They showed this video at church and I wanted to share. Enjoy your day!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
It fluttered in the breeze;
A young Marine saluted it,
And then he stood at ease.
I looked at him in uniform,
So young, so tall, so proud;
With hair cut square and eyes alert,
He'd stand out in any crowd.
I thought ... how many men like him
Had fallen through the years?
How many died on foreign soil?
How many mothers' tears?
How many pilot's planes shot down?
How many died at sea?
How many foxholes were soldiers graves?
No ... Freedom is not Free.
I heard the sound of Taps one night,
When everything was still;
I listened to the bugler play,
And felt a sudden chill;
I wondered just how many times
That Taps had meant "Amen,"
When a flag had draped a coffin
Of a brother or a friend;
I thought of all the children,
Of the mothers and the wives,
Of fathers, sons and husbands...
With interrupted lives.
I thought about a graveyard
At the bottom of the sea,
Of unmarked graves in Arlington...
No ... Freedom is not Free!
-- Kelly Strong
Friday, May 28, 2010
Grace did not have any sympathy for me! She worked my arse off! I was a sweaty mess when I left. She even made me get on the evil elliptical! So I got on the scale this morning and it said 257 that means I was retaining 8 lbs. of fluid! Sheesh!
Last night was a full moon and I think the universe is conspiring against me. Pan the cat brought me a dead RAT! Ewwwww! I was grossing out and called Dave. He calmed me down and told me to pick it up by the tail and put it in a paper bag so I wrapped my hand in plastic and threw it away. Then I was sitting on the floor with Titan and I found a slug on him! Why is this stuff happening to me?
I went to work this morning, turned on my computer and saw the blue screen of death. My hard drive crashed. It will be replaced this afternoon but that is why I am posting now instead of my usual morning post. I am hoping the universe is done bringing me funky luck.
Here is my horoscope for today: If you're feeling clingy today, you may decide to rebel against some big changes coming down soon. Just loosen your grip and view this as a natural and necessary part of life, and you might find a touch of enlightenment in the unlikeliest places -- even if it takes the form of the discomfort you're feeling. The status quo might be chafing you, so you might actually be more prepared for a new life than you think.
I am still maintaining my sense of humor though. I hope you all have a wonderful 3 day weekend! Until next time...
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Have you guys heard of the new product The Valet from Cisco? It is a new router that enables you to have wireless Internet throughout your home by simply plugging it into your USB port and within a few minutes you are up and running. They are $99 and $149 for larger homes. I found mine on Amazon for $89 but I had them ship it overnight so that added to the cost. Dave decided that he was going to give it to me as an early birthday present. Yay! I will be able to connect my Wii, my laptop, my iPhone and our Direct TV. It will come today via FedEx so I will let you know how it goes once I get it installed. Apparently, there is a whole multitude of shows like movies and exercise available On Demand through Direct TV if you have it connected to the Internet. Who knew?
P.S. Jack Sh*t posted my pictures on today's version of W.I.D.T.H. in case you missed them the other day.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I ended up not going to the Redi Room for dinner. I am taking Keflex and it is messing with my belly. Dave made dinner which was NY Steak, Baked potato and salad. It was really good. I so rarely eat red meat anymore that it is a treat when I do. It was tender and done perfectly. Watched Idol and BL and I was grazing throughout the evening so I barely etched out a deficit.
I got on the scale this morning and it said 261. I am not happy about it. I like what Erika said yesterday though "Don't worry too much about your weight, at the moment. Medications and fluids given and so forth are going to futz with your numbers for a bit. Just eat as you normally do, getting lots of protein for healing and concentrate on recovering and taking care of yourself." I will give myself a reprieve this week but I was down to 256 during the week so it was frustrating to see that number again.
Heard back from the SCC Adoption Agency and they got my paperwork (I just sent it Monday!) and the next step is to make an appt. to go down to their office and have them witness me signing a form called Consent to Contact. This allows the birth parent(s) to contact me if they are ever interested. If they have filled one out then the agency can provide me with the contact info. If they have not filled one out then I will have to petition the Superior court to open the original records. I am still undecided on how to proceed with that part. One step at a time I guess.
I am going to be dog sitting for the next few days starting tomorrow. This is just a short trip and they will be home Saturday afternoon. I always get thrown off schedule when I dog sit but I love the dog and the family so I always say yes. I mean how can I say no to this sweet boy?
The key will be for me to be prepared ahead of time with my clothes and meds and stuff. Hopefully I can get a bag packed tonight and will be good to go in the a.m. I will most likely have leftover chicken for dinner tonight. Until next time...
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I didn't have my bodybugg on yesterday. I did not have breakfast and had a sandwich for dinner so calories were lower then usual. Tonight, we are going to the Redi Room for dinner and I will have my usual Salmon. Tomorrow is weigh day so I am not quite sure what to expect. I was down last time I checked but I got off schedule with my pills so I am retaining water. It remains to be seen.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Saturday I ended up resting most of the day until I need to get ready for the birthday party. I woke up from a nap and went to the restroom but I was still half asleep. So I sat down and I felt that my butt was wet. I thought the toilet had overflowed or something and then all of a sudden I got dripped on. I looked up to see where the drip was coming from and the ceiling was a big bubble of water! Great... and now I need to get ready to go. I went upstairs to let him/them know what happened and they popped the bubble to drain it. There is going to be some major repair needed because you can see how damaged the wood is. Never a dull moment in Katieland.
I was only 5 minutes late to my mom's but we got to Mariani's a little early. Aunt Roberta was soooo surprised to see Kevin and Michael. She loved the creamer and got a good laugh out of the story. Mission accomplished! The food was fantastic and abundant. We got some appetizers and I ordered Ahi Tartare. It had a little kick to it but we all thought it was super yummy. Then I had some French Onion soup. Delish. Then they bring you a little plate of Penne with Marinara so by the time the entree came I was pretty darn full. I ordered Tortellini Primavera. It was huge so I boxed it right away. I ordered cheesecake for desert (my fave!) and actually brought half of that home too. Moi? Bringing home cheesecake and a whole entree? Who is this woman? In the past, I would have eaten way more and suffered afterwards. Dave had some of my pasta when he got home and there is still a portion or 2 left. Yikes! Plus my mom sent her Chicken Marsala home with me. It will be good for Dave to have for lunch :-D
Wayne, Roberta and Michael (Son and Grandson)
Wayne, Roberta and Kevin (Her sons)
Today I am just going to straighten up around the apt., get some exercise and plant some Forget Me Nots. Hope you are enjoying your weekend.
Forget Me Nots (Alaska State Flower)
I got a letter from the State of California Department of Social Services dated 5/18/10. It was in response to the letter I sent on 5/4/10 requesting Non-identifying information about my birth parents. The letter said that it was an agency or relinquishment adoption and the information should be obtained from the agency my adoption was through which is the Santa Clara County Adoption Agency on Julian St. in Downtown San Jose. It is just a few miles from where I live! Whoa! Through my research and help from Diane and Susan (love you ladies!!) I found out that I can get their identifying information because they relinquished their rights when they gave me up to the agency. I have left a message on voicemail and will send the information request to them. I still have to mentally process the prospect of knowing their identities. Even if I do get the information I am not sure how I will proceed yet. Wow... just wow...
I am still eating soft foods and actually not even logging food because I haven't been eating very much. I got on the scale this morning and it said 256 which is another 2 lbs. down. That is 1 lb. away from my lowest weight since I started. I am not sure it will be permanent but it sure was good to see that number again. Note to self: Need to measure. Hope you have a good day. Until next time..
Friday, May 21, 2010
I am having surgery done on my finger on Monday. I spoke to the doctor and I am going to do the surgery with a local instead of going under. $1,400 vs. $20 for my copay. Insane huh? It is on my right middle finger. I hope it doesn't hurt too much. I guess it will help in the itching department too. My rampant rash is finally starting to clear up but it still itches like the dickens.
As far as the weekend goes, tomorrow is Aunt Roberta's 85th birthday party. I will pick my mom up and take her some since she can't drive at night. I will be giving my aunt the creamer that I painted even though it is 5 years late. LOL! Her son and grandson will be coming from San Diego as a surprise so it should be extra fun. I don't have any plans for Sunday. I got The Blind Side on DVD so I would like to watch that and get some activity in. Hope you have a wonderful weekend! Until next time...
P.S. I have 300 Followers!!!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Last night I met my mom after work (first time since our Mother's Day misunderstanding.) She wanted me to go with her to pick up a gift for my Aunt. We are having an 85th birthday party for her on Saturday. So, we went to Nordstrom Rack at Oakridge and we found a lovely silk scarf. Went to Fish Market for dinner and had Butterfish with cole slaw and cherry tomatoes. Our visit was pleasant but it was a little tense. I did not do any exercise at home. I am seeing Grace tonight for Personal Training.
Note: I put together some handy links on the sidebar for those of you who are fairly new or need a refresher. It's the low down on me and my journey.
I also need to come to terms with my body image. Since I have been heavy the majority of my life I don't think I have ever really had a decent body/self image. After all these years there are signs of my morbid obesity that will never go away like sagging skin or stretch marks. They are the scars of the abuse I have put my body through for the past almost 44 years. The trade off is so worth it though. I feel better in my own skin now then I have in a longgggg time and I am getting stronger and feeling fitter then I have been in years. Even if I was super toned and had no stretch marks and wasn't heavy, I will still have NLD which means I will still have ugly legs when I get to goal. I guess it is all about perspective. I have two healthy legs that I can use to walk, run, dance, skip and jump so I am thankful. At least I can basically hide it with pants, long skirts or tights. Retraining the brain right? Until next time...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I have been overweight the majority of my life. In the past, when I attended social gatherings, people did not bock when I had a heaping plate and went back for seconds. When I went to a friend’s house for dinner, they would serve me a portion equal to or greater then a grown mans portion. It seemed normal at the time.
As my weight went up and up, I became more reclusive and depressed. It was a sad, sad time of my life. I think one of the things that snapped me out of it and made me realize that I had to do something was when one of my friends sat me down and said “Katie, I care about you and would like to see you around for years to come but if you don’t do something about your weight, you are going to die” D-I-E as in DEAD as in no more time on this planet and it was because of what I had done to myself.
It was harsh and I hated hearing it but I was SO thankful that someone cared enough to say it. In the deepest, darkest moments I didn’t really care if I lived or died. How sad is that?? How could I have let myself get so heavy? How did I get over 300 lbs.? I felt worthless, like a burden to my friends/family and hopeless. I was just wallowing in misery yet I did nothing about it. Something clicked though. I think between my Dr. telling me that WLS was my only option and my friends telling me they don’t want me to DIE woke me and got me motivated to lose the weight once and for all. That and all the pills, insulin and the CPAP machine as shown above.
Now you may wonder why this time it’s different. Well, in the past I was on a diet of one kind or another and was always unsuccessful. This time I basically had to relearn how to eat, especially portion control. I had to do something that would be sustainable for the rest of my life. I basically had to make peace with food. Having the bodybugg has given me information that I can use daily to help keep myself on track. Also blogging has also been an integral part of my success. The wealth of knowledge out there, the caring and kindness that I have received from this blog can’t be expressed with mere words. I LOVE YOU GUYS and thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking by me, reading and rooting me on.
I will leave you on a positive note. I lost 2 lbs. this week for the LHA Summer Challenge! Finally the scale is moving in the right direction again! Until next time…
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and the last episode of Ruby really brought some things to the forefront of my mind. If you do not follow Ruby’s show, basically, she and a group of friends enrolled in a 6 day course for eating disorders. Part of the workshop had them doing a life map from the time they were small children until now. The instructor, Tennie, also had them draw an image on butcher paper of what they thought they looked like and then had someone actually trace them for comparison.
The life mapping activity was eye opening for the participants. It became apparent to each of them where some of their bad behaviors developed and how they used food for coping. Some had witnessed or incurred abuse and it was pretty heart wrenching to watch. I thought about it a lot after the show and think it is really a good idea (mapping) for everyone to do at some point.
Without going into all the sordid details, I basically figured out where a lot of my bad behaviors stem from and when I started using coping mechanisms like food and alcohol to deal with them. I don’t think that anyone is to blame but ME but there are certainly some people who influenced what I thought and how I have coped throughout my life.
Tennie also brought up codependency which I could totally relate to. There was a lot of discussion about codependency during the class I took for Dave’s program last year. The definition of codependency is: a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or food); broadly : dependence on the needs of or control by another. I am more cognizant now of my codependent behavior then ever. I am trying to break the pattern. A lot of it had to do with Dave and his drinking in the past but I could say the same for him and my overeating before. He was an enabler for me as much as I was for him. He has had to make some life changes and we both are learning new methods of coping like walking/exercising, meditation and lots of prayers. We have made some major progress though. It goes to show you that you can change your behaviors at ANY age. Obviously, I/we should have addressed these issues a long time ago but we did eventually do it and I believe we are better people because of it. Until next time...
Monday, May 17, 2010
Flowers from the Farmer's Market
How was your weekend? Mine was really good! Friday night we cleaned in preparation of Deb and Larry coming over for dinner. We had to rearrange a few things to get them put away. Saturday I went to Race Street and got some Oregon Fresh Salmon. It was $19.99/lb! So for the 4 of us it was $43 worth of salmon. After I got the fish, I walked the Farmer's Market and got flowers, broccoli, golden potatoes and some homemade Strawberry bread. I had intended on making dessert but I saw that bread and could not resist. Went home and continued cleaning until jumping in the shower to get ready for their arrival.
The meal turned out fantastic! Larry made a comment saying they don't eat as much as they used to... well they both completely cleared their plates!! In fact, Deb said she would have eaten a small bite left on her plate but it had fallen on the floor. It was such a big compliment to hear my cooking mentor saying that it is the best salmon meal she has ever had :-D The recipe is super simple but I think that is why it is so good (My dad taught me how to make it) We played bowling on the Wii for a little while and then we called it a night.
Yesterday was fairly uneventful. I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic on DVD and cleaned up the kitchen. I don't have a dishwasher so it's all by hand baby. We did KFC for dinner so we didn't have to mess up the kitchen again. I had a Twister and a Cole slaw. Dave had that weird Double Down sandwich with the two pieces of chicken with cheese and bacon in the middle. It doesn't even sound good to me. We had fresh strawberries for dessert.
I was graciously awarded a Fabulous Blogger Award from Helen at Doing a 180 and am passing it on to 6 other bloggers who have had an influence on me. It was SO hard to come up with only 6 but here they are:
- Kate at Fabulous at 50. Kate is brutally honest and realistic. She has come a long way and has done it with grace and style
- Anne at Carb Tripper has been along for the ride since the beginning. Her support, kindness and wittiness keep a smile on my face
- Angie at Who do you choose today? She is super crafty and also very supportive. She just reached a 100 lbs. lost
- Diz at Death by Calories She is fairly new on the block but she is a sweet gal and a fellow California girl.
- Candace at Believing in C - C is Me. Candace is my Canadian Soul sister. She is also my new bodybugg buddy :-)
- Paula at Paulawannacracker is a hard working gal who can cook like there is no tomorrow!
P.S. OMG, I have 299 followers! That is just C-R-A-Z-Y!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I have always known I was adopted. My earliest recollection would have been about 4-5 years old. The way my folks introduced the concept to me was through a book called The Chosen Baby. It was originally released in 1939 and went out of print in the 60s. The synopsis of the book says “First published in 1939 and based on the author's own life, this is the story of how a married couple and the two children they eventually adopt come together to be a true family. The gentle text reassures readers that an adoptive family can be just as loving and close as a biological family. Pen and ink illustrations accompany the text.”
It was basically the “go-to” book for parents needing to explain to their children that they were adopted. It explained that we were “special” because we were “chosen.” The storyline is actually similar to mine in that they adopted a boy first and then a girl after. I have a brother who was also adopted and he is 5 years older then me. We are not biologically related.
I just came across the book the other day and it reminded me of a good story. We had a neighbor who had adopted their (only) daughter Yvonne and they borrowed our copy of the book. Well, we never got it back. Well by the time I started looking for the book, it had already gone out of print. I was able to find a used copy of it on Amazon for $4. It is tattered on the corners and the pages are yellowing but it is a sweet reminder to me.
Hope you all are enjoying your weekend!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I’m following the path God has laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I found that peace at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with a remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life’s been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee
God wanted me now; He set me free.
This poem was read at my father's funeral. I also have a framed plaque with a picture of my dad in it. It was helpful for me to read while grieving for my dad. I just thought I would share.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Had a good workout with Grace. We actually met a little earlier then our regular time which was nice. We mostly repeated things we have done before but she added a leg press and some lunges. She mentioned that she could tell the difference in my body since we started. I wasn't sure if she was being for real or if that is part of her job you know what I mean? She is a real sweet and seemingly genuine young woman so I should just accept it graciously and say thank you right? What I also need to do is measure again so I can monitor my progress.
After I got done with Grace, my friend Tony came over and he wanted to play Wii. Dave was umpiring per usual. Tony is the one who challenged me two weeks ago and we had a blast again. We played for almost an hour so I got my exercise on for sure. I beat him at bowling again but he got me in baseball and tennis. I told him no golf. It is b-o-r-i-n-g... Made some chicken nuggets for dinner and had a small salad as well.
Tonight is pizza and a movie. Veggie thin crust for me. I can't eat any of the pizza meats. Too greasy and they upset my stomach. Tomorrow night I am having Deb and Larry over for dinner. I am making Salmon with spinach and herbed golden potatoes. Not sure what we will have for dessert. I would like to try making an Apple walnut salad with vanilla yogurt.
Beautiful Helen over at Doing a 180 bestowed me with this lovely award. Ain't it perrrty? The rules are that I pass it on to 6 bloggers who inspire me. I want to give this proper thought so I will do the official post soon okay? Well I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and get out there and do something good for yourself! Until next time...
Thursday, May 13, 2010
CONGRATULATIONS TV & Book Addict!!! You are the winner of the Green Girl Giveaway items. The winner of the Pink 34 oz. insulated pitcher is Kate at Fab Kate. Please email with your contact information and I will get your prizes sent out to you. Thank you to all of you who entered. I will be doing another giveaway in the next few weeks so stay tuned for that.
I wanted to share the list of snacks that you all came up with:
Apple with peanut butter
Baby carrots with hummus
Carr’s Whole Wheat crackers with cheese and grape tomatoes
Cottage cheese with apple, cinnamon and Splenda
Dryer’s Real Fruit bars
Fiber One Yogurt
Fresh Strawberries w/ nonfat yogurt, cereal, cocoa nibs and cinnamon
Frozen banana with chocolate syrup drizzled on it
Fruit with Greek yogurt
Garden Veggie Crisps
Lowfat Wheat thins
Microwaved string cheese
Sugar-free chocolate pudding
Tomato basil rice cakes with cheese
Veggies dipped in cottage cheese w/salsa
Wasa crackers with fruits and cheese
Last night Andy came to pick up the mobility scooter. The hallway looks open and happy! Yippie!! It was frustrating because it ended up being a catch all for things and even if I cleaned our place from top to bottom it still looked cluttered because of the scooter.
We had pasta for dinner with caesar salad and garlic bread. Tasty stuff! Danielle made the sauce and technically I don't like spaghetti (noodles) but I can eat other shapes. I did not do any exercise. Just watched American Idol
Tonight I am going to Personal Training with Grace (Come hell or high water, Shelley!) She was concerned about me and I thought she was upset since I am a slackalacker but all is well. If I think I am going to reach ANY of my goals I better get the show on the road. Going to the gym once a week is just not enough! I need to look at the schedules again and find a Zumba or Bellydancing class that I can go to on a regular basis plus continue to do the at home stuff and PT once a week. That should work. MUST implement. I am great at coming up with ideas but I am a little weak on follow through if you haven't noticed ;-) Hope you guys are having a good week. Until next time...
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
One of my favorite snacks are Snapea Crisps by Calbee. They are usually in the Produce section at the Grocery store. Well I spotted another kind I had not seen before which was the Veggie Mix with Balsamic Vinegar OMG! They are dynamite and are 130 cals per serving.
So, the scale gods were a little cruel and showed me I gained 1.1 lbs. I am not surprised given Sunday's cookie caper, the lack of activity the last few days and my sun reaction.. Not going to lose sleep over it. Right back to it today. Speaking of I need to call Grace and see if she has given up on me.
Dave and I ended up getting a mobility scooter from his mother's house when they closed the house in January. It has been in our apartment in the front hallway since then. It is in really good condition and was only used a handful of times. It became my task to find a new home for it. I tried to sell it on Craig's List with not much luck. Then I contacted the Sr. Center and St. Justin's and got no responses. Well, it was listed in the Sunday bulletin at Holy Cross and one of my favorite families will be picking it up this evening for their 20 year old son, Sean who has Cerebral Palsy. I am so glad to see it go to a good place and how much it will help him. I think Manuela would approve. Plus, I get my hallway back! Until next time...
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I am doing a Green Girl Giveaway!. Included in the giveaway is: Hungry Girl's 200 Recipes for 200 calories, A pink measuring tape, A small green LED flashlight, a green BPA free stainless steel water bottle and a 34 oz. green insulated water pitcher. Anyone is welcome to enter. All you need to do is to leave a comment on this post letting me know what your favorite low calorie snack item is. For an additional entry you can post about the giveaway on Twitter or Facebook and just let me know by adding another comment. I will be announcing the winner on Thursday, May 13. There will also be a 2nd place prize which is a pink 34 oz. insulated water pitcher. Good luck to all of you!!!
Thanks for all your comments yesterday. My mom decided not to cancel the cruise after all. I felt like I got kicked in the gut when I thought she had cancelled though. I have been shopping with the trip in mind and have set goals around it etc. so I was surprised when she mentioned not going. She sent me an email about 11:30 a.m. yesterday saying she had calmed down and that we were still going. I know it was not right of me not to call her for Mother's Day but sometimes I would rather avoid then deal with her. Character flaw I know but it what it is. Oh, the joy of the mother/daughter relationship.
Hoping the scale gods are kind tomorrow. I got lots of walking in on Saturday but haven't done much exercise since plus I have had some sodium heavy meals. All I can do is keep pushing forward right? Well that is about it for today. Until next time...