, I thought I could help him. I still think he needs someone to advocate for him but I don’t think it is me. I have written him twice asking him to allow the staff there to give me information so I can help him but he has not authorized them to do so. I asked him to get a phone so we (bio-siblings) could communicate with him. He was resistant to that too saying that $8 per month was too expensive. Not sure if it happened or not but I don’t have a phone number for him (other then the facility number) Maybe I am being impatient as it has only been a month or so but I have other things that I really need to focus my attention and energy on like my health/weight, my Mom, Dave, my siblings and my friends.

I had a wonderful father who loved me unconditionally. He was my biggest cheerleader and I was so blessed to have been adopted by him and my mother. Of course, no life is perfect and we had our ups and downs especially when I was a teen but all in all I have had it pretty darn easy. My father passed away in 1999 (I was 32) and I miss him dearly, even now. The pain does get easier with time but it never goes away, that is for sure, especially during the holidays.

It has been my M.O. in the past to take on “others” problems instead of focusing on my own issues. I would get kudos for helping others but it did nothing for my health and well-being which I kept ignoring. Finally the alarms went off in my head telling me that I could no longer ignore my own issues and I was unhappy and 315 lbs. I had to become selfish and start saying “NO” when others asked me for help. I didn’t like it. It is the eternal people pleaser in me but I HAD to do it or else.

I am glad that I came to this conclusion before I entrenched myself in helping Bruce. I may keep in contact with him periodically and send Christmas cards and the like but it just doesn’t factor into my life at this point. Until next time…

P.S. Shutterfly is offering 50 Free Holiday cards to bloggers. Check the offer out here!

Psuedo Wednesday

Hello my lovelies! How was your weekend? Mine was good actually! Saturday, Dave and I went to 24hr fitness! OMG, I can hardly believe we went LOL! I was interested in trying a rowing machine but was afraid to try it by myself so Dave helped me and off I went. I really liked it! It felt like a great workout and I was sweating up a storm. I totally felt like I was getting my aggressions out too! I also tried some machines that I haven't been on before and dug those too! We are going back to 24 hr fitness tomorrow after work. I would love to have Dave be a member but not sure what the cost would be. I know it is cheaper if you just go to one club. Maybe I will inquire with them.

As for the rest of the weekend, I pretty much hibernated. I did a few productive things around the apt. like lining shelves and hanging some pictures but that was about it. It was stormy all weekend so it was good napping weather.

I am getting my hair cut after work tonight. We have a few projects at home that need attention before my mom visits sees our place onThursday so we will focus on those tonight. Until next time...

Shopping Spree or Addiction?

My name is Katie J and I have a shopping addiction. I have joked about this in the past but it really is not a laughing matter.  I think there is also a correlation between addictions. I have had other addictions in the past and have been able to control/overcome them so I think that by me admitting my shopping addiction, it is the first step in recovering. I have been in debt twice and successfully paid it off. The 1st time it was about $12K and the second time was about $5K.  It took me awhile forever to pay them off but I did pay them off by going through a debt management company.  I haven't had to declare bankruptcy but I definitely should have more savings then I do. I currently do not have any credit cards so there is no temptation there. I have a workbook that I received through the debt management company that teaches you about your spending habits and how to establish a budget etc. so I am going to make it my goal to complete it over the 4 day weekend next week.

I came across this article at WebMd and thought it was very interesting. It was written by Heather Hatfield

From hitting the mall with your girlfriends on a Saturday afternoon, to holiday spending on gifts that go under the tree, shopping could be called one of America's favorite pastimes.

For most people, it means some new clothes for work or a small trinket for a friend. For others, however, shopping is much more than an enjoyable pastime, and in some cases, it is a real and destructive addiction that can turn into a financial disaster.

"Compulsive shopping and spending are defined as inappropriate, excessive, and out of control," says Donald Black, MD, professor of psychiatry at the University of Iowa College of Medicine. "Like other addictions, it basically has to do with impulsiveness and lack of control over one's impulses. In America, shopping is embedded in our culture; so often, the impulsiveness comes out as excessive shopping."

Sometimes referred to as "shopoholism," shopping addiction can wreak havoc on a person's life, family, and finances. Experts explain to WebMD why shopping can be so addictive, what the warning signs are, and how to stop the cycle of spending.

Reinforced Shopping
"No one knows what causes addictive behaviors, like shopping, alcoholism, drug abuse, and gambling," says Ruth Engs, EdD, a professor of applied health science at Indiana University. "Some of the new evidence suggests that some people, maybe 10%-15%, may have a genetic predisposition to an addictive behavior, coupled with an environment in which the particular behavior is triggered, but no one really knows why."

While the origin of addictions remains uncertain, why addicts continue their destructive behaviors is better understood.

"Individuals will get some kind of high from an addictive behavior like shopping," says Engs. "Meaning that endorphins and dopamine, naturally occurring opiate receptor sites in the brain, get switched on, and the person feels good, and if it feels good they are more likely to do it -- it's reinforced."

So what are the telltale signs that shopping has crossed the line and become an addiction?

Shopoholism
"There are certainly a lot of commonalities among shopoholics and other addicts," says Engs. "For instance, while alcoholics will hide their bottles, shopoholics will hide their purchases." What else should a concerned family member or friend look out for when they think shopping has become a problem?

Spending over budget. "Often times a person will spend over their budget and get into deep financial trouble, spending well above their income," says Engs. "The normal person will say, 'Oops, I can't afford to buy this or that.' But not someone who has an addiction," explains Engs -- he or she will not recognize the boundaries of a budget.

Compulsive buying. "When a person with a shopping addiction goes shopping, they often compulsively buy, meaning they go for one pair of shoes and come out with 10."

It's a chronic problem. "A shopping addiction is a continuous problem," says Engs. "It's more than two or three months of the year, and more than a once-a-year Christmas spree."

Hiding the problem. "Shopoholics will hide their purchases because they don't want their significant other to know they bought it because they'll be criticized," says Engs. "They may have secret credit card accounts, too. Because this problem affects mostly women, as alcoholism affects mostly men, husbands will all of sudden be told their wife is $20,000-$30,000 in debt and they are responsible, and many times, this comes out in divorce."

A vicious circle. "Some people will take their purchases back because they feel guilty," says Engs. "That guilt can trigger another shopping spree, so it's a vicious circle." And in these people, debt may not be an issue because they're consistently returning clothes out of guilt -- but a problem still exists.

Impaired relationships. "It is not uncommon for us to see impairments in relationships from excessive spending or shopping," says Rick Zehr, vice president of addiction and behavioral services at Proctor Hospital at the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery. "Impairment can occur because the person spends time away from home to shop, covers up debt with deception, and emotionally and physically starts to isolate themselves from others as they become preoccupied with their behavior."

Clear consequences. "It's just like any other addiction -- it has nothing to do with how much a person shops or spends, and everything to do with consequences," says Zehr. "We often get the question around the holidays that because a person spent more money than she intended, does this make her an addict? The answer is no. However, if there is a pattern or a trend or consequences that occur with excessive shopping then the person may be a problem spender -- the hallmark is still loss of control. If they are no longer in control of their shopping but their shopping is in control of them, they've crossed the line."
 
According to Zehr, these behaviors can also signal a serious problem:

• Shopping or spending money as a result of feeling angry, depressed, anxious, or lonely
• Having arguments with others about one's shopping habits
• Feeling lost without credit cards -- actually going into withdrawal without them
• Buying items on credit, rather than with cash
• Describing a rush or a feeling of euphoria with spending
• Feeling guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed after a spending spree
• Lying about how much money was spent. For instance, owning up to buying something, but lying about how much it actually cost
• Thinking obsessively about money
• Spending a lot of time juggling accounts or bills to accommodate spending

"If someone identifies four or more of any of these behaviors, there may be a problem," Zehr explains to WebMD.

Seeking Addiction Help
When a friend or family member recognizes a shopping addiction, start by getting professional help.

"The first thing to do is to seek help, and that can occur at different levels," says Zehr. "For the spouse, family member, or friend who is concerned, an intervention is always a good idea. Also, find the closest Debtors Anonymous, which is a 12-step program that will be important for ongoing maintenance and support. And get credit counseling, as many of the people who seek treatment at our facility have an average debt as a result of their addiction of around $70,000." <--- yikes!!!

Recognize, as well, that treating a shopping addiction requires a multifaceted approach.

"There are no standard treatments for shopping addiction," says Black. "Medications have been used, generally antidepressants that treat, in some cases, the underlying issue of depression in someone with an addiction, but with mixed results. Therapists also focus on cognitive-behavioral treatment programs, and credit or debt counseling can be very helpful to some people, as well."

Black explains that there is no quick and easy answer that will immediately cure a shopping addiction, and while treatment is a necessary part of solving the problem, so is behavior change on the part of the addict.

"With some patients, I tell them they should have a self-proposed ban on shopping, and with others, some of my very worst cases, I tell them they should have someone else controlling their finances for them," says Black.

Black recommends some basic changes in behavior that will have a big impact on breaking a shopping addiction:

• Admit that you are a compulsive spender, which is half the battle
• Get rid of checkbooks and credit cards, which fuel the problem
• Don't shop by yourself because most compulsive shoppers shop alone and if you are with someone you are much less likely to be spend
• Find other meaningful ways to spend time

And keep in mind that while behavior change is clearly crucial to recovery, so is reaching out for help.

"While I recommend starting with a psychiatric evaluation, you can also find out what resources are in your area, and where you, a relative, or friend can start to get help," says Engs.

Don't Quit!

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!

Go Me - Zumba Wii - Hot 100 #8

I had a good day yesterday! Dave met me at lunch time and I ate my sandwich and then we went to the workout room in my building! Can you believe it? I rode a mile on the bike and then did upper body machines. We had about a 1/2 hour or so to work out. After work, I went to my moms and took care of her paperwork. So glad to get that out of the way. I did pass on going out to dinner though.

Here is my update for the Hot 100 #8

1. I will lose 2 lbs. per week. I lost 0 lbs (262)
2. I will wear my bodybugg from 7:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. daily. I wore it 5/7
3. I will exercise a min. of 30 mins - 5 days per week. I did 3 days this week

Even though I did not lose, I am feeling a renewed sense of motivation and hoping it continues! It sounds so cliche but if I look at it day to day, like what exercise am I going to get today - it is not as overwhelming as how much can I get in this week know what I mean?

Not sure if you knew but there is a new "game" for the Wii and it's Zumba Fitness! It is brand new -just released yesterday. I pre-ordered it through Amazon and will be receiving it next week. I am SO excited. My two favorite activities in one game! Woohoo! I will write a formal review once I get it and use it. This is what it said on Amazon:

Zumba Fitness is an exercise game and program for Wii that taps into the Zumba dance-exercise craze that has swept the nation. Surprisingly challenging, and addictively fun, the 30 heart-pounding Zumba routines that make up Zumba Fitness utilize the motion sensing capabilities of the Wii Remote or Wii Remote Plus controller which work along with the exclusive Wii Remote belt, included with the game, to create a fun but result-producing workout. Additional features include: 4-player support, including a two-on-two co-op option; multiple skill levels along with a training level; multiple in-game instructors and venues.

Nothing formal planned for the weekend. I need to do some cleaning/straightening because my mom is seeing our place for the 1st time on Thanksgiving before we go to dinner.  We are also going to the gym come hell or high water! on Saturday. I want Dave to spot me on some machines that I have not used before. I also want to scope out a punching bag. I really would like to do some boxing.  I am not sure if I have the endurance yet to do a Cardio Kickboxing class. I suppose I could just try it and see how I do. Sunday, I may go see Bruce but will call him on Saturday to see if he is up for it. My uncle Steve has invited us over the hill for dinner on Friday. He said I could bring Bruce. Not sure if Bruce will be interested in going but we will see. It will be a lot of driving to go get him and then drive 90 miles each way. Not the end of the world but it is a lot of driving. Steve has not seen Bruce in over 40 years because he was in the military around the time I was born. Should make for an interesting visit eh? Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Until next time...

Friday Eve

I am sipping a cup of Starbuck's Thanksgiving blend and it is delightful! Can't wait to try the 2010 Christmas blend! I have heard it is really good. I am a java junkie at heart :-)

Had a good night last night. As soon as I got home from work, Dave and I went on a ride/walk. It was his idea and instead of me coming home, changing and settling in for the night, I changed into workout wear and hit the street. Worked out much better then trying to go after dinner. We had chicken, mashed potatoes and string beans for dinner. I used Shake 'n Bake with Parmesan cheese. Delish!  I went to bed around 9:30 p.m. This time change makes me so sleepy!

I need to go to my mom's tonight to work on some stuff. I can't keep making excuses for not going over there. I just need to put my big girl panties on and get over it. Dinner will most likely be Fish Market.

By the way, I got 60 ozs. of water in yesterday. It was an effort but I think it is worth it in the long run. Here are the top reasons we should drink our water:

1. Lose weight: Drinking water helps you lose weight because it flushes down the by-products of fat breakdown. Drinking water reduces hunger, it’s an effective appetite suppressant so you’ll eat less. Plus, water has zero calories.
2. Natural Remedy for Headache: Helps to relieve headache and back pains due to dehydration. Although there are many other reasons contribute to headache, dehydration is the common one.
3. Look Younger with Healthier Skin: You’ll look younger when your skin is properly hydrated. Water helps to replenish skin tissues, moisturizes skin and increase skin elasticity.
4. Better Productivity at Work: Your brain is mostly made up of water, thus drinking water helps you think better, be more alert and more concentrate.
5. Better Exercise: Drinking water regulates your body temperature. You’ll feel more energetic when doing exercises and water helps to fuel your muscle.
6. Helps in Digestion and Constipation: Drinking water raises your metabolism because it helps in digestion. Fiber and water goes hand in hand so that you can have your daily bowel movement 
7. Less Cramps and Sprains: Proper hydration helps keep your joints and muscles lubricated, so you’ll less likely get cramps and sprains.
8. Less Likely to Get Sick and Feel Healthy: Drinking plenty of water helps fight against flu and other ailments like kidney stones and heart attack.
9. Relieves Fatigue: Water is used by the body to help flush out toxins and waste products from the body. If your body lacks of water, your heart, for instance, need to work harder to pump out the oxygenated blood to all cells, so are the rest of the vital organs, your organs will be exhausted and so are you.
10. Reduce the Risk of Cancer: Related to the digestive system, some studies show that drinking a healthy amount of water may reduce the risks of bladder cancer and colon cancer. Water dilutes the concentration of cancer-causing agents in the urine and shortens the time in which they are in contact with bladder lining.

Until next time...



P.S. Sean at Diary of a Winning Loser hit goal yesterday!! He has lost 275 lbs! Go over and read his post here.

Hump Day

Thank you SO MUCH for the positive feedback on yesterday's post. It was really is humbling to read.  I am feeling a whole lot better today both mentally and physically -- thank goodness.  I took care of some things that were looming over my head so that helped. Also getting a little extra rest helped - I went to bed at 9:30 last night.

Do any of you eat Hamburger Helper? General Mills passed on this coupon to give to my readers. I have not had Hamburger Helper in years myself. I wonder if they have added new flavors since I ate it last.

I have a hard time drinking water regularly. I have my coffee EVERY morning but rarely do I drink water during the day. We have water delivered to our office so I have fresh water available AND it is hot/cold. In an effort to get more water down my pie hole, I bought this cute cup.  So far it seems to be helping me at least get a few more ounces down.  Why is it that some people have no trouble drinking water?? Wish I was one of them!

The plan for tonight is to make chicken with mashed potatoes and green beans. We also need to do some organizing around the place. The restaurant we are going to for Thanksgiving is right across from where we live so I want my mom to see our apartment. She has not seen it since we moved in (August) Walking is on the agenda as well. Hope you are having a good week! Until next time...

P.S. Sean at Diary of a Winning Loser hit his goal this morning!! Go over and read his post here.

Post #600

Hard to believe that I have written 600 posts. Especially for the fact that I never considered myself a writer. I have definitely improved my writing skills through my blog. I consider myself fairly tech savvy but I have also learned quite a few technical things from blogging too.

I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. It is not one particular thing but a combination of things. My , finances, my mother, Dave, work, bio family. It has really been emotionally taxing. In the past, I chose food to numb the pain and stress but with my new lifestyle it is not an option.  I have found, however, that those habits can slowly slip back into the scene. Last night Dave brought home my crab tostada and I usually only finish half because it is pretty big. Well last night I was upset about finances and I gorged out on the salad and chips and had dessert after that! I was full when I went to bed and I was belly aching this morning and it has been awhile since I have felt like that. I used to have this feeling often but boy oh boy I do not miss it. Blerghh...

But alas, today is a new day. Have I mentioned there is a workout room on site where I work? It is fairly small but does have everything one would need for a good workout. I have access to it 24/7 and have I ever used it??? That would be a NO! I went to check it out yesterday because they had recently remodeled it. I am going to make it a goal to workout at least once there this week. I could have lunch in the courtyard and then workout for 20-30 mins and then go back to work. All I need is to bring workout clothes. I have shoes in my car. Hope you have a good day! Until next time...

Monday Not My Fun Day

Good morning bloggy peeps! How goes it? Hope you had a nice weekend! Mine was pretty good. Saturday I did organizing type stuff around our apt. and Dave and I went to my mothers house to help her with her computer and to trim a few branches. While we were there, I scanned this picture of me on her new scanner/printer. It was me when I was 21 years old half my life ago. I remember that dress being a size 16. What I wouldn't give to be a Size 16 now!

Sunday was a beautiful day in the neighborhood. I had planned on going to see Bruce but decided against it.  We (neighbors and I) rode our bikes to the grocery story and we also tried Pinkberry. I had never heard of it until they put in a new store by our place. This is what I had and it was only 150 calories (sans the whip cream) I got the mini . The one pictured here is a small. It was good and not too sweet. Nikki got the Pomegranate one and it was tasty too!

I did pretty good on food over the weekend until last night. I forgot to eat lunch yesterday and ended up binging out in the evening. It was on cereal bars and string cheese but I definitely did not need to eat them.

Not sure what is on the agenda tonight. I got a new hat for night time exercising so I will try to model it for you. Oh and guess what color it is? LOL!! Dave wants to go watch Monday Night Football at La Paloma's so we will be hanging there for a few. I will have my usual crab tostada without the shell.

Body Image Issues

I think every person at one time or another has had body image issues. I know I certainly do. While I know my body is changing for the better there are still parts that I loathe and may never make peace with but I digress.

The other day I was hanging out with my neighbor Lu who has a 10 year old daughter, Nicky.  Nicky has a 12 year old friend named Helen who's mother's name is Mimi. Both girls are a little on the heavy side but not out of control.  Lu has instilled a positive body image into Nicky but Mimi keeps telling Helen how "fat" she is and says "you need lose weight" in front of everyone while we are hanging out. 

After further discussions, I discovered that the negative comments stem from Mimi's husband. Mimi is of Korean decent and weighs about 120 lbs soaking wet. She is not EVEN slightly overweight but her husband says to her "You too fat!" and so she is passing on this negative mindset to Helen. It makes me mad sad to hear it and it brought back memories of my younger years. I tried to explain to Mimi that it may have a negative effect on Helen and that she may resort to bingeing/purging or retaliate by eating more and that it was not a good thing.  I even told her that I was going to get some information for her and translate it into Korean so she will understand. Now, I am not a parent and don't claim to be an expert but I have been overweight most of my life and I know all too well what comments like that can do to your body image.

Hoping to get out to the gym today! Otherwise it is a get organized kinda day. Until next time...

Hot 100 Update #7 and POA

Had a good night last night. We had steak, potatoes and spinach for dinner with lemon cake for dessert. Dave and I watched Toy Story 3 and it was super cute! I was looking up information on calories for our deserts and I came across this Exercise Plan on Calorie Count. I am going to follow it over the next 12 weeks as prescribed. I have all the tools in the world to exercise but I never have a "plan" and I think this will be a good place to start. I know I need to do it but getting started is the hard part you know what I mean?

Here is my feeble excuse of an update:

1. I will lose 2 lbs. per week. I lost zip, zilch, nada,  (262)
2. I will wear my bodybugg from 7:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. daily. I wore it 5/7
3. I will exercise a min. of 30 mins - 5 days per week. I did 2 days

I am hoping that by incorporating the new exercise plan I can get the scale to start moving again.  I know that quitting this WL journey is not an option but after so long being at the same weight it is getting discouraging.

My only concrete plan for this weekend is to exercise. Dave may have the day off tomorrow so if he does, we will want to make the most of it. May go see Bruce (bio-father) on Sunday. He has agreed to get a phone so that is a step in the right direction. Hope you all have a great weekend! Until next time...

Attention

I did not go see my mom. My nose was dripping madly and I basically did not want to deal with going over there. I feel like a L-O-S-E-R for cancelling on her but I will get over it. Had Chinese food for dinner at my neighbors. I used a small plate and did not over do it. One of the 1st times I did not completely gorge on it so that was good. The bad part is how do you enter that into the bodybugg? LOL!

I have been getting some extra male attention lately and it feels pretty darn good. Especially in light of what has been going on with Dave lately. I was getting a complex that I was no longer an attractive/desirable person. Part of it I believe is my self-confidence is slowly increasing and I am holding my head higher. I think I am more approachable. Back in the depths of despair when I was at my heaviest, I could barely look anybody in the eyes so I think people backed off but now they look at me differently and actually approach me. I am getting better at accepting compliments too. I am making a diligent effort not to reply with a snarky put down of myself. Some habits are hard to break...

Please take a moment this Veterans Day to think about the sacrifices made by the members of the Armed Forces both living and passed. My dad was a  Korean War veteran who was disabled (paraplegic) due to a gunshot wound.  He passed away in 1999 and is buried in the Garden of Honor at the Los Gatos Cemetery near my mom's house. Until next time...

Run Away

How are you guys doing this week? I am hanging in there. Food has been fairly good but I have been off on my exercise go figure. I am getting a little but nothing to write home about. I think this is the key to the remaining weight I need to lose. I have lost as much as I am going to doing what I am doing. Even though I have maintained over the last few months frickin year my body has changed. Muscle has replaced fat in quite a few places. I need to do measurements to confirm but I can tell in the way my clothes fit and my posture.

These are my new running shoes. Cute eh? They are on sale at Kohl's for $59.99 and I have a 15% off coupon.  My other athletic shoes were not designed for running so that is why I am getting these. I figured if I was going to incoporate jogging/running into my repitiore then I should have the proper shoes.  The issue I have with running is the bouncing. I wear two bras (one reg. one sport) so my boobs don't bounce too much but my belly sure does. Does anyone else have this belly bouncing problem? What do you do about it?  It is annoying as all hell!

Most likely will go to my mom's tonight and go to the Fish Market. Always a healthy meal there. Seeing my mom lately has been extra draining. I love her with all my heart but she can be very trying sometimes. Her vision is getting worse and it is causing her to be depressed which is totally understandable. It just takes me extra energy to see her and I am struggling myself - does that make sense? Until next time...

Flashback and Answers

Taken @ Camp LaJolla circa 1980

When I went through the chest of drawers over the weekend I also found this picture. I was attending Camp La Jolla at the time.  I am on the left with the light blue top and skirt. I was 13 years old and weighed about 150 lbs. That is where I should be based on my height and age now.  It is hard for me to imagine what it will be like to be that size again but it is going to happen come hell or high water!

I was on another blog (can't recall which one) and these questions were asked and so I usurped them for my post today. I challenge you to answer these questions yourself and you may be surprised at the answers:

1.       What was your highest weight, what do you weigh right now and what is your goal weight?

  
My highest weight on record was 315 lbs. and right now I weigh 260.  I would ultimately like to get down to  
140-150 lbs.

2.       What is your #1 motivation for losing weight?

                   Health reasons. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and prescribed a CPAP machine.

3.       Have you always been overweight?

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. There have been periods where it was somewhat controlled but it was during my teen years when I went to weight loss camp. I have been obese or morbidly obese my whole adult life.

4.       When you want to give up, what keeps you motivated?

Keeping my eye on the prize. Knowing I have made some major progress. Seeing others achieve their WL goals.

5.       What is the #1 thing you are looking forward to at Goal Weight?

I want to have professional pictures done. Being overweight, I have always avoided cameras and I want to celebrate my new self with pictures galore

6.       Do you have support on your WL Journey?

I am blessed to have a good support system regarding my WL. Everyone has encouraged and complimented me along the way. Of course, you blog readers are an integral part of my success thus far as well.

7.       What is your favorite exercise?

I love to dance! Zumba or any other form of dancing makes me want to shake my booty J

8.       What is the most important thing you have learned on your WL Journey?

That progress is a good thing and perfection is not achievable. No one is perfect and expecting perfection is a recipe for disaster and disappointment.

9.       What is one thing that you have given up that you miss?

Corona’s with lime and salt.

10.    What is your strategy for losing weight?

I am using the bodybugg to track my calories and activities. Having that data helps me make better choices.  My goal currently is to achieve a 1,000 calorie deficit daily.

Until next time...



Lessons to Learn

How are you all doing? Did you have a good weekend? I actually had a good one despite the fact it could have been a major disaster.  First of all let me say that I did not wear the bugg most of the weekend and I don't have it on this morning (bad girl!) so no screen shots.

Friday I had a major meltdown. Dave and I got in a feud and it pushed me over the edge! I think that all the emotion I have been sorting out the last few months just came bubbling to the top. I was still at work when it happened but I discovered that I could not pull it together enough to resume work so I left early.  I raced home and he was there and we had it out BIG TIME. Like move your shit stuff out and leave kinda fight.  Change your Relationship Status to Single on Facebook kinda fight. He had to leave to go umpire so I hung out with my neighbors until he got home. We had a long, calm conversation when he got home and we really got to the heart of what was going on. It was raw emotion and I let it go. I sobbed and sobbed until I could not sob anymore. Bottom line: For the time being we are going to try to make it work. We have a plan and hopefully we can work through it.

Saturday I played Wii with the neighbor kids and did some cleaning around the house. Sunday it rained so Dave and I hung out all day. We did go out a few times to run errands but it was rainy and cold so it was a good day to stay inside. I went through a chest of drawers that I am going to refinish soon and came across this picture.

Do you know who it is........? It is Ursula the Sea Witch from The Little Mermaid. This is the best costume I have ever worn. When I went out trick or treating the kids would either be scared of me or flock to be by me. What you can't see in the pic is the tentacles. We stuffed plastic bags into black nylons and then spray painted them with silver glitter. It was fun finding this picture. I want to figure out the scanner on my mom's new printer so I can scan a collage of pictures of me at various weights and ages. Until next time...

Bad Girl

CSN Review: 33 Piece Bakeware Set

I was contacted by CSN Stores to do a review of their products as well as doing a Giveaway (previously) I have had nothing but a postive experience with the CSN Stores and their staff. I had a $55 gift certificate and ended up buying this 33 piece set of Glass Bakeware from Anchor Hocking. The ordering proccess was smooth and the shipping was very timely. Their prices are quite competitive too so I had a number of options but this particular set suited our needs. What I really like are the 8 small bowls to put snacks in and I also want to try making a quiche in the pie plate.

It even came with a recipie book so I might have to try one of the recipies too. If you are looking for good prices and great customer service you should try CSN Stores.

 

Hot 100 Update #6

Had steak, baked potato and salad for dinner (Dave's request) I did not get any exercise in and went to bed at 9:00 p.m. again.

Yesterday at lunch time, I went over to Bed, Bath and Beyond and bought a 8-in-1 for Wii Sports Resort. It contains attachments for Swordplay, Canoeing, Golfing, Table Tennis, Frisbee playing, Wakeboarding, Archery and a Power Cruising handle. I love the table tennis, archery and swordfighting the best. Fun stuff! I need to figure out if I can compete against others online. I have a wittle friend I would like to challenge named Simone!

This morning on my way in I stopped for smokes coffee at the Chevron and a woman with a teenager and a young boy were trying to put air in their car tire. They asked me if I knew how to do it and I told them yes and got out and helped. They were SO thankful and what a nice way to start my day!

Now on to the update:

1. I will lose 2 lbs. per week. I lost 1 lb. (262) <----Still bouncing the same few lbs. around
2. I will wear my bodybugg from 7:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. daily. I wore it 6/7
3. I will exercise a min. of 30 mins - 5 days per week. I did 3 days

I feel like a crappy challenger. I started the challenge with vim, vigor and vitality and now I am just cruising. Cruising gets you no where fast that's for sure. We still have 8 weeks left of this year. 56 days. If I buckle down and push hard I could at least get into the 240s which would also put me at 75 lbs. lost. God, that sounds wonderful. Now, I just need to MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Fairly iffy on the weekend plans. Going to the gym again is on the agenda. Wii time too and a visit to Bruce. We might go see Megamind if time allows. Hope you all have a great weekend! Until next time...



P.S. Don't forget to set your clocks back tomorrow! Fall back...

Picturing Success

I didn’t go see my mom. I am going tonight instead. I had a really late lunch and did not want to eat again 2 hours later.  Last night was fairly uneventful as usual. I ended up having a veggie sandwich for dinner because Dave had to attend a function at Round Table for his granddaughter. I did not exercise and I was in bed by 9:00 p.m. I was super tired so I decided to crash early. I am feeling like I am coming down with a cold.

I wanted to share a blog with you that I discovered about a month or two ago. It is called Laura Gets Fit. Laura lives in Northern California like me AND has a boyfriend named Dave. She has lost 125 lbs. and was featured in the November issue of Shape magazine. It is always helpful for me to read success stories and this hit home more because I feel like I know Laura through reading her blog. She is still hoping to lose another 25 lbs or so. Go check out her blog when you have a chance, you won't be sorry!

Reading that article makes ME want to be a success story. Whether it is Shape Magazine or another publication, I really would like to be featured as a success story. I am a long way off for sure but it keeps the inner flame burning to get this weight off once and for all. One of my ultimate goals is to be able to talk to other overweight people and tell them it can be done at ANY time and at ANY age. Sure, I wish I had done this years ago but I can't go back and change the past. All I can do is push forward and make it happen. Until next time...

I get to get off Insulin!!

So I ended up not going to see Bruce. I decided it would be easier to go up there on the weekend. It is 45 mins to an hour each way to get there and after working all day it is a lot for a weeknight so I will go one day this weekend and spend more time with him and hopefully get some more questions answered. Candace (niece) came over and we made a Chicken stir fry and played some Wii for a little while.

I have been doing insulin shots since July 2008. I should have gone on it before then but I was very resistant to it. I bargained with my doctor and pleaded “Please Please Please let me try to lose weight on my own!” and it did not happen. By the time I actually got on insulin, I was sick almost daily. When I started out I had to do 100cc shots twice a day. I continued with that dosage for quite awhile but then I started getting lows too often and my doctor told me to slowly decrease the insulin amount. As of right now, I am doing a 50cc shot in the morning only (20cc – R 30cc N)

I recently contacted my doctor and asked her if I could get off the insulin and she agreed! It is going to take some time to wean myself off of it but this is such good news! I am thrilled beyond words! Since starting on this WL journey, I have been able to stop one of my blood pressure meds and now the insulin. With my continued WL I am hoping to get off all my meds AND the damn CPAP machine. This is a monumental step in that direction! Woot! Woot!

Making Holiday Plans

Monday night was fairly uneventful. I was still feeling crunchy from my antics on Sunday so I just took it easy. We had BLTs with Turkey bacon for din din.  I peeked at the scale and luckily my weight is down so I am hoping to keep the downward trend for my weigh in on Friday.

Since we are on the cusp of the holidays, I took the liberty of making plans for my mom and Dave and I. For Thanksgiving we will be having dinner at Mariani's at 4:00 p.m. and then going to Dave's sister's house for dessert and coffee. The good thing is that they options besides turkey. I am not really a turkey fan and I don't like gravy so most likely I will have salmon.

Since my dad passed away in 1999 my mom and I have opted not to be home for Christmas. We have gone to Las Vegas, Reno, The Mexican Riviera, Santa Barbara and San Francisco a few times. This year we are going to see Shrek the Musical in San Francisco at the Orpheum Theatre on Christmas Eve at 2:00 p.m. Instead of staying overnight we will just drive home and then I will spend the day with Dave and his family on Christmas Day.

I think I am going to go see Bruce (bio-father) tonight. I sent him a Halloween card, letter and a picture of me early last week. I am hoping that he will allow me to have access to his medical records etc. because I believe he needs someone to advocate for him.  He isn't even exactly sure why he is in the facility so I would like to find out for him. I would understand if he didn't want me to though. As far as he is concerned, I am a stranger and he may think I have ill intentions. I will be honest and say that I want access to his medical information for my own knowledge too but I just want to help him if I can. Lani (the nurse) talked to him and suggested he go off site for a meal or something with me and he said that was a good idea. According to her, he has not been outside of the facility since he arrived in January! Yikes! That is wayyyyyy too long! Until next time...



P.S. Congratulations San Francisco Giants! Don't forget to vote!

Maudlin Monday

No bodybugg yesterday so no screen shot today...

Hope you all had a safe and sane Halloween! Mine was fairly safe but not too sane. I decided to drink a few cocktails and got a little too toasty. I did not drive home though. I called Dave and he picked me up.  I did not eat dinner but needed to soak up some booze so I ate some crackers and 7-up and celery and peanut butter. I managed not to hurl or anything but I am a little shaky this morning. Why must I binge every time I drink? I think it is just better if I don't do it at all.

I actually went to the gym on Saturday! By myself! Shocking I know but I did it! I ended up doing cardio on the treadmill and was able to get to a faster speed then I have ever been able to do AND I actually ran for a little while. After cardio I just cruised the machines and did some ab and leg work. I just keep telling myself that no one cares that I am there and they are not looking at me. I blended in. There were other people my size too.

Oh, by the way, Kim at All about the Bottom Line is the winner of the Biggest Loser CD. Please email me your address and I will send it out to you.  I will be having another giveaway soon so stay tuned!

Over the weekend, I put together a post on what I have learned from blogging. I have gotten some great feedback so if you want to read it go here. That is about it for today. Hope today goes by quickly and painlessly. Until next time...